Papa John is the new face of Kentucky basketball

I think we should just go with a take that Papa John is now the new face of Kentucky basketball. When I think UK Wildcats, I think shitty pizza.

Dogs love vaping and it is a relatively unknown scientific fact

Dogs love vape. It's a relatively unknown fact, but I would imagine that the more chill a dog is, the higher percentage it has to win its competition.

Kyler Murray will be a first-round NFL draft pick

Kyler Murray has made the correct decision, and he's going to be an NFL quarterback. A really good one, probably, too. And now we get to debate for the next two months whether he will be a first-rounder, which he will. He will be.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.