PMT DB
PMT DB
Jerry O'Connell, Baseball Returns, and the Mt. Rushmore of PLL Names
Sports are officially back, sort of. The Nationals and Yankees kicked off the MLB season with a rain-shortened affair, but the real highlight was Dr. Fauci taking the mound. His first pitch didn't exactly find the strike zone, or the catcher, or the general vicinity of home plate. Big Cat and PFT found a way to spin the disaster into a positive for the nation's health.
Big CatDr. Fauci's first pitch was almost good because of how terrible it was
I actually think first pitches either be terrible or be incredible. I don't think Dr. Fauci had incredible in him. Might as well just go terrible. It was almost good how bad it was.
PFT CommenterI would be more concerned about the COVID-19 response if Dr. Fauci threw a 90mph strike
It would actually be concerning to me if Dr. Fauci went out there and grooved one like 90 miles an hour right down the pipe. That would be like, I don't know if I want this guy leading my response to infectious disease.
Beyond the diamond, the guys caught up with the latest NFL news, specifically the Raiders' owner Mark Davis finding his zen at a PF Chang's. Big Cat’s dream is now a 24-hour sit-down interview with Mark Davis at a circular table in the middle of the restaurant, just letting the Mongolian beef and the vibes dictate the conversation.
Jerry O'Connell's Fantasy Nightmare
Jerry O'Connell returned to the show, appearing via video while sitting on the hood of a rusted-out 1986 Jaguar that his wife, Rebecca Romijn, accidentally bought on eBay while having a few drinks. Jerry is in peak form, wearing an oversized LaDainian Tomlinson jersey and preparing to teach a broadcasting class to his children because they have no interest in his movie career.
When the conversation shifted to football, Jerry revealed a fantasy football strategy that would make any logical person weep. He is a slave to his own superstitions, specifically an obsession with the Cleveland Browns that dates back to the Derek Anderson era.
Jerry O'ConnellI must have at least three Cleveland Browns players on my fantasy team every season
I only draft Browns players on my team... It's just because last the last time I won fantasy football, I had Braylon Edwards and Derek Anderson as a one-two punch... So now I have to have that a minimum three Browns on my fantasy football team every season and I have not won since that season.
Jerry O'ConnellAustin Hooper is definitely going to be my fantasy tight end this year, even if I have to draft him in the second round
[Austin Hooper] is definitely gonna be my tight end and I'm gonna do something not so smart where I pick him in like the second round or something. That's how weird it was.
Jerry’s draft board is essentially a list of personal grudges and "no-fly" zones. He refuses to draft players from teams that annoy him or teams he simply doesn't like watching on television, regardless of how many points they put up on the scoreboard.
Jerry O'ConnellI refuse to draft DeAndre Hopkins because I can't watch Texans games
I have weird teams that I can't watch. I don't know what it is about the Texans that annoy me so I could never draft DeAndre Hopkins, even if I had a top five pick.
Jerry O'ConnellI refuse to draft any Dallas Cowboys wide receivers
No offense to the Dallas Cowboys. I do not take Dallas Cowboys wide receivers anymore. I can't do it. It's also tough not to draft Dallas Cowboys because they're on basically every Sunday or Monday night game.
The Washington Football Team and the Kraken
In a move that surprised everyone by how little effort was involved, the Washington R-words officially became the Washington Football Team. Big Cat and PFT are actually coming around on the minimalism. While the rest of the world mocks the lack of a mascot, PFT is leaning into the literal nature of the name.
PFT CommenterMascot names are for 'candy-asses'; the 'Washington Football Team' is a superior name because it's literal
I'm starting to talk myself into the fact... I'm going to Spin Zone my way into loving this team name... you have to be a candy-ass to have a mascot for a team... we're football team. We play football football. We don't need any of this rare as hide stuff.
Big CatI actually like the numbers on the helmets for the Washington Football Team
I actually like the helmets. I like numbers on a helmet. People are like, oh man, that's a college thing. Yes, it is. But why not have one team in the NFL have it? Kind of cool.
Big Cat also offered a darker theory on why Dan Snyder is still in charge despite the recent scandals surrounding the organization. He thinks the other billionaires in the "owners' club" are looking out for their own interests.
Big CatDan Snyder will remain the owner of the Washington Football Team because other NFL owners are too afraid of the precedent of firing an owner for team culture issues
I just think that every other owner in the league is too afraid of being implicated in situations exactly like that to set the precedent that we will fire you if the stuff happens on your watch, so I think Snyder's going to stay for a while.
Meanwhile, in hockey, the Seattle Kraken officially joined the NHL. While the logo is elite, the guys had plenty of alternative suggestions for what the team should have been called, ranging from the cute to the musical.
Big CatThe Seattle Kraken should have been named the Seattle Sea Lions because sea lions are cuter than seals
I just like cute mascots, you know... Seattle sea lions. Sea lions are cuter than seals. Embrace the bait. Yeah because they have the whisker... sea lions have ears, seals don't.
PFT CommenterThe Seattle Kraken should have been named the 'Seattle Sirens'
I thought that a great name would be the Seattle Sirens. Then at the goal siren, you could have Courtney Love just up in the corner just trying to lure people to date her.
Mt. Rushmore of PLL Names
With the Premier Lacrosse League returning this weekend, it was only right to do a Mt. Rushmore of the best names in the league. Lacrosse names are a different breed, usually sounding like they were generated by a computer programmed exclusively with Ivy League frat rosters. The draft saw heavy hitters like Tucker Durkin and Blaze Riorden go early, while Billy proved once again that he shouldn't be allowed to have a first-round pick after taking Dave DiNapoli.
"A Kraken is a mythological creature... sometimes they wash up on the shore."
Don't forget to tune in for the 24-hour Grit Week stream starting next Wednesday as the guys raise money for charity and slowly lose their minds.
See everyone on Monday.
