The unluckiness of the New York Jets is unrivaled in professional sports

The power of the unluckiness of the New York Jets is unrivaled in professional sports. I feel bad for Mike Greenberg... but if I'm in the trust tree, it was also kind of funny... that they had six months where it's like we finally solved our quarterback situation... and then four plays in, it's like, well, we're fucked again.

Announcers need to stop saying 'asterisk' on wins

I don't know why it's become a thing that announcers are now saying asterisk. They did it for the Lions game too. Tarico did the asterisk for No Kelsey, Chris Jones. And then last night they're like, well, asterisk there was tripping on the part return. Who the fuck cares. The Wind's a win.

Colin Kaepernick would suck if he returned to the NFL now because he hasn't played in seven years

[Kaepernick], he hasn't played in what, six years? Seven years. So he's gonna come back and he's gonna suck ass because he hasn't played football in forever... if you love Colin Kaepernick, if you think he got jobbed by the NFL, you should actually be hoping and praying that he does not get a chance to play anymore.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.