Takes

James Dolan staged the handshake with Spike Lee to create propaganda for the Knicks

I wouldn't put it past James Dolan. I would not at all this happens at all the time in spy movies and TV shows where you send somebody up to get long-distance snapshot of right looking like something inappropriate is happening and boom. You've got the propaganda right there.

I could beat Kevin Durant one-on-one right now because of his injury

Right now, I could probably beat him [Kevin Durant] one-on-one. I could absolutely beat Kevin Durant one-on-one right now.

Derrick Rose's 'kill yourself' comment was not a slip of the tongue

Derrick Rose said, 'everyone that thinks that it's going to stop, kill yourself.' ... He then doubled down on it. He said, 'like I said before, kill yourself.' ... When you say it twice, you don't get the slip of the tongue tag. When you double down, the slip of the tongue doesn't work anymore.

Lonzo Ball needs to fix his shot after losing to Bow Wow

If you lose to Lil' Bow Wow with no shoes on, you have to then go fix your shot. ... I know everyone says, oh, don't mess with Lonzo's game. [But] you have to then go fix your shot.

James Harden will definitely need PR 101 assistance again in the future

First up, we have a little PR 101 for James Harden, who I'm going to call my shot here. I think this isn't the last time we're going to have to do PR 101 for James Harden.

James Harden can reset his entire image and 'bad boy' reputation whenever he wants just by shaving his beard

James Harden has an automatic out whenever he wants. He just shaves his beard and he's like, 'Who are you guys talking about? That other guy?'... I'm clean cut now, so turn over a new leaf. I've changed my whole image. That's actually a good way to, if you're a bad boy, just grow the beard out so that you can always get that get out of jail free and shave the beard.

The Dunk Contest is boring because there are a finite amount of body positions possible

It's not like the dunks aren't super impressive. It's just that we've seen every dunk. It's like watching porn. There's a finite amount of body positions that the human form can get into. Eventually, you just get bored with it.

The US Basketball team should just say they were 'guys being dudes' to explain accidentally walking into a Brazilian brothel.

If the USA team wants to keep all their fans, they just say, listen, we're just guys being dudes. Finally a place where guys can go to a bar by themselves, not be hassled by women. We found it. The only spa in all of Rio de Janeiro that only allows men. And then, whoops, turns out it was a bunch of prostitutes there.

Draymond Green sending a dick pic is a 'nut shot' from the Warriors forward

Another nut shot from Draymond. Let me say that again. I stumbled over it. Another nut shot from Draymond.

Steven Adams should use an interpreter to avoid future controversial comments

If I'm Steven Adams, I'm bringing out an interpreter with me for the next interview that I have. Like, I know you speak English in New Zealand. But most people in America don't know that... having that interpreter that you speak through, that explains away a lot of the bad stuff that you're getting caught up in right now.

If Steph Curry loses in the finals, the public will turn on him and call him a fraud

Everybody rooted for him last year because he was the skinny kid... Now he's so confident in his abilities, people are starting to turn on him. If he loses in the playoffs or in the finals, they're going to be like, I guess he couldn't hang with the big boys. Guess he's a fraud.

Steph Curry needs a tragedy in his family to become likable again because Americans don't like perfect people

I don't want someone in Seth Curry's family to die, but if someone did die in his family, he would immediately lift the air of like hateability... I'll admit when my take got a little too hot, got away from me... but if someone did die, he would immediately lift the air of like hateability.

LeBron should toy with the Cavs' emotions by following rival teams

He knows that he can do whatever he wants in Cleveland. So he should just keep toying with their emotions. He should go look at houses in Miami, rent a condo in Malibu. Unfollow the Cavs Twitter account. Follow the Knicks Instagram account. Just basically do all this shit to toy with their emotions.