Takes

Max Scherzer is the pitcher of the decade over Clayton Kershaw

Does this mean that Max Scherzer is the picture of the decade? ... everyone says Clayton Kershaw is the picture of the decade now Max Scherzer has a World Series. He has just click resize Young's his 3 Cy Young's... I would say picture of the decade Max Scherzer.

The World Series trophy is the worst of the four major sports trophies

Where does World Series trophy [rank]? It sucks. Something's going to break a tiny pieces of thin metal on it's awful... It looks like it was built just to break it. You can't drink out of it. You can't hold it with one hand.

Nate Diaz is the cleanest athlete on the UFC roster

It's also probably the cleanest Athlete on the roster right a guy who immediately screamed innocence from the rooftops, which you would want any got to do. I always wonder why more guys if they do get flagged don't immediately do what Nate Diaz did... because then people really feel like you're innocent in this case obviously he was.

The NFL should allow reviews for player safety fouls like targeting and roughing the passer

I'd rather have the NFL review player safety fouls like college rules to targeting versus pass interference. I think pass interference is way too subjective... I would like to see some form of Replay on some of these roughing the passer calls or hits on defenseless players. I think that makes more sense for the NFL.

The NFL needs to fix the onside kick to facilitate late-game comebacks

The onside kick with all the changes now used to be like a 13 percent success rate last year went down to 8 now we're under 4 percent. Literally if you don't have an onside kick, then the two score game late in the fourth quarter, you got no chance... the league definitely has to look at this.

Joel Embiid is the most beloved sports figure for an athlete who hasn't won a championship yet

Is there a city that loves a player more than Joel Embiid is loved in Philly? ... He is Philly. I would say that he is the most beloved sports figure in a given City that hasn't really won anything [yet].

I would root for Vermont over Syracuse if they played in the tournament

I didn't grow up a Syracuse fan. So but now that you know that now I know people ask me all the time if they play each other in this year's tournament. I would root for Vermont because wow.

Dave Martinez's ejection in Game 6 was a legendary move and good for the team

The hero of the night is Dave Martinez. Trying to fight an Umpire with a bad ticker... he went full fucking aggro rageaholic on the omps and I loved every second of it. That's a manager who you want to play for.

The Bengals will always have a redheaded quarterback because it's their brand

I thought that we were going to lose our beautiful redheaded Bengals quarterbacks... and then I saw who his backup [Ryan Finley] was and he's got red hair too. Yeah, it doesn't pop the same way now as Andy's but... it's a watered-down Andy Dalton.

NFL passing stats are currently meaningless because the era makes them so easy to manipulate

NFL passing stats are so funny. Tom Brady and Andy Dalton played in the same era, but because it was even like, you know, ten years ago, you can manipulate the stats through age 32, it's ridiculous. NFL passing stats are so fucking funny to look at whoever comes after this. We'll beat everyone before it.

The Redskins botched the Trent Williams trade situation by leaking fake offers

What Bruce Allen ended up doing in this situation was he made up some trade offers for Trent Williams back in September... turns out neither one of those offers was true and he just waited until the last minute hoping that somebody would call and offer a first-round pick; didn't happen.

DeColdest Crawford is the coolest name in the history of college football

The LSU Tigers signed a wide receiver named DeColdest Crawford. Yes. So DeColdest is making his way to Baton Rouge probably the coolest name. If not in the history of college football definitely in the history of Louisiana state.

I would take over and coach US Soccer

I will take over US Soccer. I would be the coach of US Soccer... You automatically get to drive an Audi. That's part of the deal... I would like that.

Andy Reid doesn't understand how time works

[Andy Reid] has been one of the best coaches of all time. It's remarkable and his coaching tree all that. He does not know how time works. He doesn't know what a clock is. Like we said, he measures time in units of meat.

The era of the 'Matt' starting quarterback in the NFL is coming to an end.

This year feels like the last hurrah for Matts as starting quarterbacks in the NFL, like they're starting to fade away pretty quickly. We're getting a big come up for Josh's. A lot of Josh's coming through the ranks, but this is like the Last Stand for Matts.

