The Jets are very much for real

The Jets get their statement win... if they can win one or even two of these three games against the Patriots, Bills, Patriots, they would have to be considered very much for real. I'm ready to consider them very much for real. Their defense is really, really fucking good.

The Vikings are the worst 7-1 team of all time

I think [the Vikings] might be the worst seven and one team of all time... we know that the Vikings are a good team, we know they're fine, but like Kirk Cousins, it's gonna be very difficult for us to ever fully buy in.

I will get Kirk Cousins' face tattooed on my ass if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna get Kirk Cousins' face tattoo on my ass if they win the Super Bowl... I will do the, I was wrong tattoo. If they get to the Super Bowl... I'll also convert to whatever denomination of Christianity Kirk Cousins is.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.