Takes

Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez should not be in the Hall of Fame.

[Barry Bonds, in or out?] Out. Alex Rodriguez. Oh. [Steroid era guys] had already broke my record... they were always saying, if they let these guys in, I'm never coming back. And I respect their opinion.

Reading children's books is more effective for Jeopardy preparation than using the internet.

I went to the children's section of the library and I picked a basic book on every subject that I had lots of pictures, kept the reader engaged... usually I'd read two or three books on every subject just to make sure I was covering all the basics. I thought that that kind of intro level interesting books really helped me more than like an encyclopedia [or the internet] would have.

Aggressive, large betting on Jeopardy is actually less risky than conservative play because it protects a lead.

I'm not sure this is correct, but the way I look at it is it's actually less risky to make big bets because if you think about it, if you have a big lead, you're pretty safe... if you don't have a big lead, the person who's behind you can hit a daily double... You need those big plays to win sometimes.

It is better to spend big on top-tier free agents than to sign middle-market players who hamstring a team's salary cap.

I think that it's often better to play at the top of the free agent market than in the middle. In the middle, the Tyler Chatwoods are the real signings that kind of hamstring the team in the long run. And, you know, you can't criticize Yu Darvish without also saying, Oh, John Lester, it's worked out great for the Cubs.

The best strategy for in-game sports betting is to wager against the most recent momentum.

If I'm betting in-game, I'm often betting directly against the momentum. You know, I find myself, if a touchdown's just been scored, I'm probably betting the under, not the over, or, you know, I'm probably betting on the team that just gave up the touchdown... fans overrate the impact of a play that just happened.

The Chicago Cubs organization banned the 'circle game' fan without a proper investigation to gain positive PR.

If the Cubs didn't actually investigate it and they were like, hey, we can get a quick fucking W here before we have Addison Russell, who is a shitty person... Cubs, if you didn't actually, if Crane Kenney didn't actually investigate this, I fucking hope he did. Because if he didn't and he was just like, we got to catch a quick W right here. Yeah, that sucks.

Game of Thrones should end in a way that makes the most fans angry.

I'm at the point where I'm now rooting for them to do whatever will make people the most angry... I just want them to do whatever. There's a lot of things people are excited for, and I want them to fuck it all up.

Nick Nurse is an awful name for a head coach

I'd like to just go ahead and apologize to Nick Nurse. I judged a book by its cover big time when they hired him. And I'm wrong. It's a terrible name. Nick Nurse is an awful name for a head coach. I stand by that take.

I do not miss LeBron James in the NBA playoffs anymore

I don't miss LeBron. I don't miss LeBron in these playoffs anymore. I missed him in the first round. The first round felt hollow without LeBron. But I do not miss LeBron anymore because these are the best playoffs we've had in a very long time.

True basketball fans prefer the Nuggets-Trail Blazers series over Warriors-Rockets

If you're a basketball purist, you say, forget about the Rockets and the Warriors just tricking each other into fouling on three-pointers. That's not basketball. You know what my basketball is? Guard play. Excellent guard play and good, crisp dribbling. And that's what you get in the Nuggets Trailblazers.

Kyrie Irving is primarily to blame for the Celtics' disappointing season

Kyrie, one. Far and away. He's supposed to be the leader. He's the guy. He kind of fucked himself here because the whole way he left Cleveland, he's like, I want to be the guy. You're going to get judged as the guy.

Kyrie Irving is only the seventh or eighth best player in the NBA and cannot be the 'alpha' on a title team

Kyrie, he's right below it, but he's not one of those guys. He's not a Giannis. He's not a Kawhi. He's not a KD, a LeBron... He's, like, maybe the seventh, eighth best player in the NBA, but the top five guys are the guys that you need to win to be the alphas on a championship team.

Hollywood lacks real stories because it is run by third-generation nepotism

I think Hollywood just didn't see like they thought that they just like narrowed everybody's mind and cornered them and owned them so much and corporations that they had just owned them so much that they could do whatever they want with them... it's nepotism now. It's a lot of third generation. Nobody from the middle of America. Nobody has any stories.

Louisiana is the stray animal belt of America where animals still have 'alphaness'

I mean, I think look dude, a lot of legend lives down there... I wouldn't say a zoo, but I think [the lemurs] escaped somebody, somebody who may be a startup zoo... I just like there to be alphas because you got to even it all out, man... you had dog balls everywhere. You had more of an ecosystem.

