I want to be replaced by a parrot if I die in Cleveland

If I do die in Cleveland... I want a parrot... play old episodes of Pardon My Take for the parrot... put it in front of a microphone and you talk to it and it'll just basically do the same shitty takes that we've done for the past three months. Nobody will even know that it's not me anymore.

Phil Mickelson is the first person with a recessive clutch gene

Phil [Mickelson] has a clutch gene because he's won a championship, but I think he might be the first person with a recessive clutch gene. You know how a redhead... you'll blow the redhead that pops up in your family. He's got the recessive clutch gene because he so often finishes second.

Phil Mickelson choked away another major championship

Anytime you got Phil [Mickelson] finishing in second, the storyline is Phil Mickelson choked away another one. Let's focus where it needs to be because it's always fun to make fun of Phil for being always the bridesmaid, never the bride guy.

The Texans Aren't All the Way Back Yet

I still think that there's an issue for the Texans. I don't think they're all the way back yet, because the defense is still—they're giving up 30 points a game a lot.

The Rams Might Just Be Bad

It feels like there's some bad vibes going on with the Rams. They could just be McVay. Seems like he's not having a good time at all. They might just be bad.

The Rams Will Still Make the Playoffs

I think they'll make the playoffs. I don't want to take that back. I don't think they'll be fine. I think they'll make the playoffs, and this might be the end of the line for Stafford.