The double doink drove Matt Nagy insane and made him afraid of playing offense.

I actually think that Matt Nagy has gone insane. I think the double doink actually drove him insane last year... He's so terrified of anything ever bad happening in his entire life. He's agoraphobic... he's afraid to leave his house because of all the bad shit that might happen.

Matt Stafford deserves to be on the MVP shortlist

Matt Stafford is going to start getting some MVP buzz. Have you looked at Matt Stafford's year? He has been phenomenal. 16 touchdowns for interceptions. He is passing the ball deep and not making like the classic Matt Stafford mistakes... He should be on the 5 [finalists].

Saquon Barkley is the GOAT of 'awesome highlights for shitty teams.'

Saquon Barkley is going to go down in the Hall of Fame of awesome highlights for shitty teams. Which is very him, Barry Sanders. Like he had a highlight today where he just manned up a defender, and it was maybe an eight-yard run and then they probably didn't score.

The Nationals aren't cursed, I just helped grow the game by popping 'official World Series beer'

I did not curse anybody... I popped a year-old Series beer. It was champagne. And I was asked to by Major League Baseball and I want to help grow the game... I've had a full day where I felt like I won the World Series... what is this for the Washington Nationals 2019 World Series champions for a day.

Christian Pulisic is the 'American Juan Soto' of soccer.

Pulisic is 19. Yeah, he is. He's America's Juan Soto of soccer. He's so good. We're going to win a shitload of World Cups with Pulisic.

The Washington Nationals are a team of destiny

The Washington Nationals. We said it on Wednesday. It rings true today. They are a team of destiny. Big time.

Playing Patrick Mahomes against the Packers would be Andy Reid's dumbest decision

If Andy Reid plays Patrick Mahomes, this will go down as the dumbest decision that he's ever made in a career that's been largely defined by singular dumb decisions that he's made during games.

Daniel Jones is not a good quarterback

As we discovered last week, Daniel Jones does suck.

Hiring David Ross to manage the Cubs is a great idea

My stardom is David Ross. When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss? That's not going to be bad at all.

Getting tattoos is more about the experience than the actual art

It's more about the experiences and the people you go with and get bro tattoos with than it is about the actual tattoo.

The Washington Redskins should change their name

I'm especially scarred over the last two decades of Daniel Snyder's ownership of the Washington Redskins. I think the Washington Redskins should change their name.

The Astros tried to perform a 'karma' exorcism by firing Brandon Taubman

The karma is they're trying to win the karma back so they can win some games... They basically did an exorcism on themselves.

If you are an assistant general manager, your name should never be making headlines for anything

I'm just gonna throw this out there. If you're an assistant general manager, your name should never be making headlines for anything—truth, good or bad. You don't do anything except scout and do your little fucking line graphs and work on spin rate. You should be on a spreadsheet in the back office in the worst lighting possible at all times.

The visual NBA shot clock inside the paint on broadcasts is stupid and needs to go

This stupid shot clock in the key [on NBA broadcasts], that's gotta go. We as a community of sports fans need to come together and get the NBA to get rid of this. It reminds me of a Rock 'n Jock game.

Matt Nagy is cracking and losing his mind as the Bears head coach

My hot seat is Matt Nagy. He's cracking. He's losing his mind. He had the Bears throwing egg toss in practice. That screams like, 'Hey, I'm just trying to do one of those fun games that you do in training camp,' but it's the middle of the season. And yikes. He also told all the players to stay off Twitter.

If you ever have to publicly state 'I am not an idiot,' there is a high probability that you are actually an idiot

[Matt Nagy] also said in his press conference, 'I know we need to run the ball. I'm not an idiot.' If you have to say 'I'm not an idiot,' you might be an idiot at any point in life. Really. If at any point you have to just beg and plead to inform people that you're not [an idiot], you probably are.

Being on Twitter is bad for your mental well-being, especially during the postseason

I just think [Twitter] is bringing down the world. I really. I know it's your lifeblood, but especially in the month of October, the idea of just getting on Twitter is just not good.

