PMT DB
PMT DB
Randy Moss & Mike Portnoy on Belmont Picks and Internet Law
We had a bit of a "Choose Your Own Adventure" situation to start the show because Big Cat and Hank were busy with a live show during Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Regardless of the actual outcome, PFT was ready with a scorched-earth policy for the city of Pittsburgh.
PFT CommenterThe 2016 Pittsburgh Penguins are the softest and worst team to ever win a Stanley Cup
Congrats to Pittsburgh, right? They are probably the softest team to ever win a Stanley Cup... I think that this Pittsburgh Penguin team is probably the worst team to ever win a Stanley Cup. And we don't even know if they won it. That's how bad they are, that we have no confidence that they're going to win.
Despite the potential for the Penguins to be "soft," Big Cat remains steadfast in his belief that the NHL has figured out the trophy game better than any other league. There is just something about a trophy you can actually use as a vessel for liquid.
Big CatThe Stanley Cup is the greatest trophy in sports and every trophy should be drinkable
Every time the Stanley Cup champion is crowned, it reminds me that it is the greatest trophy in all of sports, and it's not even close. Every single trophy you should be able to drink out of.
The conversation naturally turned to Phil Kessel, a man who has become a beacon of hope for every guy who enjoys a mid-afternoon snack. If the Penguins actually pulled it off, the summer of Kessel promised to be legendary.
Big CatPhil Kessel will celebrate a Stanley Cup win by eating whatever he wants all summer, possibly filling the Cup with queso or hot dog water
Phil Kessel, though, you think he eats now. If he's a Stanley Cup champion, you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if that was a story that came out in a couple months or, like I said, just some hot dogs. Like some good old hot dog water and some boiled hot dogs.
The NBA Finals and Steph's "Injury"
Switching to the hardwood, the guys tried to make sense of why the MVP looks human. While the media is obsessed with whether Steph Curry is technically "injured," PFT has a much darker theory involving the medicine cabinet.
PFT CommenterSteph Curry is playing poorly because he is addicted to opioids
I think that Steph Curry, he got hurt and he got put on some pain medicine... Now he's off the pain medicine. He's off the Vicodin and he's addicted to opioids now. And so like he can't – He's got like a vicious hangover. He can't find a stroke because his arms are shaking.
Big Cat isn't buying the comeback narrative for Cleveland just yet. He’s convinced the league might have a thumb on the scale to keep the TV ratings alive for at least one more game.
PFT CommenterThe Cavaliers will lose the 2016 NBA Finals in six games
The series hasn't started yet... real talk... they're going to lose in six.
Big CatThe NBA will give the Cavs the 'David Stern treatment' with favorable officiating in Game 4
I think they're going to win game four. And I think we're going to get another David Stern treatment where they'll get some calls. And game five and six, the Warriors will punish them.
America's Lawyer Mike Portnoy
We brought on Mike Portnoy, Esquire, to help us navigate the murky waters of intellectual property. Rich Eisen and ESPN have been getting a little too comfortable lifting segments from the show, and we needed to know if we could start handing out subpoenas like candy. Mike walked us through the finer points of "hat tipping" and why some bits belong to the people who make them pop.
PFT CommenterIf you do a bit better than the person who invented it, it becomes yours legally
I feel like if you do something a lot better than somebody else, then it becomes yours... On the internet, we call that a hat tip. So as long as you give somebody a hat tip, then you can steal all their shit and it's totally above board.
White Randy Moss Previews the Belmont
The original Randy Moss joined the program to talk horses, specifically the upcoming Belmont Stakes. After nailing the Exaggerator pick in the Preakness, he broke down why the mile-and-a-half distance in New York turns the race into a complete mess for modern trainers.
Randy MossThe 1.5-mile distance makes the Belmont Stakes an unpredictable crapshoot because American horses aren't bred for it anymore
the Belmont is also much more unpredictable than the Derby or the Preakness... horses in America are no longer bred to excel at a mile and a half... performers in the Belmont over the last maybe 10, 12 years have just fallen off the cliff. It really becomes almost a crapshoot.
While the public might be heavy on the favorites, Randy is looking at the fresh legs coming off a layoff. He’s leaning toward a specific Todd Pletcher horse to spoil the party.
Randy MossDestin is a better play to win the Belmont Stakes than Exaggerator
Destin, who ran in the Kentucky Derby, didn't have the best of trips... Todd Pletcher trains him. Now he gives him five weeks off, and he brings him back to the Belmont fresh. And I think that makes a horse like Destin a much better play than a horse like Exaggerator.
PR 101 and the Olympic Sperm Bank
Cam Newton announced he is retiring the dab, which means he needs a new way to stay in the headlines and keep the letter-writers in Charlotte angry. Big Cat has a full rebrand ready to go that involves a name change and a new pre-game ritual.
Big CatCam Newton's next celebration should involve converting to Islam and refusing to stand for the anthem
Cam X, Cameron X, converted to Islam, doesn't stand for the national anthem. His touchdown dances to pray, and then he hands the ball to a black kid. I mean, there we go.
Meanwhile, in Olympic news, an athlete decided to freeze his sperm before heading to Rio to avoid Zika complications. PFT thinks this is a major lapse in discipline and a slight to the American flag.
PFT CommenterOlympians should be banned from masturbating for months before the games to store up testosterone for their country
if I was his coach, I would consider cutting him because... right now, if you're an Olympian, you should not be masturbating. Now is the time where you need to be storing up these reserves of testosterone for the next like five months. You're competing for your country here, OK? The American flag is not a jizz rag.
We wrapped things up with a somber look at Tommy Lasorda, who was spotted getting the full pit-crew treatment at a spa. It sparked a business idea for a "Special Last Day" service that would make life much easier for morticians and much better for the elderly.
Big CatThere is a million-dollar business opportunity in a 'Special Last Day' service where humans are pampered and groomed right before they die
so basically you're saying when your dog passes away and you give it a steak and have one last day, you're basically saying do that for humans... I think that we just created a million-dollar business idea... Your special last day. No one likes to deal with dead bodies... it saves a lot of time for the mortician later.
Don't forget to check your Venmo descriptions, or you might end up on a government watchlist just like one of our listeners this week.
