The Dodgers have already won the World Series after the trade deadline

The winners and losers of the trade deadline, the Dodgers have won it all. Just give them the trophy right now. You get Yu Darvish. Yeah.

Colin Kaepernick isn't being signed because his vegan diet makes him physically weak

I think that the reason [Kaepernick] is not being signed is because he's not taking care of his body. He's made up of plant proteins. Not animal proteins, and he's just not as... resilient. I've never seen a plant win a fight.

The government has already won the spying game because everyone willingly put Alexa listening devices in their homes

Big Brother, you thought that the government was going to start putting robots in our houses. They just flipped the script and they're like, everyone has to go buy those stupid Alexa things. And they willingly put it in their house. And now we've been spied on. And now it's over. If you buy an Alexa, you're done. It has your credit card information. You're done.

The Giants will make the playoffs

In the NFC I have ... the Rams. And then my wild card teams are the Seahawks, the Lions and Cowboys, the New York Giants.

The Bills will beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl

It is going to be the Buffalo Bills defeating the Philadelphia Eagles. ... Buffalo Bills over the Philadelphia Eagles.

Deshaun Watson will get even worse

I think Deshaun Watson's gonna get worse. I think he's gonna get even worse. I think it's gonna be comically bad.