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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Pimento cheese sandwiches taste like microwaved Dunkaroos

You could get the same effect from microwaved Dunkaroos for 30 minutes in your microwave and then making a ball out of it. That's what the pimento cheese sandwich tastes like.

This is a highly subjective and absurd culinary comparison.

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Loss
Apr 8, 2016
#27437
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Ernie Els six-putting at the Masters is the worst thing a South African person has ever done in history

The bottom line is what Ernie Els did today was probably the worst thing a South African person has ever done... in the history of the world.

While Ernie Els did indeed have a historic six-putt on the first hole of the 2016 Masters, it is obviously not the worst thing in South African history.
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Apr 8, 2016·Talking Golf
#1379
Big CatBig Cat

Golf is not a major sport

I don't care if someone shoots the wrong club or if I said the wrong terminology with golf. Golf is not a major sport. It's not one of the four major sports for a reason. If it were a major sport, everyone would watch it.

While golf is a major global sport, it is traditionally excluded from the 'Big Four' North American professional leagues (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL).
Void
Apr 8, 2016
#27438
Big CatBig Cat

Golf guys are the biggest suckers in the world when it comes to buying equipment

Golf guys also are the biggest suckers in the world when it comes to equipment. You can never have enough golf equipment if you're a golf guy. You're buying the latest hybrid club, the cleats that are different than the old cleats you had, gloves that are anti-shock resistance. You're wrapping your clubs in different things.

This is a subjective assessment of a group's spending habits.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.