Takes

Dirk Nowitzki has one of the most underrated careers in NBA history

[Dirk Nowitzki] is by far one of the most underrated careers because you kind of just forgot about him after he won the finals but he has been like quietly incredible for so so long.

Kyle Shanahan is making a huge mistake by trading for Kirk Cousins as a first-year coach

Kyle Shanahan... Looks like he's going to trade for Kirk Cousins. Big mistake, Kyle. We as football guys, guys know the last thing you want to do if you're a new coach is get your guy in there day one. Because then you have no excuse. You have no backup plan.

David Stern is the most important man in the history of basketball

David Stern, the most important man in the history of all basketball. He's PFT's size. Little tiny guy over here in a world built for preschool children, right? But here's David Stern, who never shot a basket, but he brought the business acumen... to use the NBA to make the world a better place.

Lavar Ball is just the basketball version of Kris Jenner

That Lavar Ball is just the basketball Kris Jenner. I don't know what that means, but I'm into it. He is basically going to market his sons so relentlessly and throw them in our face.

Rugby is already huge in America

I'm going to take you one step further and say rugby is already huge in America. This was the, yeah, we're here. Get used to it.

Music and atmosphere in NBA arenas directly affects player rhythm and pace

It was like the sloppiest game ever, and that's not just because the Knicks are always sloppy, but it was like no one could get a rhythm... Then they put the music on in the second half, and the pace picked right up, and they almost hit the over... So it was clear that the music did actually affect the players.

Mitchell Trubisky changed his name to 'Mitchell' purely to avoid the 'Mitch the Bitch' nickname

I think he did that just simply so people can't say he's mitch the bitch which makes sense right

I could still average 10 points and 5 assists in the NBA right now

I still play with pros all the time. There's moments where you watch guys who just got paid $60, $70, $80 million for having marginal numbers where I'm not going to sit there and tell you, I feel like I can get nine or ten points a game in the league. I feel like I can get four or five assists in a game.

It is perfectly acceptable to take your shoes off on a cross-country flight

I always take my shoes off when I'm sitting on a very long flight, and I know my socks are clean... i don't care it's okay travel i've always said travel is one of those things where you just put your head down you worry about yourself don't don't look up if you want to take your shoes out that's fine

Mitch Trubisky screwed himself by measuring 6'2" because of Hue Jackson's arbitrary height cutoff

Hugh Jackson, his cutoff for quarterbacks, 6'2". So Mitch Trubisky kind of screwed himself. He should have slouched a little bit, hoping that he went at 6'1"... [Hue] just said, if the quarterback's not 6'2 or taller, I don't want him.

Kevin Durant likely won't lose his shooting rhythm despite his injury

He actually has a history of coming back from injury pretty well... he doesn't seem to lose his shooting rhythm. The thing that's a question mark... is that if he is 5%, 10% off, that's where you could see a big turn... it just wrecks all their form.

LeBron James reading 'The Godfather' while walking is a calculated camera stunt

Did you see last night LeBron walking from the bus to the locker room reading The Godfather? And did you also think that was the lamest, most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your entire life?... He was doing it for camera. He wasn't actually reading.

Deron Williams was signed by the Cavs just so LeBron could have another person to blame

LeBron blames. Deron Williams is on his team. He missed a huge wide-open three against the Celtics... I think Deron Williams was signed with the Cavs just so LeBron could have another person to blame.

Northwestern basketball is annoying because journalists act like it's a plucky underdog story

Except for the fact that now we're going to get Greeny, Mike Wilbon, Rovell, all these fuckers shoving Northwestern plucky underdog down our throats. So I'm saying respect the fucking biz... We don't care about Northwestern basketball enough for you to tell us constantly.

The Kirk Cousins franchise tag is a sign the Redskins still don't know if he's good

In Kirk Cousins' case, it's just a big sign that says, do we know if Kirk Cousins is good yet? No, we don't know.

The Chicago Bears are a total dumpster fire for failing to retain drafted players

If Alshon does go get signed by another team... you ready for the list of Bears players on the roster that were drafted before 2013? Okay, that was the full list... Just make sure all your draft picks fail miserably... what a dumpster fire.

