PMT DB
PMT DB
Keegan-Michael Key, Brian Koppelman on Market Chaos, and Deshaun Watson Trade Drama
Big Cat and PFT Commenter are currently floating on a cloud of Dogecoin and GameStop gains, though they admit they aren't actually smart enough to know when to sell. The guys are leaning into the chaos of the retail investor revolution, celebrating the fact that a new class of millionaires is being born in places like South Tampa rather than just the gout-ridden corners of Greenwich.
Big CatThe 'Reddit millionaires' will be the funniest class of millionaires ever
I need the quote-unquote trolls of the internet... to be the power players and shift the entire dynamic... the Reddit millionaires are going to be fucking hilarious.
While the financial world burns, PFT is already looking ahead to the next move in the stock market power struggle.
PFT CommenterI'm shorting Robinhood as soon as they go live
I'm shorting Robinhood, though, when they eventually go live.
The Deshaun Watson Sweepstakes and David Culley's Red Flags
Turning to the NFL, the Houston Texans have officially hired David Culley as their head coach, a move that feels like a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone, who hasn't already pissed off Deshaun Watson. Big Cat isn't exactly sold on the resume of a guy who spent sixteen years as a wide receivers coach without moving up the ladder.
Big CatDavid Culley's coaching history is a major red flag
He was a wide receivers coach in the NFL from 1994 to 2010. That feels like a long time to be a wide receivers coach and not get a promotion. So he's [not an expert].
PFT has a darker theory about the hire, suggesting it's all a smokescreen to eventually hand the keys to a different veteran.
PFT CommenterDavid Culley is just a stopgap hire to get to Josh McCown
My favorite conspiracy is that I'm seeing this report as being a stopgap to get them to Josh McCown as their head coach... They're saying that David [Culley] is going to be the interim head coach.
Naturally, the conversation shifted to where Watson might actually end up. While some teams are reportedly ready to empty the clip to get him, Big Cat is worried about the long-term health of any franchise that sells its soul for one player.
Big CatNo team should trade four first-round picks for Deshaun Watson
I think that you would be screwing yourself so royally over for the future if you give up four first-round picks... I wouldn't do it for four.
Keegan-Michael Key on the Science of the Fart Joke
Keegan-Michael Key joined the show to discuss his new Audible podcast, *The History of Sketch Comedy*. He’s a guy who loves the 'why' behind the laugh, even if explaining it feels like dissecting a frog. He touched on why adults laugh at all, linking it to the release of social tension rather than pure joy.
Keegan-Michael KeyAdult laughter is a release of social tension and uncomfortability
When we're babies, we don't laugh for that reason. When we're babies, we laugh out of joy. When we get older, we laugh out of uncomfortability. So you're diaphragm contracting... is a release of social tension and uncomfortability.
He also solved the age-old debate of the first joke ever told. While nut taps are timeless, the Sumerians were apparently the OGs of bathroom humor.
Keegan-Michael KeyThe first recorded joke in history was a fart joke
The first recorded joke... was from the 19th century BC, 1900 BC. And it's a Sumerian joke... about a young bride who farts as she sits on her husband's lap.
Keegan-Michael Key even gave his stamp of approval to the most legendary physical comedy crew of our generation, noting that some things are just built into our DNA.
Keegan-Michael KeyJackass is the most universal and primal form of comedy
I honestly think that you could show Jackass to anybody that's ever lived in any society, in any civilization, and they would laugh at it... From the Sumerians to today... it's just primal.
Brian Koppelman Explains the Short Squeeze
*Billions* creator Brian Koppelman hopped on to help the guys understand exactly how the real world turned into a script from his show. He walked through the mechanics of short selling using iPhone analogies that even Billy Football could follow. Koppelman pointed out the absurdity of Robinhood halting trades right when the 'dumb money' started winning.
Brian KoppelmanCivil damages against Robinhood for breaking user agreements could be enormous
If Robinhood shut down and stopped you from being able to trade, in violation of the user agreement you signed, I think the damages against them in a civil case are fucking extraordinary, enormous damages.
PFT ended the segment by questioning the priorities of the ultra-wealthy who aren't using their cash to buy hobbies the rest of us can enjoy.
PFT CommenterA billionaire without a sports team is doing life wrong
I also think that it's a big red flag to me that if somebody's a billionaire and they don't own a sports team, it's like, what are you doing? What has all this been for? What's the point? If you're not going to spend money on something cool.
Fyre Fest and Final Thoughts
The show wrapped up with Fyre Fest of the week, featuring PFT’s $400 investment into a melting pile of Dippin' Dots and Billy Football’s bizarre anxiety over a routine blood test for his upcoming fight against Jose Canseco. Billy also left the listeners with a piece of marine biology trivia that nobody asked for.
Billy FootballSix people can fit in a whale's vagina
Whales, you can fit six people in a whale's vagina. Sick.
Just remember, if your ice cream needs the same storage conditions as a Pfizer vaccine, you probably shouldn't buy it in bulk.
