I would be more concerned about the COVID-19 response if Dr. Fauci threw a 90mph strike

It would actually be concerning to me if Dr. Fauci went out there and grooved one like 90 miles an hour right down the pipe. That would be like, I don't know if I want this guy leading my response to infectious disease.

I'm pre-mad about how much the Mike Tyson vs. Roy Jones Jr. fight is going to suck

Mike Tyson is back. He's going to fight Roy Jones Jr. in September... I'm going to buy this fight... and it's going to suck. It's going to be sadder than the Kimbo Slice Dada 5000 fight. This is going to without a question suck and I'm going to get so excited for it.

I must have at least three Cleveland Browns players on my fantasy team every season

I only draft Browns players on my team... It's just because last the last time I won fantasy football, I had Braylon Edwards and Derek Anderson as a one-two punch... So now I have to have that a minimum three Browns on my fantasy football team every season and I have not won since that season.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.