Urban Meyer will eventually be the head coach at USC

We'll just call him future USC head coach Urban Meyer.

Urban Meyer will absolutely coach again despite his current retirement

He's going to coach again, right? He's absolutely going to coach again. He's going to coach again.

Brian Kelly is on the hot seat because Urban Meyer is now 'lurking' for the Notre Dame job

The hot seat, the loser of this, Brian Kelly. Now, I don't think that Urban Meyer is going to coach at Notre Dame, but you better believe that if next year Notre Dame doesn't play well the entire year, there will be a ton of Urban Meyer. He's just lurking. Basically, if you are a premier program now, you have Urban Meyer lurking over your shoulder.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.