Takes

I'm betting on Lamar Jackson because he plays better with diarrhea

Another important thing to note is that Lamar Jackson has been out two days this week with diarrhea. Again, he's the most diarrhea quarterback in the NFL and he always plays great. He plays lighter when he's at diarrhea. So this is a big time intestinal bug issue for the Ravens and for Lamar Jackson. So I'm going to bet on Lamar Jackson.

If the Chiefs lose this weekend, they are done as contenders

I think if the Chiefs lose, I'm taking the 'Dunn' chain out. I'm thinking about throwing it on the Chiefs... I'm done thinking the Chiefs are just going to flip the switch and become the Chiefs of two years ago.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl if they beat the Browns convincingly

As I've said the whole season, last week was going to decide how I feel about the rest of the season. They won. I'm now in 'soupy' mode. So if they're going to go to the 'soupy', they've got to win this game [against the Browns] convincingly.

The NFL covered up Aaron Rodgers ignoring COVID protocols for ratings

I'm pretty sure that the NFL, according to their own rules, should have suspended Aaron Rodgers. Should have fined him. And they're covering up the fact that he just ignored all the protocols because he's Aaron Rodgers and the rules don't apply to him. And they're like, 'You know what? We could have Aaron Rodgers sit out for multiple weeks, but I really like ratings.'

Tom Brady killed the Chiefs dynasty before it even started

The Chiefs are so bad... Tom Brady killed the Chiefs. I think not enough people are talking about it. He ended their dynasty. It wasn't really a dynasty, though... He snuffed out, he traveled back in time, baby Hitler'd the Chiefs dynasty.

The Detroit Lions will beat the Philadelphia Eagles outright

I agree with you, Hank. I think the lions are going to win outright... I'm strictly viewing this game as a matchup between Dan Campbell and Nick Sirianni. And I feel like, I feel like Dan Campbell just takes a shit all over Nick Sirianni's brain.

The Cincinnati Bengals will be officially elevated to a good playoff team if they keep it close or beat the Baltimore Ravens

If the Bengals can keep this close or possibly win this game, they are officially elevated to a good team playoff team. Like, and I think they're right there. I think their defensive played very well.

I am officially on my 'last straw' with the Washington Football Team's organization

My announcement is I am officially on my last straw. Washington football team last straw. In fact, I went out, I bought a straw... If it gets anything bad, happens to the point where I, I lose faith in this organization again. Well, what, what Hank you, what else could they do that during my soul to you? They're only good players dead. And they fucked up his retirement ceremony.

The Bills are the #1 team in the league right now

My current BCS rankings have the Cardinals and the Bills, one and two. [But] the fun fact about the Bills, they have double the point differential than the second team not named the Cardinals... The Bills are plus 108. They are fucking killing people. We can agree. Bills should be at the top.

The Cowboys -3.5 at the Patriots is my favorite bet of the week

My favorite favorite is Cowboys, minus three and a half at the Patriots... I like the Cowboys in this one. Patriots are going to have a long Sunday. I've been looking at the rat lines for the last few weeks and just betting the square side of the rat lines. And it's been a pretty successful strategy for me so far.

The Browns will beat the Cardinals and hand them their first loss

My favorite favorite is the Browns, minus three... I also just think the Cardinals are due for – they've been flirting with it. They're due for a loss, and they're due for the Browns to run the ball down their throat. I do think the Browns are going to beat them. I think the Browns are going to man up on them.

The Bears will cover +4.5 against the Packers

I actually think the Bears might win, but Bears plus 4.5... I have a feeling their defense is playing well... By the end of the week, I'm like, we're going to fucking win this game. Jalen Johnson's going to lock down Davante Adams. If the Bears win this game, they are now officially a borderline playoff team.

The Raiders will bounce back with interim coach Rich Bisaccia

I am all in on this Rich Bisaccia guy... Crying about your men and your opportunities, that's football guy stuff. I think they're gonna bounce back here for a couple weeks and it's gonna be a few weeks before they fall back to earth but I think they're gonna get something out of this guy... the Raiders and interim Rich and I'm in. I'm all in.

The Packers will dominate the Bengals by 10 points

My favorite's going to be the Packers. Minus three against the Bengals. I see this being a 10-point, never in doubt, Aaron Rodgers kind of dominates game.

I am officially 'standing my ground' on the Steelers against the Broncos

My personal stand my ground game where if the Steelers don't win this game, I am done not only with the Steelers this season, but done betting on them, just pretending they don't exist. This is the game that if they have any pulse left, it's a pulse check. If they have any pulse left, they will win this game.

The Dolphins might beat the Buccaneers outright

I'm going with Buccaneers versus Dolphins. They're minus 10. I think they're going to cover. I think the Dolphins might win outright. Seriously.

The Bills will beat the Chiefs in their Sunday night revenge game

I do think the Bills are going to win this game because I think the revenge factor and also this is one of those games where it's like, which team do you trust more to get a stop? And I would put that on the Bills.

The Browns vs. Chargers game will be a high-scoring over

My over is going to be Browns at Chargers, 47. I like a lot of points in this game.

The Browns and Chargers will stay under the total (The 'Lunder')

I'm with Hank and Liam. I am calling this a Lunder. Lunder 45. Lunder, yes.