Joe Rogan is like a golden retriever that's brave enough to do DMT

I think Joe Rogan's the best interviewer because he's curious. He's genuinely curious. He's like a golden retriever that's brave enough to do DMT.

Country House skipping the Preakness is a smart move to protect his legacy

If I'm country house, if I'm that horse, I'd probably do the exact same thing. Because you're never going to top that. You are going out completely at the top of your game. You're a Kentucky Derby winner. And why would you ever try to follow that up?

Maximum Security's disqualification from the Kentucky Derby was 100% the correct call

The actual change from Maximum Security getting kicked out of the race at the end, that was the correct call. 100%. You can't just drift in front of other horses. You have to give them a path.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is like a fifth grader who hit puberty before everyone else on the playground

[Giannis] looks like a fifth grader that hit puberty before everyone else on the playground and [is] just dominating everyone.

Knicks fans should buy tickets to every James Dolan concert to keep him away from the team

If you're a Knicks fan, you should buy tickets to every single show in every city and just have him go on a worldwide tour... Just keep him away from home as much as possible. Make him the next Kiss.

Steph Curry gets the least criticism of any superstar in sports for playing poorly

Watching [Steph Curry] play and watching him shoot and get hot is awesome. But there is not one single superstar that I've ever seen in any sport that gets less shit for sucking than Steph Curry.

Joel Embiid has a bad immune system and is sick every playoffs

Joel Embiid, what is wrong with him?... Wired, just having a really bad immune system and being sick all playoffs.

It doesn't matter if your team wins or loses, as long as you don't get embarrassed

In the long scheme of things, if you're a sports fan, it doesn't really matter if your team wins or loses. It just matters that you don't get embarrassed... Don't be the butt of everyone's joke.

Kevin Durant is the most unguardable human being ever created

What I'm saying is that when you look at all these guys [MJ, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron]... [Durant] does things at such an efficient level and at such a high rate. He's a seven-foot two-guard. He shoots 90% from the free-throw line. He's shooting 50% from three right now... if you had to create a basketball player, I think the two guys that you would create are probably Bron and KD for very different reasons.

Kevin Durant turned Steph Curry into Scottie Pippen

We all know how great Steph is, but how good are you when you show up to a team with a two-time MVP and you immediately turn him into Pippen? And he's in the prime of his career.

To fix the Lakers, the front office needs to be cleared and someone should be stolen from the Spurs

I would change everyone that's in my front office, and then I would go and steal someone from the Spurs... There needs a lot more checks and balances. I think even Jeanie Buss needs somebody that can tell her no or can go in there and win an argument. And it doesn't have to be someone that she's friends with for 20 years.

Scott Foster is the ideal referee for a road team because he is a 'dickhead' who ignores the home crowd

If I was going into Boston on the road, I want to see Scott Foster. Those kind of dickheads, those assholes, those guys that are kind of just like, 'leave me alone, I have to do my job.' ... If anything, if the home team or the home crowd starts acting like jerks, they will actually go the other way.

Daenerys Targaryen is the worst dragon owner of all time

Daenerys is the worst leader of all time... she gets her fucking dragons killed every single turn. She's the worst dragon owner of all time. Honestly. Like, they would come and take those dragons away. Be like, you are not fit to own a dragon because everywhere you go, the dragon gets killed. fly them up in the stratosphere dude they can't hit them up there she's so stupid.

The Trail Blazers have the best home-court advantage in the NBA playoffs

The Trailblazers, I would contend, yeah, I'm going to say it, they probably have the best home court advantage in the playoffs.

LeBron James' best years are behind him

LeBron's best years are behind him.

I will never cord-cut because streaming sports is too unreliable

I have so many boxes... my cable bill is like probably $400 a month. I watched a bowl game with [a friend] two years ago... It buffered so many fucking times. I had money on the game, and I was sitting there like, what is happening right now? I could never cord cut.

Brad Marchand should not have been suspended for his 'rabbit punch' on Scott Harrington

I was going to puke if he got suspended. That is not a suspension. Stanley Cup playoffs, a little punch in the back of the head while the guy's on his knees... it was not suspension worthy.

Maximum Security's Florida Derby win was 'phony' because he wasn't pressured

Let's make Maximum Security into the villain... there should be kind of an asterisk by his last win in the Florida Derby because the competition in that race just basically handed him the race... Everybody else just decided to take back, and all of a sudden this horse is just cruising.

