The Dodgers are a weaker team than the Nationals

The Dodgers are coming to Wrigley Field. I do think the Dodgers are a weaker of the two teams. Slash, I didn't want to see Daniel Murphy again.

I want the Cubs to keep winning just to keep Big Cat in a state of 'happiness edging' without winning the World Series

I want the Cubs to keep winning. I don't want the Cubs to win the World Series, but it's not because I want to see you in pain. I like it when you're this happy. I just want it to keep extending and extending. But I just don't want to see you ever reach that goal. You need to edge for about nine more months until spring training.

Mike McCoy is the most generic-looking white dude who probably goes to Jimmy Buffett concerts

Mike McCoy is the most generic-ass looking white dude. He's a guy that your dad plays golf with... McCoy just looks like a guy that spends too much time in the sun and has eight Salt Life shirts and goes to a Jimmy Buffett concert every fall, and that's his one vacation for the kids.

The Colts are even less watchable than the Chargers

They are the deadest, most non-competitive football team, other than the Chargers, that I've ever seen. I think they might be worse.

The Patriots feel like a one- or two-seed

I feel like the Bills are gonna lose another game. Not against the Patriots. Lose their next game against the Patriots and then we're gonna be in the same spot. So where do you feel though overall? Like are you the two seed? One seed possibly one seed. Two. Two or one seed. Yeah. That's how it feels.

The Jets can't build a winning culture

You just can't. It's hard to build a winning culture ever. It doesn't matter what you're doing if you're the Jets.