Takes

The MLB ban on chewing tobacco is an infringement on a player's right to get cancer

I think it's offensive to me. You should have the right to get cancer if you want it. And you're stealing that right from baseball players.

The Rangers' hazing incident where a teammate was 'jerked off' is just standard locker room talk

I know that a lot of people are like, wow, that's horrific, but guess what? That's locker room talk. That's guys just jerking each other off. What else are you supposed to do? How am I supposed to know that you have my back when we're playing a baseball game if I've never jerked you off?

Chicago is the 'Parade King' city with the best fans in the world.

All I know is that we parade cocked everyone else... Chicago Parade Kings, best fans... Chicago one-upped it [Tampa Bay].

Steve Bartman should decide when he returns to the spotlight, not the media.

The media has a weird fascination with getting Steve Bartman back involved with the Cubs now. It's so stupid... Steve Bartman gets to decide if he wants to come back, not the other way around.

Anthony Rizzo gave the World Series ball to Cubs owner Tom Ricketts to suck up for a new contract.

Kind of a nice gesture, but like, dude, you're just giving away $2 million? Weird, right? Well, maybe Anthony Rizzo signed a contract... He's wildly underpaid. So maybe he's doing a little brown-nosing to get the owner to rip up the contract and give him some more money.

Game 7 of the 2016 World Series was the greatest baseball game ever played

It was maybe the greatest Game 7 I've ever watched. I mean, I'm not going to say any sport, but definitely in baseball. It was so exciting. It had a little bit of everything.

The Cubs must name Jason Heyward captain next season for his rain delay speech

Jason Heyward had the greatest pump-up speech. $184 million speech is what Theo [Epstein] paid for. A players-only meeting during a rain delay. That's what you give the guy the big bucks... you've got to make Jason Heyward captain.

The Cubs do not win the World Series without Kyle Schwarber

I mean, the Cubs don't win the World Series without Kyle Schwarber. No, it's absolutely a fact. I think he had 10 hits.

I made a 'boatload' of money betting the over on the Cubs' total and the Cubs money line in Game 7

I made some coin on my bookie last night on the Cubs. Had the over on the Cubs total, and I had the Cubs winning outright money line. So I'm basically bathing in money right now.

The Marlins Man curse has officially moved to the city of Cleveland

The Marlins Man curse on the city of Cleveland just kicked in last night. He called his shot. He said, guess what? If the Indians lose, they are cursed. They're cursed because they were rude to me three years ago... and they don't have seats that you can see on television behind home plate.

Aroldis Chapman's ankle will be swollen and he will feel the injury in Game 7

Tomorrow it's going to swell. [Chapman] is going to feel it. He's probably, I don't know, maybe he's got some recovery water... but tomorrow it's going to swell. He's going to feel it.

Aroldis Chapman being brought in for the 9th inning of a 7-run game was weird managing

The ninth was a little weird when it ended up being a seven-run game. But we shall see.

The 2016 World Series is engineered for the Cubs to win in seven games

I think that this has all been engineered behind the scenes, and you're going to be the one that reaps all the rewards. So congratulations in advance on tonight's World Series champion, your 2016 Chicago Cubs.

I am 70% confident that the Cubs will force a Game 7 in the World Series

I'm 70% confident that the Cubs can get to Game 7. [Then] Game 7 is 50-50. Game 7 is a coin flip.

There would be no World Series champion if the season ended today

If the season ended today, we're taping this before the Cubs game, if the season ended today, there would be no World Series champion.

The Cubs are in trouble in the World Series because they got shut out in Game 1 and Andrew Miller is a beast

I think you guys are in trouble. I thought if you guys could at least hit, get a couple runs, keep the momentum going of your bats, then even if you lost, you'd be in a good spot. But the fact that you got shut out, it's not good... And the Miller thing, I don't agree with, because I think he could throw every day.

