Takes

Visiting prostitutes should be an accepted and understood part of being a head coach in Mississippi

I'm of the mindset that if you're in Mississippi and you're a head coach, it should be understood that you will visit prostitutes. That should not be a fireable offense.

As President, I would start a MAC spring football season on the Monday after the first round of March Madness

If I ever become president, the Monday after the first round of the tournament, we start the MAC spring football season. It's a three-day season. I don't care. Just give me something. You can't give us nonstop betting action for four days straight and then just snatch it from our little hands.

Nick Saban probably hasn't been to a dentist in 30 years and just deals with the pain

Nick Saban, he hasn't been to a dentist in 30 years. And he's had cavity pain for all 30 years. ...He just deals with it. He's like, my mouth hurts. ...Day in, day out. That's just what happens.

Chip Kelly will leave the San Francisco 49ers for the Oregon head coaching job.

So Chip Kelly rumors are back, and I think he's going to go to Oregon. Then again, he did say he's not interested in it, and as we know, as Nick Saban proved to us... if a coach in the NFL says they're not going to college, that means they're not going to college.

Oregon is back to sucking like they did before they were good

The University of Oregon is back to sucking like they did before they got good.

Oregon will be back on top of college football in four years when Chip Kelly returns

I'm going to call my shot. I'm going to say Oregon's going to win. If we can do like four years to call who's back, in four years Oregon's going to be back to being back. ... When they get Chip Kelly back, right?

The Miami Hurricanes are officially 'back'

The U is back. Of Miami. Okay. The U is back. They have three huge wins against Florida A&M, Florida Atlantic, and Appalachian State. So 3-0 to start the season. I think they're definitely back.

The Texas Longhorns are no longer 'back'

Texas no longer back. Because they were back because they beat Notre Dame, who is not back. Now Texas is back into the not back category.

Nebraska football is officially back

Nebraska football. Huge week three win against 22nd ranked Oregon. The program's back.

Texas is back

I'm going to ask the question right now. Is Texas back? Texas is back. I think Texas is back. I mean, it was a statement win. Charlie Strong, he needed a statement win, right? Now he's back.

Wisconsin is the mediocre pushover neighbor of college football

Wisconsin's never back. They're never gone. They're just there. We literally are just like the neighbor who you can be like, hey, can I borrow your lawnmower and just not give it back for three months? And you know he's never going to come ask. It's a total pushover.

Notre Dame is heading in the wrong direction

If you had to describe Notre Dame for the last seven years, it's perfectly this. Are they back? Question mark. They've been almost back, sort of back, never fully back. But I think now they're going the wrong direction. Now they're set back.