Takes

Madison will win The Bachelor because she has the heart of a winner

I said Madison episode 1 of this... I watched the first episode and she said that she won four state championships in a row in high school. And I was like that is a heart of a champion. Even if she doesn't like this guy she's going to compete to win it's a winner and that's what she's gonna do.

Madison Prewett will win The Bachelor because her dad is the Auburn coach

My prediction is there is a girl who is a four-time state championship basketball player, and she goes to Auburn, and her dad is the coach of Auburn... My money's on her. Clearly, she knows the long haul, the grind.

Hannah B. is a bad Bachelorette because she cried too much in the first episode

I'm not a Hannah B fan whatsoever, so I would grade it like a C. The season's going to be tough. If you're the Bachelorette and you cry over the first guy, it's like you're the Bachelorette, you have 30 guys. One guy fucks you over, you're supposed to kick him to the curb and move on.

Colton Underwood from The Bachelor is not actually a virgin

I received corroborating evidence in the form of a screenshot from someone's camera roll showing that they had that Snapchat that Colton sent back in 2014... I think that dick's been soaked before.

Caitlin and Hannah B from The Bachelor are manipulative liars

The beef between two former pageant girls. Caitlin and Hannah B. heated up as they accused each other of being manipulative liars. So this was, you know, they had the one-on-one dates and they were spending the time on their one-on-one dates talking shit about the other girl.

You should run away from anyone who describes themselves as 'normal'

After, she [Caitlin] said she's pretty normal, lives a pretty normal life, and likes to hang out with her friends. That's what you say when you're not normal, by the way... Anyone, if you ask them, like, what are you like? If they reply normal, run the opposite direction.

Colton Underwood will lose his virginity by episode 14 of The Bachelor.

I think he'll lose it by episode 14. You guys are misreading Colton. He's like Tebow. He's so dug in on his virginity... but eventually just going to fuck.

If you name your kid Blake, he is guaranteed to win at least one reality TV competition in his life.

If you name your kid Blake, you do so knowing for a fact that he will win at least one reality TV competition in his life.

Being a virgin after age 30 is actually a good 'line' to use on women

After you turn like 30, and you say, like, I'm a virgin by choice. I feel like there's an element that the girl is like, I want to be the one. I want to be the one that makes him switch over to the other team... I think it becomes more positive after 30 than it does between the age of 18 and 29.

Becca M will get her own spinoff show from The Bachelor

Becca doesn't need Ari at all... I think I love Becca's coming, or at least she's going to wind up being The Bachelorette... She's the favorite right now, and I think she's going to wind up getting the spinoff show.

Persistence and annoyance are the keys to winning over a woman who has rejected you

Here's one thing I know about women. If they tell you, no, I don't want to date you, the more persistent you are and the more annoying you are to them, then eventually they'll let you in. Yeah. Just comment on all of her Instagram pictures. That will work.

I predict love will be found on this season of the Bachelorette

I'm sure this is going to be a great season. They're going to find love. I'm going to predict it right now. I'm calling my shot. Love.

Nick and Vanessa from The Bachelor are going to last

This is 2016 and this is how the millennials find love. I think they're going to last. I would like to see the Fantasy Suite get its own spinoff reality show.

The contestants on The Bachelor who cried over the Backstreet Boys were faking it

I'm calling bullshit on this. If there's some girls, maybe some girls, like, 1994, 1995 born, they were, like, five years old when Backstreet Boys were big... I feel like that was a try-hard move to start crying for that because they probably don't remember them, right?