Takes

Big Baller Brand shoes look like old guy catering shoes

They do look like old guy shoes. They've got that non-slip look to them like you might see in a crab restaurant. Actually, you know what? When you get a job as a caterer, they're like, everyone needs to wear shoes that look like this.

Under Armour deliberately releases bad shoe photos for the publicity

I do think that Steph Curry, there's an element where Under Armour is like, we're never going to be the cool shoes. So we'll release some bad pictures again. Let everyone roast us. How are you going to get publicity for Steph Curry's shoes other than letting the internet roast you?

Brands always fail when they try to be funny on April Fool's Day.

I love April Fool's because brands think that this is a good chance for them to be funny and they always fail.

Large companies use 'company policy' as a way to project fake government-level authority and deny consumer rights.

But these big companies, they tell you, you know, I wanted to return something. And they say, you can't. And I said, who says? They said, that's our company policy. I mean, the company policy, they make it sound like the government has set this up and this is the way it's going to be forever.

Twitter intentionally releases bad updates just to generate free publicity through news articles.

The Twitter update... is awful but I think Twitter just does this once every few months so people will write articles about Twitter. That's really it. That's just kind of pokes the bee's nest... I think the long con is going to work.

Mark Cuban has become everything he used to hate

Something's been going on with [Mark] Cuban recently because he used to be woke. He was the wokest of the old owners. Now he's become everything that he used to hate. He's getting duped left and right.

Customer service lines intentionally disconnect you when transferring to customer relations

Then when you start to talk about why you're calling, you know what happens? They'll say, oh, we're in the sales department. We're going to transfer you over to Customer relations, and then what do you think happens? You get disconnected. I've lived through this.

The only way to make money gambling is to bet one game a week and load up

You bet one game a week. Load up. That's the only way to make money gambling. You cannot make money gambling betting every single day. None, never, has never happened.

Houseboats are the safest long-term investment due to rising sea levels

Polar ice caps. The whole world's going to be the ocean eventually. I'd say houseboats actually are probably the safest investment out there. ... I'm talking like three, 400 years here. You might want to be the guy with the houseboat.

When a company is sold to a large investment group, the quality of the product always goes down

Just a word of warning, like any time that you're employed by a company that gets sold, like if you're a company that's made its name for itself and then it gets sold to like a big time investment group, the quality of the product is going to go way, way down.

My trial will be the trial of the decade

The trial is next year in June. It promises to be trial of the decade. I want to make it out to be this big thing. I want it to be like pay-per-view.

Under Armour is the Buffalo Bills of shoes and cannot win the big one

Under Armour can't win the big one. They can't. They're the Buffalo Bills of Shoes. You know what I'd like to see more of on Twitter? I'd like to see more people tweeting the dumpster fire image at, like, live look at Under Armour right now. It's a dumpster fire.

There is a million-dollar business opportunity in a 'Special Last Day' service where humans are pampered and groomed right before they die

so basically you're saying when your dog passes away and you give it a steak and have one last day, you're basically saying do that for humans... I think that we just created a million-dollar business idea... Your special last day. No one likes to deal with dead bodies... it saves a lot of time for the mortician later.

Once you reach a certain level of wealth, you can ignore the world and its pressure

I don't like Dan Snyder, but I respect that once you get to a certain level of wealth, you can just say fuck you to the whole world no matter what happens. The pressure of the world doesn't count. It was like Jerry Jones who basically said Greg Hardy should run for president... Once you get to a certain level, it just doesn't matter.