PMT DB
PMT DB
Dog Show Judge Rick Weyrich and Howie Mandel on Dog Testicles and Germs
The bad boys of the dog world returned to the Westminster Dog Show, and miraculously, nobody was escorted out of the building this time. Big Cat and PFT spent the day dodging mink coats and observing the absolute insanity of pageant parents for canines. PFT was convinced he found a competitive edge for the pups involving some second-hand clouds.
PFT CommenterDogs love vaping and it is a relatively unknown scientific fact
Dogs love vape. It's a relatively unknown fact, but I would imagine that the more chill a dog is, the higher percentage it has to win its competition.
The real football news finally broke with Kyler Murray officially choosing the gridiron over the diamond. Big Cat is tired of the debate already because the choice between being a face of a franchise and playing right field in Oakland is barely a choice at all.
Big CatAn NFL starting quarterback is the apex predator of the sports world
If you have the choice of being an NFL quarterback or an outfielder, maybe an outfielder for the Oakland A's, it's not really a choice. And it's like you're it's the national brand of being a national hero versus being maybe at your absolute peak... starting quarterbacks in the NFL are the top, they're apex predators in the sports world.
While the height-watch begins for Kyler, the guys also looked at the rest of the QB landscape. Hank is already dreaming of the post-Brady era in New England, while Big Cat noted a funny trend regarding draft stock as April approaches.
Big CatQuarterback draft stock only ever goes up as the NFL Draft approaches
Wherever [a quarterback] is going to be drafted today, he will be drafted higher once the draft comes. Because every quarterback just keeps going up and up and up.
Hot Seat, Cool Throne
Hot Seat is the NFL Hall of Fame, specifically because of a certain Detroit quarterback. Big Cat pointed out that Matthew Stafford just turned 31 and is quietly amassing stats that will make his future Canton candidacy a total nightmare for voters who actually watch the games.
Big CatMatthew Stafford will own major passing records and still be considered a bad quarterback
Matthew Stafford is going to be a real problem for the NFL Hall of Fame. when he plays 10 more years and has every record and is the shittiest quarterback of all time. Matthew Stafford was basically the most perfect, terrible quarterback to come along and play as much as he is. If he plays for like 10 more years, he will have every record.
PFT put NBA Dads on the Cool Throne. For years, dads have been yelling at the television about the lack of traveling calls, and after seeing some of the "gather steps" being taken by Bradley Beal and others, the old men have officially been vindicated.
PFT CommenterNBA dads are correct that traveling is no longer called in the league
My cool throne is dads. Because we're all in agreement now that traveling is no longer called in the NBA. So, dads, you were right. They don't call it anymore. It was a gather step, bro. No, it was five steps... There were three gather steps, and then there were two more steps.
Big Cat also kept a close eye on the Lakers, who are spiraling toward a lottery pick while LeBron tries to hold the locker room together with glue and Instagram captions. After a loss to the Hawks, things are looking grim in Tinseltown.
Big CatThe Lakers will miss the NBA playoffs this season
The Los Angeles Lakers, if the playoffs started today, would not be in it. They'll be three games out after tonight's loss to the Hawks... LeBron [James] out of my arm. I don't want to miss the playoffs. Rondo hit the game winner, and it was like, well, problem solved. The Lakers are okay. And then they're out of the playoffs right now.
The Judge and the Germaphobe
Rick Weyrich, an official AKC judge, joined the show to pull back the curtain on the dog show world. He explained that judges aren't just looking for a cute face; they are comparing each animal to a mental "platonic ideal" of the breed. He also confirmed that, yes, a significant part of his job involves touching dog testicles to ensure the dogs are "intact."
Rick WeyrichPoodles are often favored in dog shows because their glamour catches judges' eyes better than low-key breeds
The glamorous dog catches [the judge's] eye... the Dalmatian, I think it's overlooked because of there's so many glamorous dogs in the non-sporting group and two of them are poodles.
Rick also took some time to judge Leroy and Stella. While Leroy’s thickness was noted and Stella’s barking gait was analyzed, both pups received a passing grade from an expert who has seen it all.
Big CatThere are no bad dogs in the world, only bad owners
All dogs are good. It's only owners that are dickheads. True. No bad dogs, only bad owners. That's a fact.
Then, Howie Mandel entered the lions' den, otherwise known as the PMT office. It went about as well as you’d expect for a legendary germaphobe. Howie was visibly shaken by the "Jackson Pollock of vomit" décor and was nearly sent into cardiac arrest when Big Cat admitted to his habit of urinating in the kitchen sink because the office bathroom line is too long.
Getting hit in the nuts is the ultimate comedic punchline that no comedian can top
I think that's the ultimate punchline... No, I think getting hit in the nuts is... I have no jealousy as a comedian [of the guy who gets kicked in the balls].
Howie reflected on his long career, noting that while he's played Radio City Music Hall, he still can’t compete with the raw comedic power of a guy getting hit in the nuts. It was a beautiful, disgusting meeting of the minds that ended with Howie promising to never return to the office again.
Just don't tell Howie about the sink-pissing if you see him on the street.
