Takes

85% of The Ringer's basketball podcasters are 'hipsters' who rely too much on stats

85% of the people that are on the Ringer podcast discussing basketball, they're hipsters. In terms of the stat, stat, stat... I want an eye test. I don't want geometry. Can you play or can you not play?

Bill Simmons' HBO show was 'trash' from the first interview

I did his HBO show, which I knew was trash. I knew which we all knew was trash from the first interview from the first person... I knew that when I watched the Simmons thing, everybody knew, because there was so much anticipation and hype, and because he left ESPN, you knew... yo, this is in deep shit.

Tobey Maguire is the worst basketball player I've ever seen

The worst basketball player I've ever seen is Tobey Maguire. That motherfucker. Stick to the poker tables, you nerd.

Kevin Durant lacks the clutch gene and cannot win a championship as the alpha on a team

Kevin Durant lacks the clutch gene. Doesn't get the ball off on time. [He will never win an NBA championship] where he's the alpha on the team. Beta ball.

Freezing Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is the best way to eat them

Reese's, put them in the freezer, kids. That's the next level stuff. Everyone knows that.

The Bulls' practice fight is a result of a failure in leadership from John Paxson

This starts from the top. This is leadership from the top. This is John Paxson, who has famously gotten a choking match with Vinny Del Negro... It's a good culture that the Bulls have.

The NFL's ratings decline is a 'fake news' narrative partially caused by warm weather

Ratings are down 7.5%... Fake news, because we watch more than ever... Also, I just want to note this, that it just today felt like fall... You can't fully embrace football when it's 90 degrees.

The NFL is much worse without Aaron Rodgers

I do think the NFL is much worse without [Rodgers] because we already have a league with very few good quarterbacks, and Aaron Rodgers is probably the best one in the NFL.

Joe Maddon is not a great in-game manager

I don't think he's that great in-game. I think he's pretty good at rallying a team and getting a team together and getting the most out of a young team, but I would say in-game he leaves a little to desire.

Jon Jones is the greatest MMA fighter of all time

I think [Jon Jones] is the greatest of all time. I think if he had done everything the way he should have, he'd be a huge superstar. He might even be the heavyweight champion of the world.

Ronda Rousey is underrated for what she built in women's MMA

Underrated. Look at what she did. Look at what she built. She started it all... That whole combination of what she was is what built the women's mixed martial arts world. It's like a chicken and the egg phenomenon.

DC sports are officially cursed

As a fan of the Nationals and the Capitals, I'm beginning to think maybe somebody from DC Sports went back in time and stepped in a Kardashian or something... It's cursed. At this point we can say maybe Mark Rypien got, what's her name, the matriarch of the Kardashian family, got her pregnant and then had an abortion or something.

The replay rule for runners coming off the bag is the worst rule in baseball

It worked in the Cubs' favor, but I think it's the worst rule in baseball when a guy comes off of a bag and they hold a slide for like a second longer and he's off by a centimeter and they watch a million replays like, yeah, you know what? He was out.

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling are the least electric duo to call an elimination game

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling. Maybe the least electric duo to call an elimination game in sports. It sounded like they were just hanging out... It sounded like Ernie Johnson was on the phone with his wife in the other hand, and then he'd just pop into the mic and be like, that's a double.

I miss Joe Buck's 'big game' voice

I'm going to say it. I miss Joe Buck... Joe Buck has a big game voice. That's a fact. Yeah, he could say the exact same things that Ernie Johnson says, but there's something about Joe Buck. You hear that voice, and you know what? It's pageantry.

Barstool Van Talk on ESPN2 is the biggest opportunity we've ever had

We see this as probably the biggest opportunity we've ever had. And we know what's at stake for our entire company and for all the people that we work with and care about, and we want to do a great job, and all we care about is making sure we put on the best possible show.

The Tim Hortons Buffalo Wing Sauce Latte will make you shit yourself

There's a big problem with combining greasy, spicy food with something that naturally speeds up your bowels like a latte. So those two together are going to have some synergy where you're going to have to drink it on the toilet.

Mark Brunell is dead to Jaguars fans because he cried on TV

This is actually a fun fact for most Jaguars fans out there. Mark Brunell's dead to us. Yeah, because he cried... about football... you can't cry about that.

The Red Sox are officially done and finished

Is it time to push the panic button? Would you say that the Red Sox are done or finished? Ah, they're done.

A manager getting ejected rallies the team like a big hit in hockey

When a manager gets kicked out, it rallies the troops like a big hit in hockey.

US Soccer needs to fire Bruce Arena and clean house after failing to qualify for the World Cup

I'm going to say Bruce Arena. That guy's been around forever. Get the fuck out of here, man. ... GM, clean house.

Joel Embiid is a bad contract because his knees won't let him play

They just paid Joel Embiid like $150 million, even though his knees are terrible and he's probably not going to play.

The chicken definitely came before the egg

I think it had to be the chicken. How did that chicken get made if there was going to be an egg? ... I feel like [God] just created the chicken and boom, the egg was next.

There has never been a quarterback better at playing the position than Peyton Manning

When it comes to quarterback, being a quarterback and quarterbacking in the National Football League, there hasn't been a quarterback better than Peyton Manning. ... coming up to the line, being a quarterback, there's not a greater quarterback than Peyton Manning.

If I played offense I would be a tight end because I know how to beat defensive coverages

I'd probably be a tight end. That's a position that I know. I guard tight ends every single day. ... I understand what works, what doesn't work, how to beat the guys on defense because that's where my foundation is.

Sam Bradford is officially 'injured' because wear and tear on a knee is a significant injury

I'm going to say this is actually injured. Like, wear and tear is, that's significant. That's a full injury.

