Jajuan Howard is the new Coach Calipari because he underachieves despite producing lottery picks

Jajuan Howard's the new coach Cal, that is what made me feel really, really old was Jajuan Howard has a son that just got drafted in the NBA... you see a loaded team [Michigan] get picked and you're like, wait, they weren't in the tournament. That's weird.

Jaime Jaquez Jr. is the perfect fit for the Heat culture

Jaime Jaquez to the Heat, like perfect Heat culture. He's going to have a series probably next NBA playoffs where he somehow averages like 25 points a game out of nowhere... he is the perfect Heat culture guy and he will be a very good player in the NBA because he got drafted by the Heat.

Brandon Miller is a genius for claiming Paul George is his GOAT so he wouldn't offend Michael Jordan

I think Brandon Miller is kind of a genius. They interviewed him the other day and he said that his GOAT, his favorite player in NBA history is Paul George. That to me tells me he's thinking two steps ahead because he knew that Charlotte wanted to draft him... He knew that he could not say that it was LeBron James because Michael Jordan is still very much involved in the draft process for Charlotte.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.