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Loss
HankHank

The Celtics might be cursed due to the rare Kristaps Porziņģis injury

I spent the full Uber up there when I thought I had my backpack. I'm thinking I'm just getting on the flight. I'm like, we're cursed, we're cursed, we're cursed, we're cursed. Like is there a chance we're cursed? This is bad.

The Celtics won the championship easily in 5 games despite the injury, proving they were not cursed.

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Void
Jun 12, 2024
#13434
Big CatBig Cat

Joey Chestnut's ban from the Nathan's contest is a sign of the late stages of the American empire

Joey Chestnut has been banned from the Nathan's hot dog eating competition on July 4th in America is at its knees. It's the end of it. It feels like the late stages of an empire. This is the sign.

While metaphorically a 'disaster' for fans, Joey Chestnut did eventually face a major career shift by leaving the Nathan's contest, though the American empire remains intact.
Win
Jun 12, 2024
#13436
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Joey Chestnut is the best eater of all time in the history of the world

Everybody eats. Joey Chestnut is the best person, the best eater of all time in the history of the world. He needs to be rich for that fact.

In the world of competitive eating, Chestnut holds almost every major record, making this a widely accepted take in that niche.
Loss
Jun 12, 2024
#13439
Big CatBig Cat

Joey Chestnut should be a billionaire

What does Joey Chestnut, what does Jeff Bezos do better than Joey Chestnut? Not a lot. What does Elon Musk do better than Joey Chestnut? Like, I want Joey Chestnut to be so rich that he can do whatever he wants.

Economically, he is not and will likely never be a billionaire. This is a satirical value judgment.

More from Hank

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Loss
HankHank

Tom Brady could still throw for 4,000 yards and 30 touchdowns in the NFL right now

Tom Brady... It's football. They had the flag football event this past weekend. Tom Brady played in it. I mean, he could go out next year in the league and probably get 4,000 yards, 30 touchdowns.

Brady is 48 and retired; the likelihood of him returning and putting up elite stats is nearly zero.
Void
HankHank

Aaron Judge is an absolute choke artist who delivered nothing for Team USA

Aaron Judge, like you knew he was striking out. And he did. He's an absolute joke, absolute choke artist. Expected nothing else from him and he delivered nothing.

This reflects the consensus opinion of the hosts following the game's outcome as described in the show.
Open
HankHank

Betting Arkansas team total under 87.5

I'm gonna go Arkansas team total under 87 and a half.

The outcome of the 2026 tournament game is pending.

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