PMT DB
PMT DB
Blake Bortles on Wikipedia Club, Tattoos, and the NFL Ratings Crisis
Dusty Baker has done it again. The Nationals have managed to blow a playoff series, which means the Dodgers are heading to Wrigley Field. Big Cat is riding a wave of confidence that can only lead to total heartbreak, and PFT is right there to make sure he doesn't enjoy it too much.
PFT CommenterI want the Cubs to keep winning just to keep Big Cat in a state of 'happiness edging' without winning the World Series
I want the Cubs to keep winning. I don't want the Cubs to win the World Series, but it's not because I want to see you in pain. I like it when you're this happy. I just want it to keep extending and extending. But I just don't want to see you ever reach that goal. You need to edge for about nine more months until spring training.
Big Cat isn't just excited for the Cubs; he's relieved he doesn't have to see Daniel Murphy again, though he's already eyeing the next matchup with a critical eye.
Big CatThe Dodgers are a weaker team than the Nationals
The Dodgers are coming to Wrigley Field. I do think the Dodgers are a weaker of the two teams. Slash, I didn't want to see Daniel Murphy again.
Turning to the NFL, the ratings are down, and it might be because of coaches like Mike McCoy. PFT has him pegged as the most generic human being alive, the kind of guy who owns eight Salt Life shirts and peaked at a Jimmy Buffett concert.
PFT CommenterMike McCoy is the most generic-looking white dude who probably goes to Jimmy Buffett concerts
Mike McCoy is the most generic-ass looking white dude. He's a guy that your dad plays golf with... McCoy just looks like a guy that spends too much time in the sun and has eight Salt Life shirts and goes to a Jimmy Buffett concert every fall, and that's his one vacation for the kids.
Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club
The most important segment on the show returned as Blake Bortles joined for the monthly meeting of the Wikipedia Club. This month, the focus was on the cultural icons of Jacksonville: Limp Bizkit. While Blake wasn't aware Fred Durst was a local legend until now, he's definitely seen the Jacksonville vibe in person, including a Fred Durst DJ set at a Mellow Mushroom.
Blake BortlesLimp Bizkit is the most famous thing to come out of Jacksonville
I mean, [Limp Bizkit] are by far the most famous thing to come out of Jacksonville for sure, right?
The conversation took a serious turn toward permanent skin art. After Blake mentioned his "Unconventional Four" group chat tattoos, Big Cat saw an opening. Now, the entire club is apparently legally obligated to get inked together.
Blake BortlesI will get a Wikipedia Club tattoo if we all get one
If we all get one, I'm 100% in. [Maybe this weekend in Chicago] I agree. Oh, let's do it. All right. We talked ourselves. God damn it.
Since it's October, the club also looked into the myths of poisoned Halloween candy. Blake has very little patience for people who try to ruin the holiday with health food or stingy portions. For Blake, the way you handle a candy bowl is a scouting report on your character.
Blake BortlesAs a GM, I'm not drafting any player who takes only one piece of candy from a 'please take one' bowl; you want someone who takes the whole thing
As a GM, I'm not drafting anybody who takes one and walks out. [I'm taking the whole thing immediately]. That's a winner's mentality. Take what they give you.
Blake BortlesIf you hand out fruit for Halloween instead of candy, you deserve to have something thrown at your house
There was a big phase that people in my neighborhood went through for some reason about giving out fruit. Like trying to change the generation of what they eat. And it was like, if you gave us fruit, you were getting something thrown at you.
PR 101: The Bone Zone
Ken Bone went from the most lovable man in a red sweater to a Reddit scandal in record time. After failing to clear his search history before an AMA, the internet discovered his interest in some specific subreddits. PFT thinks Ken shouldn't hide from his new reputation; he should lean into the business opportunities it presents.
PFT CommenterKen Bone should immediately cash in and do a 'Prego porn' video
Ken is definitely going to get some propositions from a porn company to be like, hey... do you want to do some Prego porn? And you got to do it. Cash in. Just got to cash in.
Big Cat, however, is looking at the bigger picture. He’s connecting the dots between Ken's employment and the coal industry, suspecting this might be a deep-state play.
Big CatKen Bone is a plant for the coal industry
Ken Bone, his employer — one of the biggest coal plants in America. And also a coal company that is opposed to climate change... regulations... So I don't know where these dots lead to, but it seems like a plant to me. Coal plant.
Trouble in Paradise and Jimbos
In the NBA, the beef between Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook is heating up. Big Cat is already tired of the narrative, specifically Durant’s attempts to frame his move to the Warriors as a search for "selfless" basketball.
Big CatKevin Durant is a 'big fucking baby'
Kevin Durant is a big fucking baby. And what did he say? He said that there was a lot of selfish guys on the Thunder... implying that the Thunder are selfish.
PFT CommenterKevin Durant and Russell Westbrook kind of deserved each other, and it's sad to see them separated
I think Westbrook and Durant kind of deserved each other. And I'm sad that they're going to be separated because those two together, it was great TV.
Finally, the show wrapped up with Jimbos and a bit of a science lesson from Hank. Hank’s struggle with airplane Wi-Fi led to a theory about being closer to the source in space, though PFT is more concerned about what all those ones and zeros are doing to our internal organs.
HankWi-Fi signals should be stronger on planes because you're closer to space
Wi-Fi come from signals in space, right? Yes. So how come if you're in the plane, shouldn't the signal be stronger in the air? I agree. Yeah, no, that's a good point.
PFT CommenterWi-Fi and data signals will give us all weird diseases and cancer in 30 years
One thing I do know about Wi-Fi is that all of us are going to get really weird forms of diseases and cancer in about 30 years from just hanging out next to all this data just passing through our systems.
If you find yourself with a pile of parking tickets on your windshield this weekend, just remember PFT's golden rule: if you aren't getting a degree from the place, the ticket doesn't exist.
PFT CommenterYou don't actually have to pay campus parking tickets if you don't plan on graduating from that college
I know one thing about colleges and tickets on cars... You don't have to pay those tickets. It doesn't matter. If you don't plan on graduating from that college, you don't have to pay.
Just don't go to any work parties to celebrate your new legal freedom.
Big CatWork parties suck and nothing good can come from them
Work parties fucking suck. Can I just say that? Work parties suck. There's nothing good that can come from a work party. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, holiday party. Someone's going to get drunk. Someone's going to puke. Someone's going to be embarrassed. Someone might lose their job.
Monday's show features an interview with Mike Ditka that involves a very important investigation into a televised fart.
