The St. Louis Dispatch's leaked 'championship' ad is more embarrassing than the mistake itself

I don't really blame the St. Louis Dispatch because they do have to be prepared. But to get that leaked is the big issue here. I think what happened was they were trying to sell ads... and then somebody took a picture of that email and sent it out.

A Bruins Stanley Cup Game 7 at home is a once-in-a-lifetime sports event

It's like Game 7 at home Bruins once in a lifetime thing, but I'm not a diehard Bruins fan. But it's your birthday and it's a party.

Sports fans are forbidden from shaving their beards during a deep playoff run

If you're a sports fan and you're a fan of your hockey team and they're in fucking Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final and you have a beard, you cannot shave it. I don't care if you're superstitious.

I am rooting for the Dominican Republic over Team USA in the WBC because they are more electric

The Dominican team is electric and I like to be entertained when I'm watching sports. This tournament's for entertainment. I want to watch more games with the Dominican Republic team. I want more. I'm rooting for the USA correctly, but I respect the hell out of the Dominican team.

I need to get into a car accident that totals my car so I have an excuse to buy a new one

I need to get in an accident that totals this car so that I have no choice but to get a new car. I want to get a sick car. That way I don't even have a choice.

The altitude on airplanes causes people to cry during movies

I was tearing up [at the F1 movie]. It's the altitude. The altitude. I didn't even like the movie that much, but the end got me and they like, oh, it's 'cause you were on a plane. That's a thing.