The five-foul rule in college basketball is the dumbest rule in sports

Also, hot seat, the foul, five fouls in college. Everyone gets mad about that, including myself. I hate that rule. I think it's the dumbest thing ever.

The new Big East is the best league because it's a pure basketball league

It's the best league in college basketball. Those other leagues now, I think, are football leagues. And we are a pure basketball league.

Paul Pierce was a loser before Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen arrived

Draymond came over the top today and said, people tend to forget that [Pierce] was struggling to get to the playoffs. He was on the trade block every year, then all of a sudden Ray Allen and KG showed up. Let's not forget that.

Jimmy Kimmel intentionally planned the La La Land / Moonlight Oscar mistake

Even if Jimmy Kimmel didn't plan this, which I think he did, he should be blamed for it for all the shitty Jimmy Kimmel pranks he did in the past.

The Oscars would be better if the celebrities were made gradually more uncomfortable

I would like to watch the Oscars a lot more if instead of treating the celebrities to things, they gradually made them more uncomfortable as the show went on. Like crank the heat up five degrees every hour or something like that. So they were just a big sweaty mess at the end.

The Washington Capitals are the Atlanta Falcons of the NHL

They're kind of like the Atlanta Falcons where their franchise has just never won it. The Falcons have been to two Super Bowls. I think the Capitals have been to one Stanley Cup. Basically, it's a franchise of failure. You know, they have this great regular season success. Everybody gets excited. And then when it comes to perform, they're a pop shot.

Shaquille O'Neal is a victim of 'athlete funny' and is not actually humorous

Shaq has always been a victim of athlete funny. Where someone in the locker room once told Shaq he was funny, and he has gone with that throughout his whole career thinking he is actually humorous, and people want to hear Shaq tell jokes when in reality he's not funny.

LaVar Ball is like a bird that sits on a rhino and shits everywhere

[Lonzo Ball's] father is going to be over his shoulder the whole time. His father is like one of those birds that sits on the back of a rhino and shits everywhere. That's what he's going to be.

Being tired is a more hardcore injury than a broken bone for a 32-year-old

As someone who's 32 years old, being tired, I would rather have a broken bone than be tired. Being tired is the most hardcore injury that I have these days.

The Bulls front office members Gar Forman and John Paxson are morons for their trade deadline approach

The Bulls, my Bulls made a trade, and they're morons per usual. They're doing the old, we're trying to rebuild on the fly, which has never worked... Doug McDermott and Taj Gibson to the Thunder is not a Woj bomb. That's just a guard and Pax are fucking morons.

Chris Christie is a perfect fit for sports talk radio because he hates Philly and loves the Cowboys

Chris Christie has been reportedly mentioned for Mike Francesa's replacement... If you just say, hey, Philly sucks, it's like, bam, you're already hired. Loves Bruce Springsteen. Loves the Cowboys, too... Older white guy. Loves to eat. So this is – has he been a sports talk radio host his whole life?

Remember the Titans is the best Denzel Washington movie

God, super cliche. But I think Remember the Titans is unbelievable, Denzel.

Bear Weather is a myth and is not worth a single point

Bear weather is not worth one point... Sabermetrics. It is not worth one point... How in the world is the cold weather or anything else going to be worth any points? Americans have to stand in the same weather.

Jay Cutler and Matt Barkley are not franchise quarterbacks

Headline grab. Jay Cutler, not a franchise quarterback... Actually, no, I think you're actually talking about Matt Barkley, not a franchise quarterback. Breaking news.

Bear Weather is real and dome teams struggle to play in it

I disagree with [Singletary]. Now, when you say bear weather, when I think bear weather, I think, you know, one, two, zero degrees, wind chill... January, you get a team like the Atlanta Falcons... typically a dome team... It comes out there, and you can tell in a warm-up set. The wind's coming off the lake, and it just feels good.

Marc Trestman was the worst Bears coach of all time

Mark Trestman was the worst of all time, and I'm still pissed at him. [Briggs]: I do not deny.

Magic Johnson will be a successful Lakers president as long as they win games

The Lakers magic is going to do a good job if the Lakers win basketball games... I think he's also going to do a good job if he gets good players on the Lakers.

Kyrie Irving's flat earth comments were just a headline grab or a prank on the media

[Kyrie Irving] was doing this for headlines. I can't decide if it's either a headline for the podcast... or if it was simply all the NBA players getting together and being like, let's prank the media, let's fuck with them.