Jeremy Pruitt's facemask grab was a 'showboating' move

This is why you want Greg Schiano coaching your team and not Pruitt. My problem was he didn't use it as a teachable moment. He looked away. It was a showboating facemask grab. It was the Patrick Mahomes of grabbing your guy by the facemask. At least make eye contact and teach him something.

The controversy over Jeremy Pruitt grabbing a player's facemask is a 'nothing' story

As somebody who got grabbed by his facemask by his high school coach, I feel like I am obligated to talk about this. I think since it happened to me it needs to happen to everybody else... this is the most nothing story of all time.

A secret Twitter burner is a healthy way for a sports fan to burn off steam

I think this is actually the healthiest way that a sports fan can burn off some steam. He's found a very normal outlet to be an immature sports fan, which is redundant because we all are. So just let him live.

The Philadelphia Eagles are done

The Eagles might be done... they stink... I thought the Eagles were going to win straight to me too. But their defense is atrocious.

Nick Foles is a better long-term quarterback option for the Jaguars than Gardner Minshew

I think Nick Foles gives you the best option for the next couple of years. So now you can kind of work on Minshew and bring them in for big moments or trade him.

Kirk Cousins is all the way back

Kirk Cousins is all the way back... I put the done chain on them after it... I would like to apologize to Vikings fans and to Kirk Cousins.

Pat Shurmur is a terrible coach and should be fired

I think [Pat Shurmur] is a terrible, terrible head coach and I think he should be fired... Eli Manning was essentially like a body shield for Pat Shurmur... Daniel Jones seems to be pretty good, you have Saquon Barkley, you had [Evan] Engram back, Golden Tate and you stink.

Daniel Jones is not a good quarterback

Are we sure that Daniel Jones is good? ... I don't think he's good. He did get sacked eight times. And if your offense gives up anything to the defense eight times... that's a bad day.

The San Francisco 49ers are a legitimate, top-tier elite team

49ers... their defense is pretty pretty good. They have held the last three games to zero today... they have been crushing teams. They are very very good and I believe in them.

The Baltimore Ravens are not frauds

Hand up, the Baltimore Ravens are not frauds... That was an impressive win, an impressive road win... they are real.

Matt Nagy is a horrific play caller

I think some of the blame has to be Matt Nagy because Matt Nagy is a horrific play caller. As far as I've seen this year, he ran the ball seven times... you can't know if the running game worked when you run it seven times.

The Chicago Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback

The Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback. It will never ever happen. It will never happen. The fact that we had DeShaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes in that draft class, it will never happen. It is destined. It is preordained.

Fall is the best season and the perfect time of year

My who's back is fall weather. This weekend was like the perfect fall weather and this is the time you can mark your calendar... that first weekend where it's so good. It was a perfect 60 degrees outside.

Joe Flacco's body language is the most concerning thing about the Broncos offense

The most concerning thing about Joe Flacco tonight was his body language overall. He has a face that he looks like he's always looking for his car in a big parking lot... He looks like he knows that his body is not capable of doing anything anymore.

The Astros are better than the Yankees in every facet: rotation, lineup, and relievers

As a scout, I am afraid of the Houston Astros. I will say it, I'm afraid. Their rotation is just as good as the Nationals and their lineup is better and their relievers are better.

Pete Carroll is the number one 'Dap' coach in the NFL

I would say number one. Dap. Number one dap coach would be surprising to you guys. I think I think it's Pete Carroll... I don't think he's ever missed when he's like that.

LeBron James only defended China to protect his Space Jam 2 ticket sales

LeBron is so transparent that he only wanted to say nice things about China because he wants to sell his stupid movie Space Jam 2. Space Jam 1 is better.

Shot charts are useless because any wide-open shot is a good shot

I see dudes passing up open shots in the mid-range... wide open to force passes to the three point line or force up bad finishes at the rim. Guess what's a good shot? An open shot. Shot charts are not for me.