Cash is the greatest Christmas gift you can ever give
So the real answer here is cash. All boyfriends want cash. They want cold, hard cash... Cash is the greatest gift you could ever give... When you open up a card, you're expecting cash in there. Put the fucking cash in there.
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View episodeAn alien invasion would be a blessing in disguise because it would unify Earth against a common enemy
I actually think that this could be a blessing in disguise for Earth. Because it's like Earth has been in training camp with each other for the last, like, 2,000 years... And now all of a sudden we've got an enemy to play against. It's fun hitting somebody else, right?
Aliens will eventually hack the cloud and release everyone's deleted messages and photos
I've always thought that at some point in the future that every text message, Snapchat, picture message, picture they've ever taken and deleted, that's all going to end up on the internet for everyone... Aliens are about to start that. They're aliens, so they obviously know how to get to the cloud.
The US military is faking alien news to distract Donald Trump and steal NASA's funding
The military saw how good NASA was at holding [Trump's] attention... they're like, this president fucking loves aliens and loves space. And they're getting... NASA's shine is getting too bright right now. We want a slice of that pie. And so now they're trying to distract him... they're like, fuck it. We're going to make up some aliens and we're going to pretend that there's a war because there's nothing more than Donald Trump wants.
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View profileThe Lions will win the NFC North
I think they're gonna be really good. Are the Lions on Crosby watch? ... I think them and maybe the Cowboys might be on Crosby watch. ... I think they probably will win the NFC North.
The Bears could have a top-five offense even if they miss the playoffs
There's a world where the Bears don't make the playoffs, but they're a top-five offense. And our defense is so bad that I can almost—I would be very upset, but I could deal with it.
The Jaguars could win the AFC South
I think the Jaguars are not getting any respect or talked about a lot. I think they're gonna be really good this year. They could win the South. I think Trevor Lawrence is gonna keep going forward.