Peyton Manning's success with multiple coaches gives him a valid argument over Tom Brady

Brady has had the luxury of being with, and I think this is not debatable, the greatest coach in the history of football... I know what Peyton Manning is away from the Colts or Tony Dungy. He's been to a Super Bowl with four different head coaches. He's won a Super Bowl with two different head coaches.

Flacco had the greatest playoff run I've ever seen on the way to Super Bowl 47, and his hair is elite

His hair is elite. Not as elite as yours, but his hair is elite. [Joe Flacco] had the greatest run I've ever seen on the way to Super Bowl 47.

Wins and losses should not be considered a quarterback stat

I don't think wins and losses are a quarterback stat. I don't believe in that... Teams win games. Teams win championships. It's not Tom [Brady]. It's not Malcolm [Butler]. The Patriots won that game.

The Dunk Contest is boring because there are a finite amount of body positions possible

It's not like the dunks aren't super impressive. It's just that we've seen every dunk. It's like watching porn. There's a finite amount of body positions that the human form can get into. Eventually, you just get bored with it.

Carmelo Anthony's legacy is choosing the most money over winning championships

Thoughts and prayers to the man [Carmelo Anthony] who has taken every single dollar at every turn in his career instead of maybe trying to win a championship... He took the most amount of money to stay in the dumpster fire that is New York. That's kind of your situation, Melo.

Bryce Harper doesn't have the balls to turn down the Yankees for the Red Sox

Me and Hank had a little conversation about Bryce Harper... and we're hearing rumors... that he might be going to the Red Sox. [Hank]: There's no chance. That'd be awesome. But he doesn't have the balls to do that to the Yankees. He can't turn down that money to come to the Red Sox.

Baseball players' stupidity has become a charming part of the sport

I love how baseball players, it's become charming how stupid they are. I mean, it's just really, they're just a bunch of stupid people and everyone says, 'Oh, isn't this so funny?'

Mets spring training is essentially just a timeline update on Tommy John surgeries

It's also a.k.a. just Mets spring training. That's just basically all of Mets spring training is, oh, hey, all of our pitchers are somewhere in the timeline of Tommy John, so let's just update everyone on that.

Russia would have won the Cold War if they had beaten the U.S. in the 1980 Olympic hockey game

I have two. One is a historical one with the Russians, which they had to do over in 1980. They would have won the Cold War if they won that hockey game.

Magic Johnson is the greatest basketball player and the number one Laker of all time

Magic Johnson. Without a doubt. He's the number one basketball... him and Larry Bird, they are the NBA. Magic and Bird put NBA in prime time.

The NFL should build stadiums for teams so they don't have to move

They should stay. The NFL should build them a stadium. I mean, damn, the NFL making all this money, man. Build your teams a stadium so they don't have to move. Try that. They're making billions and they want taxpayers to pay for it.

Customer service lines intentionally disconnect you when transferring to customer relations

Then when you start to talk about why you're calling, you know what happens? They'll say, oh, we're in the sales department. We're going to transfer you over to Customer relations, and then what do you think happens? You get disconnected. I've lived through this.

LeBron James is a coward for not participating in the NBA Dunk Contest

LeBron James that's not in the dunk contest again. Kind of a coward move. Michael Jordan was in the dunk contest. Back in the day, you had your best athletes in it. Vince Carter. You had your Vinces, your J.R. Smiths. You had everybody.

Luke Walton was a better coach for the Golden State Warriors than Steve Kerr

I would actually say [the Warriors are] Luke Walton's team. People forget he was their coach in the first half last year. They were a lot better then.

The Houston Rockets got 100 times better simply by letting Dwight Howard leave

I went Dwight Howard. Like, he just left, and [the Rockets] got 100 times better. Addition by subtraction. I love it.

Paul Tagliabue is the smartest person in the world for making Roger Goodell his concussion scapegoat

Paul Tagliabue basically said, I've known about concussions forever, but I kind of don't want to be asked about this anymore. So here, Roger Goodell, you look stupid enough to take this job and have everyone come at you and hate you. And that's exactly what happened. So he's actually the smartest person in the world.