Kyle Schwarber used steroids to recover from his ACL injury in six months

Kyle Schwarber... Been doing a little literature research... I was reading an interview with a doctor from April. He said there's very, very, very, very little chance he comes back. He would need a superhuman recovery to make it back for the World Series... Literature research says Kyle Schwarber's on steroids.

The Cubs celebration for winning the NL pennant was maybe a little too much

I actually do think that the celebration was maybe a little too much, to be honest. I feel like, I mean, it was an unbelievable night, a night I'll never forget, but there definitely was a feeling like this is the greatest moment when still got the World Series to win.

The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series in four or five games

I got to go Cubs. I think it's going to be Cubs too. I think it's going to be four or five games.

The Cleveland Indians will win the World Series and celebrate at Wrigley Field

Man, how heartbreaking would that be if the Indians won in Wrigley Field, huh? And you guys had to watch him celebrate there? God, I hope that doesn't happen. No Cubs, no.

I'm pro-bandwagon; the more the merrier for the Chicago Cubs fan base

The more the merrier. Let them all on. As spokesperson for the Chicago Cubs, Big Cat has just opened up the bandwagon for everybody. Hop on.

The Cubs will win the World Series in seven games

I'm going to say Cubs in seven. The Indians are tougher than you think, man. They're pretty good. The tough thing with the Indians is if they get a lead on you with Shaw and then obviously Miller can go two innings and Cody Allen. So basically if they get through five innings with a lead, you're in bad shape.

Trevor Bauer's teammates are likely talking behind his back about his drone injury

I think they're more mad than they would lead on. Like they would probably say, Hey man, nothing, no big deal, but then you get the guys behind closed doors that are probably talking a lot of shit about him.

Kyle Schwarber can successfully return and hit home runs in the World Series after six months off

If anybody can do it, it would be [Schwarber] to step back, just to step up after a year off or not even a year, like six months off and be able to hit bombs. It would be him. He will not overthink it. That's impossible.

Clayton Kershaw gets too much hate; people focus on his last bad game and ignore that he pitched on short rest

I get a little defensive. [Kershaw] is like my son. It's like I get defensive when people get on him. I mean, the guy did—he herniated his disc. He came back short rest. He pitched three out of the five games in the first series. He dealt the first game, and then he had a bad last game, and that's all people hang on to.

October 22nd is the most significant date in Chicago Cubs history

October 22nd, 2016, the Cubs clinched the NLCS. October 22nd, 2011, the Cubs hired Theo Epstein. October 22nd, 1970, the man behind the Billy Goat curse died. October 22nd is a big-time sabermetrics date in Cubs history now.

The Cubs bats woke up because they started playing 'small ball' like Mike Scioscia

I think that the Cubs won because they finally listened to me and started playing some small ball. It's called foreplay, and Joe Maddon finally figured out you've got to get to first before you get to home plate. And instead of hitting home runs, they finally learned to build a rally with some bunts, some stolen bases. I call it socialism for Mike Scioscia.

There will definitely be a Game 7 in the Cubs-Dodgers NLCS

There's going to be game seven. That's all I'm saying. I want the Cubs to win. I'm on record, but there's going to be game seven.

The Cubs are not dead

The Cubs are not dead. We're not panicking. But they did get the shit kicked out of them by the Dodgers in L.A. Not much else to say. Rich Hill was fantastic. You just got to wait for the bats to come alive.

Joe Maddon belongs in the American League

Two things about Joe Maddon. Number one, he's obviously an American League manager... he clearly belongs in the AL.

Joe Maddon needs to get rid of his thick-framed glasses because players won't play hard for a nerd

Number two, I think it might be time to change the glasses. You can't... You've never seen a champion with thick frames like that before. It was cute at first, Joe. We get it. Get rid of the glasses, and then I think... Players won't play hard if their manager's a nerd.