The Jaguars are actually a good football team

By the way, the Jaguars are actually good, which is the most bizarre sentence to say, but they are very, very close. We need actually a meter.

The Chiefs might be the best team in football

Chiefs might actually be the best team in football. They're fun to watch. I like Andy Reid's offense and how they have Alex Smith is actually throwing touchdown passes.

The Miami Hurricanes are back big time

My Who's Back of the Week, first of all, is a no-brainer. It's the U. The U's back big time.

Coach Ed Orgeron was never on the hot seat at LSU

I'm staying resolute in my support of Coach O. I don't think he was ever on the hot seat. Don't think he's ever going to be on the hot seat.

There are only two tiers of NFL quarterbacks: those who suck and those who can win a Super Bowl

NFL quarterback situation, there's no tiers. There's no elite and non-elite. It's just either you suck or you can win a Super Bowl. And Jameis Winston will, in my estimation, will ever be a really good sucky quarterback.

Rooting against Tony Romo in the broadcast booth is as fun as rooting against him on the field

Rooting against [Tony Romo] in the booth is actually becoming as fun as rooting against him on the field was. He's like, now this could be a screen here. In my head, I'm like, throw the fucking ball deep.

John Lackey is the alpha of the Cubs clubhouse

Who's the alpha on the Cubs right now? [John] Lackey. I would say... This dude's an absolute animal... He's going to be pissed [if he doesn't make the postseason rotation], and rightfully so.

The World Series hangover is a real psychological and physical phenomenon for players

I think what you're seeing in baseball with the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs... is that the World Series hangover is for real, and these guys needed a little bit of an all-star break and now have hit their stride... It's as much mental as physical.

Philadelphia Phillies fans are the worst in baseball to play against

[Worst city fan-wise?] Philly. That wasn't even a hesitation. They get on you with a hatred... Literally wanting to like anger in the face. Like they mean it... I really like I want to fight you right now.

Teams should not shift their defense when they have a large lead

If the game's out of hand, do you still let them bunt? You shouldn't shift. You're taking away half the field for me... I'll stop trying to get a hit as soon as you stop trying to defend a whole side of the field... If you're up 9-1 and you're shifting, that's a dick move.

It is better to watch the Yankees lose late in the playoffs than in the Wild Card game

I'm going to disagree on the fact that you're glad they lost tonight because it's going to be so much better to watch them lose two games or three games.

Andy Reid is the second-best coach in the NFL right now

Andy Reid is the second best coach in the NFL right now. Agreed. Agreed. It is crazy. We did this. We actually talked about this off air... Andy Reid behind Bill Belichick is the second best coach.

The LSU Athletic Director should be on the hot seat instead of Coach O

My hot seat, a lot of people are calling for Coach O to be on the hot seat. Nope. But read an article by Tom Fornelli... The athletic director is the one that should be squarely on the hot seat.

The NFC North is currently the 'Division of Quarterbacks' in the NFL

My other cool throne is names. Speaking of quarterbacks, cool throne... NFC North quarterbacks because that is officially the division of quarterbacks. Mitch Trubisky is going to start for the Bears... Matthew Stafford, Dark Horse MVP, Aaron Rodgers, Super Bowl winner, and Sam Bradford.

Bryce Harper's 'dick' reputation is just a byproduct of him playing hard with flair

The way he plays the game, he's playing the game hard and he's going out there and competing. And he competes with a little flair. And sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. But when you have those guys on your team... you love those guys in your team because you like the guys that play the game that way.

I hate the new NBA All-Star Game captain draft format

They're now making the all-star game where two captains pick the teams, which I fucking hate. I hate when they do this. My brain can't figure it out. I can't figure this shit out when you switch it all, when you swap it all off. They did it with the Pro Bowl, and Pro Bowl's never been the same.

Bill Belichick is tanking the Patriots' defense to prevent Matt Patricia from being hired as a head coach elsewhere

Is this Bill Belichick being the master puppeteer and making Matt Patricia undesirable for other teams to hire away this offseason? Because guess what? No one's going to want to interview him after this shit. He'll be there another year.

Coach O is the greatest interim head coach of all time, but not a great permanent head coach

Coach O is the greatest interim head coach of all time. Of all time. You give him some guys that aren't getting the most out of themselves... Coach O will whip them into shape in two seconds. You give Coach O the team from day one... he's a great interim coach. He's not the greatest head coach.

Dabo Swinney is Millennial Nick Saban

Dabo Swinney has become basically like Nick Saban with higher T... Dabo Swinney has yet to hit his prime football guy years. Dabo is millennial Nick Saban. That's it. He's Nick Saban with a smartphone.

Odell Beckham Jr. is the new J.J. Watt of milking injuries for attention

Odell might be the new J.J. Watt in terms of always being injured and showing how he's in. He has the injuries that he then plays through those injuries. Kind of a Tiger Woods thing... oh, my finger. Wow, let's do a million sideline reports on my finger while I keep playing.

Hobbies are red flags for men; you should only play video games or watch sports

If a man has a hobby, that's just a red flag. Hobbies are red flags always and forever. You either play video games or you watch sports. That's how men do it.

John Fox needs to be fired and Mitch Trubisky needs to start

John Fox needs to be fired. Mitch Trubisky needs to start. Danny Trevathan should probably do a lot of thinking about himself. Mike Glennon, just go away, and John Fox get fired again.

Tony Romo misses almost all of his in-game predictions

He gets a lot of predictions wrong. That's the one thing that they've said about Tony that he's really good at is making predictions, but they don't talk about how he misses almost all of them.

Tony Romo talks too much and doesn't let the game breathe

If you think Tony Romo is revolutionizing broadcasting and the greatest thing ever, you're just straight up not listening to him talk over Jim Nantz. ... I want to watch, let the game breathe. Tony Romo's like, he's down my fucking throat the whole game.