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Void
May 22, 2017·Who's Back
#19447
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

If your wife goes away on business, you should move farther away from her to make her miss you more

Here's a pro tip for all you guys out there that are married. If your wife goes away on business, move farther away from your wife. Make her want to come to you.

This is terrible relationship advice given for comedic effect.

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Loss
May 22, 2017
#19442
Big CatBig Cat

Adam Silver texted LeBron James and told him to play bad for ratings and revenue

Did LeBron James get a text from Adam Silver being like, 'Hey, LeBron, all anyone can talk about is how the NBA Finals are nine days away after you sweep the Celtics. We're going to really need some more cash here, so could you just suck for an entire game and look totally disinterested?'

There is no evidence the commissioner texts players to fix games; the Cavs actually lost this game (Game 3) but won the series 4-1.
Push
May 22, 2017
#19440
HankHank

The Celtics are in year five of a rebuild and are closing in on LeBron James' tail

We're in year five of a rebuild. We have the number one draft pick. We're in the Eastern Conference Finals. We're clearly coming up on LeBron [James]'s tail. As long as we can dominate LeBron in the beginning of his career and then dominate him on the way out, I can be content with that.

The Celtics did eventually reach the Finals after LeBron left the East, but at the time of the take, LeBron still won the series 4-1 and remained the dominant force in the East for another year.
Void
May 22, 2017
#27485
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

If we die in the van, LeBron James should be our pallbearer so he can let us down one final time

If we die in Vanny Woodhead, let's have LeBron James as one of our pallbearers so he can let us down one final time.

The take is a joke about a future hypothetical funeral and a past performance; it doesn't have a factual truth value.

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Open
May 22, 2026
#30552
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Knicks will probably win the series in five games or even sweep the Cavs

I still think that the, the Knicks are probably gonna win in five. They could even pull off the sweep. I guess the only real question we have for you, 'cause we already, we declared that the New York Knicks have won the series after game one. Correct.

The series is currently ongoing with the Knicks leading 2-0.
Void
May 22, 2026
#30554
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NBA should rebrand the 'granny shot' as the 'pimp grip' to encourage players to use it

Nobody, no player in the NBA wants to shoot a free throw granny style. But if it's pimp grip, that sounds pretty fucking cool. Listen, if it goes in, it doesn't matter. Like if he and he would, he actually probably get some endorsements from it.

This is a comedic suggestion and not a verifiable fact claim.
Open
May 22, 2026
#30557
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I want the Thunder to win so we can love Victor Wembanyama longer before the inevitable hate cycle starts

I know who I want to win. I want the Thunder to win this series. And the reason why I want the thunder to win this series is because I think if the thunder win, we get to restart the clock on how much longer we get to love Weby before we hate 'em. If the Spurs win this series and then they win their first championship and Weby dominates, we're gonna eventually hate Weby.

The outcome of the series is pending, and the 'hate cycle' is a subjective sociological prediction.