Gonzaga will never make it back to a Final Four

Gonzaga is like, I don't think they'll be back. I'm sure they have great recruits and everything, but damn, that's a [loss]. That's never going to get to a Final Four.

Coach K will lose the game immediately after his 100th career tournament victory

Of course [Coach K] is going to get to 100. He's probably going to lose the next game so he can walk away with exactly a hundred clean wins, just straight up three figures.

Drew Timme does not have the killer instinct

I'm going to say it right now. Drew Timme doesn't have the killer instinct. I love that [drop step] move. But yeah... [Chet Holmgren] got in foul trouble and they kept just going right at them.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.