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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Lionel Messi is afraid of killing everyone in Argentina because he chokes so much

Messi's afraid of killing everybody in Argentina because he chokes so much. So he's doing the right thing and dropping out. And I'd like to see players in the U.S. start to drop out for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.

This is a satirical interpretation of Messi's motives for retiring (which he later reversed).

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Void
Jun 27, 2016
#2251
Big CatBig Cat

I am going to make pooping your pants as an adult socially acceptable

None of it comes even close to what I'm trying to accomplish when it comes to making pooping your pants as an adult not something to be ashamed of. I'm a 31-year-old man. I make mistakes just like you... If this happens to you, don't be ashamed. I'm here for you. I want to give a voice to the voiceless, the grown adults out there.

Whether pooping your pants is socially acceptable remains subjective, but it became a recurring joke in PMT lore.
Loss
Jun 27, 2016
#2252
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Lionel Messi lacks the clutch gene and is likely a relative of Nazi Josef Mengele

I think that Messi might be a relative of a Nazi because a lot of them went to Argentina after the war to try to escape. Now, there was a doctor [Josef Mengele]... He was unable to uncover the clutch gene and isolate it. And that's why, you know, like Hitler, if he had had the clutch gene, he probably wouldn't have choked... Mingel moved to South America, had sex with an Argentinian. A few years later you get [Messi].

The timeline doesn't work out as Big Cat notes, and the biological claim is obviously false.
Loss
Jun 27, 2016
#2253
Big CatBig Cat

Lionel Messi should go to Cleveland and win a championship to repair his legacy

When the whole world thinks you're a quitter and is down on you, you go to Cleveland and you win a championship.

Messi never played for a Cleveland-based team; he stayed in Europe before eventually joining Inter Miami in 2023.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The schedule release is a highly watched media event, though many analysts share the sentiment that it is overblown.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

This is a procedural suggestion that has not been implemented by the league.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.

This is a hypothetical scheduling proposal to solve the issue of horses skipping the second jewel of the Triple Crown.