Albert Pujols shouldn't be in the All-Star game because he 'fucking sucks'

People getting mad about Albert Pujols being in the home run Derby, which is a crock of shit. But I'm also at the point in my life where I, cause he fucking sucks. He can't even walk. He shouldn't be in the all-stars. He made the all star game... and Albert Pujols is taking a spot away from someone who could [hit home runs].

MLB might rig the Home Run Derby for Albert Pujols by giving him 'good balls'

I do think there's a pretty good chance that they might rig it for Albert Pujols. He might get the good balls.

I bet $40,000 on the Orioles to win the AL

I made a bet on the Orioles to win the AL at 400 to one... I just got caught up in the buzz and I was like, fuck, I think I want a ride. I want, I want to ride with these guys.

Bratwurst has the worst physical aftermath of any competitive eating food

There's a couple that like, I know going in, they're gonna be rough. Like anything with bratwurst, bratwurst, man, there's, they add extra fat in there and it, it's, it's running through you. It, it, it, it's, you're not in control. It's there. There's, there's accidents bound to happen there.

I can eat two gallons of soft-serve ice cream in eight minutes

I'm thinking close to, close to two gallons worth. It'd be, it'd be like, so I did an ice cream contest and after the contest I was like shivering because I was so, like, it was like everything was cold. So I, I think close to two gallons would be in, in about eight minutes.

I am going to smash the hot dog world record against Kobayashi

I'm gonna smash [the record]. I'm gonna eat more hot dogs than ever before... Right now the over-under is like 66, and I'm gonna blow that out.