The speed at which a city's NFL players chug beer is directly correlated to the success of their local NBA/NHL teams

I said at the start of the playoffs, I was like, the speed in which your football players chug beers is directly correlated to your basketball team's success in the playoffs. And we've seen it time and again in the NHL, in the NBA. And guess what? [Aaron] Rodgers absolutely cursed [the Bucks].

If you can't chug a beer in the state of Wisconsin, you should be excommunicated

There's actually no state worse to be in and not be able to chug a beer than the state of Wisconsin. If you can't chug a beer in the state of Wisconsin, you've got to get out instantly.

Drake is a Canadian version of a trash-talker who waits to respond via subtle social media changes

That's the most Canadian response ever to a disc track is to just wait and then subtly change your social media. Yeah, take as much time as possible. That's as mean as they get in Canada.

Odell Beckham Jr. is not being traded to the Vikings

Odell was not getting traded to the [Vikings]... I don't want to tell anybody that without being a hundred percent right because that's the worst thing you could ever do.

Rob Gronkowski is not close to being in game shape or returning to the NFL

I don't think he act look when we were training at Unbreakable... he's waste are than he ever has been right? So we're even talking about what it would take for him to come back and he was never like hi. I need a new approach new program... he's not even close to how it was betrayed.

The Patriots will not trade Rob Gronkowski to the Buccaneers just to help Tom Brady

Also I don't see him going to the Bucks... the Patriots [Belichick] has control, right? So why would they just be like, 'Oh, yeah sure.' They would trade him because they could get something for him, but they're not going to just send him to go help the guy who left them.