The Cubs should bench Addison Russell and Jason Heyward for the rest of the NLCS

The Cubs just need to hit, and I think they probably need to put some guys – they need to have Addison Russell sit on the bench. They need Jason Heyward to stay on the bench. They need to put some guys out there, give them a shot. [Jorge] Soler, [Willson] Contreras, I don't know.

Small ball wins in the playoffs

Cubs were a tremendous – they are a tremendous power-hitting team. Are they not? Small ball wins in the playoffs. Bunt, steal bases. Bunt, repeat. Contact, repent, repeat.

The Cleveland Indians can play with 'house money' for the next decade because they won a title in 2016

The [Indians] are in the championship series. So as far as Cleveland goes, the whole city could just go to shit even more for the next six to 12 years, and they're still playing with house money at this point. They've had as much success this year as they could expect to have for the next decade.

The Cubs are going to win the World Series

When I wake up on Monday morning, I will get back to being confident about this Cubs team. Right now, Cubs are going to win the World Series.

Harry Caray would beat Vin Scully in a fight because he couldn't feel pain

[Harry Caray wins in a fight against Vin Scully]. Harry Caray. Couldn't feel pain. Too drunk... Well, you know, I'm not going to be the one to say that.

Kris Bryant is an underrated base runner and is actually elite at it despite his lack of speed

Kris Bryant, underrated base runner. People say that. He may not be fast, but he's a hell of a base runner. So say that.

Clayton Kershaw doesn't have the clutch gene

Kershaw doesn't have the clutch gene. Make sure you mention that when he pitches. But did he, 12 innings pitched, 8 in runs? Was that really clutch?

The Dodgers are a weaker team than the Nationals

The Dodgers are coming to Wrigley Field. I do think the Dodgers are a weaker of the two teams. Slash, I didn't want to see Daniel Murphy again.

I want the Cubs to keep winning just to keep Big Cat in a state of 'happiness edging' without winning the World Series

I want the Cubs to keep winning. I don't want the Cubs to win the World Series, but it's not because I want to see you in pain. I like it when you're this happy. I just want it to keep extending and extending. But I just don't want to see you ever reach that goal. You need to edge for about nine more months until spring training.

Even-year bullshit is dead now that the Giants have been eliminated

Welcome to Pardon My Take. It is Wednesday, October 12th. And even-year bullshit is dead... Let me tell you something about even-year bullshit. It's bullshit.

The Giants' bullpen was destined to blow up eventually

The Giants blew a record amount of saves this year. Their bullpen was shaky all year. They were going to blow up at some point.

I am 85% confident the Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

I'm like for overall World Series... 85% [confident].

The Indians logo is back on the hot seat because the team is actually winning

Hot seat, Indians logo. They're going to be in the ALCS, and that means the Indians logo is going to be on the hot seat again... If you stay bad, no one cares that your logo is offensive.

The Cubs are going to win the World Series as long as nothing crazy happens

They're the best team at baseball. As long as nothing crazy happens, they're going to win the World Series.

I'm picking the Red Sox in five because I haven't heard anyone from Cleveland sound confident about anything

I haven't heard anybody from Cleveland sound confident about anything. So I've got to go with [the Red Sox] because I haven't heard anybody from Cleveland sound confident... Red Sox in five.

The Cubs will not win the World Series this year

Spoiler, the Cubs aren't going to win the World Series this year.

The Boston Red Sox are effectively dead in the playoffs

It is Friday, October 7th, and the Boston Red Sox are dead. They're not dead, but Buck Showalter had to be very confused watching Terry Francona manage that game because Andrew Miller and Cody Allen pitched 40 pitches each.

The Red Sox regret getting rid of Terry Francona

Hank, do you think that the Red Sox are regretting getting rid of Terry Francona? No. I'm going to be the first to say that they are. That's definitely a conversation that needs to happen in America starting now.

This is the year the Cubs are having the most fun

This is the year that we're having the most fun. I guarantee you that. We're having a lot of fun, guys.