I'm 'killing' Walgreens because of their partnership with Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos

I'm going to kill Walgreens because they partnered up with Theranos. And they took people's blood and screwed it up. [Big Cat: But she was pretty convincing.] She was. I don't blame Walgreens... [Big Cat: I would get duped too.] Okay. I'm still killing Walgreens.

The Warriors and Rockets would both easily beat the Celtics in a series

I think either team could beat the Celtics... any of the three teams, the Warriors, the Warriors, or the Rockets, I think match up very well against the Celtics.

Teams should be allowed to draw their own custom three-point lines on their home courts

Imagine if the Heat could draw their own line or the Warriors are playing at home, and they have one line. Then they go to Houston, and there's a different line... it gives a home field advantage. It's fun for the fans. So I think that would be interesting because right now, dudes, the shot is too easy for too many guys.

James Harden is the most analytically correct basketball player in history

[James Harden] deserves a lot of credit for being the most analytically correct player our league has ever seen... The shots he takes are the right ones. The shots he doesn't take are the wrong ones.

The 76ers roster is a collection of pieces that don't fit together at all

The Sixers have a shitload of pieces that don't fit. Nothing. I don't love the geometry of the Sixers as they assemble together.

I don't wash anything below my neck in the shower

I don't wash anything below my neck.

The Raiders and Giants draft grades are an automatic F every year

You can pencil in the Raiders for an F every year. You can pencil in the Giants for an F every year. You can pencil in the Redskins usually for an A every year. And that usually works out pretty well for us.

Al Davis being dead is the only reason DK Metcalf wasn't a top-10 pick

By the way, credit to the entire NFL and the draft process for not picking DK Metcalf top 10, being like, hey, this guy's really good at running in a straight line. He's really jacked, but he can't do anything else that makes you a good receiver. And when I say credit to the NFL, I mean Al Davis is just dead.

The narrative that Josh Rosen is a bad teammate is complete bullshit

The whole Josh Rosen is a terrible teammate, terrible human being is like the biggest runaway narrative of all time. Josh Rosen is a little abrasive. He's a little arrogant. He thinks he's smart... Aaron Rodgers, kind of the same guy... I haven't seen, nobody from the Arizona Cardinals said anything bad about him, right? His teammates seem to really like him.

The Dolphins made a smart move by taking a risk on Josh Rosen

The Dolphins did something smart. Okay, if [Josh Rosen] is bad, you got a guy who's drafted 10th overall last year for a fucking third round pair, second round pick. It's worth a risk.

Ryan Pace is gambling the Bears' future by putting all his chips into the present

Ryan Pace is doing a big-time future Ryan Pace thing... He basically just keeps trading, putting all the chips into right now. We need our guys right now. In three years, future Ryan Pace is going to wake up if the Bears don't have a Super Bowl. There's going to be a big pile of shit on his doorstep, and I'm okay with it.

Al Horford will go into the Hall of Fame as the most overrated-underrated player

Al Horford is going to go in, like, I assume the Hall of Fame because everyone goes in the basketball Hall of Fame, as the most overrated, underrated guy. Because everyone's like, Al Horford's so underrated... Eventually, we're like, guys, we get it. He's just good.

The Warriors' biggest opponent this year is themselves

The Warriors every year, it's been like no one can beat the Warriors. This year, there finally is a team that can beat the Warriors, and it's the Warriors. So I'm excited to watch the Warriors try to beat the Warriors because this is what happens at the late dynasties... I truly think they all hate each other.

The Warriors-Rockets series is the worst officiating assignment in NBA history

This is the single worst series that the referees have ever had to deal with. I will not complain about a single call these refs make... because I can't think of a worse series. You have Chris Paul literally complaining about every play. James Harden is trying to trick the refs on every play. Steph flops like a motherfucker. Draymond is like, you don't know if he's going to punch a ref. KD, triple B.

The Vladimir Guerrero Jr. hype will get old by mid-season

MLB, I will say, they're kind of overdoing. Every time he does anything, they're like, Vladimir Guerrero, Vladimir Guerrero... I think halfway through the season, it's going to get a little old.

I would rather be a zombie than be canceled

We're going to all cancel each other until we're the army of the dead. And I'm okay with that. I'm on the record being fine with being a zombie army. You don't have a lot to worry about when you're literally dead.

Aroldis Chapman is the toughest pitcher I have faced

[Aroldis] Chapman. [He's] throwing that 99 gas, 101. Left on left.

Clayton Richard is the toughest pitcher I have faced

Actually, Clayton Richard. [I] did not expect that. Yeah, did not expect that.