Gonzaga is never going to win a national championship

Gonzaga is like, does I don't there'll be back. I'm sure they have great recruits and everything, but damn, that's a [loss]. That's never going to get to a final four [again].

Coach K will lose the game immediately after his 100th career tournament victory

Of course [Coach K] is going to get to 100. He's probably going to lose the next game so he can walk away with exactly a hundred clean wins, just straight up three figures. Okay. You get it. Great job, Coach K, a hundred. Everyone's going to remember that for all time. We'll look back on it 50 years from now... oh yeah, Coach K had a hundred wins. Of course he wasn't going to lose at 99.

Drew Timme does not have the killer instinct

I'm going to say it right now. Drew Timme doesn't have the killer instinct. I love that [drop step] move. But yeah... [Chet Holmgren] got in foul trouble and they kept just going right at them.

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.