The Cowboys are currently #2 in the NFL if we used BCS rankings

If we did BCS rankings for the teams right now, I think the Super Bowl would maybe be the Cardinals versus the Cowboys because the Cowboys have the best loss. I think the Cowboys might be number two in the BCS.

Mac Jones might be overwhelmed by the moment of Tom Brady's return to Foxborough

The moment might actually be too big for Mac Jones because he's obviously a rookie quarterback and he feels like he's got a lot of responsibility... just knowing that he's been entrusted to try to take over that legacy from Tom Brady, but then getting to see it up close and personal.

Mike Tomlin is a lock to cover or win as a 6+ point underdog

I'm taking the Steelers plus seven. I realized Mike Tomlin as an underdog... Mike Tomlin is a six plus point underdog is nine, three, and one against the spread. I think they win this game outright.

Kirk Cousins will turn back into a 'pumpkin' on Halloween against the Cowboys

I've actually identified exactly when [Kirk Cousins] is going to turn back into old Kirk Cousins... Halloween. I think he's going to have the entire month of October this year, and then on Halloween he's playing in against the Cowboys and he's got some tougher defenses that he's going to be going up against.

Dak Prescott is a great value bet at 13-1 to win the MVP

Dak Prescott, 13 to one to win the MVP because you got to look at the narrative comeback. Everyone wants, you know, America, especially the, the writers want the Cowboys to be good so they can talk about it.

The Washington Football Team's season is over if they lose to the Falcons

If the football team loses [to the Falcons], season done. Done. Because they have the hardest scheduling. And we just have, we have to get to December within like four games of 500.

Panthers vs Cowboys Under 51.5 is my lock of the year

My under, this is almost a lock for me actually. In my Billy metrics. This is my first, my lock of the year so far. Panthers Cowboys under 51 and a half... every single game that the Panthers have played in this year, the total has been exactly 33.

The Chiefs will 'clown' the Eagles and make them look like a clown show

My favorite is the Chiefs minus seven against the Eagles. They're going to absolutely clown [them]. No, literally they're going to make the Eagles look like clowns. Mahomes is going to run around like throw some fucking deep bomb.

The Las Vegas Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team in the NFL.

The Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team... I don't know if they're that good. I think they're okay. They're not that good.

Jalen Ramsey is the only cornerback who can physically cover Rob Gronkowski.

Jalen Ramsey is really the only person who fits Jalen Ramsey's description of a quarterback that can cover Gronk. Cause Jalen is a big dude. He's strong, he's got coverage skills and he can tackle.

NFL teams should sit their starting quarterback when playing against Aaron Donald to avoid injury.

Anytime a team plays Aaron Donald, they should sit their starting quarterback.

Zach Wilson's interceptions were caused by a groin injury.

The groin really impacts your ability to drive your hips into throws. Those last two interceptions were both just short arms, short throws that got picked off.

The Chicago Bears defense will successfully slow down the Browns' running game.

The one thing that I'm at least a little confident about is that the bears do, they will be able to like slow down the run game.

The Texans +12.5 is way too many points in an NFL game

The Texans... Plus 12 and a half. That's a lot of points in the NFL, especially in week two, especially coming off a win.

The Jets will upset the Patriots in Week 2

Jets are going to win. It's going to be upset. [Zach Wilson] is a guy who can beat the Patriots.

I will bet heavy on the Chargers this year to hedge against my own Washington expectations

I'm going to bet heavy on the Chargers. ... Because I regrettably have expectations for the Washington football team. But I'm going to bet against them because I've made the decision in my brain of how many dollars I'm willing to pay for a win.

The Eagles will be in contention for the NFC East in mid-November

I feel like that's where they're going to be, I don't know, somewhere in that 7-10. 7-9-1 area where there will be a moment where they're competing for the NFC East sometime in mid-November.

Jameis Winston and Taysom Hill are on the same level and Sean Payton will tank

Whatever's happening at the Saints organization. I put Jameis and Taysom on the same level. I think Sean Payton is going to tank for a high draft pick.

I'm betting the over on a half-interception for Tom Brady in the Super Bowl

Tom Brady over a half of an interception. So he's got to throw one. I think he's going to throw – I think Tom Brady's going to play well, but I also think he's going to take his shots.

Tails never fails on the Super Bowl coin toss

I usually go with tails never fails. ... It's tails. I'm betting tails. There you go. Tails never fails.

I am betting the biggest bet of my life on the Buccaneers to win the Super Bowl

You're going biggest bet of your life on the Bucs responsibly? Yep. I packed the vest. That's all you need to know. ... The man of vests is in the building.

The Packers will easily beat the Buccaneers because of the cold weather at Lambeau

I think Green Bay is going to be able to handle it pretty easily. The weather right now, it's scheduled to be 29 degrees and snowy in Lambeau Field. That, to me, that's a Packers win. God is on their side this week.

The Bills will win the AFC Championship, possibly convincingly

I said it on Monday, and I'm sticking with it. I think the Bills are going to win, and I wouldn't be surprised if they win convincingly.

The NFL will let Patrick Mahomes play in the AFC Championship regardless of his concussion status

I forgot that Roger Goodell was in charge of the NFL. Yeah. You thought for a second that we actually cared about player safety. Roger Goodell probably would delay the game by week... just to make Patrick Mahomes play... their star player is going to play and they'll find any way to spin it that it wasn't a concussion.

The Dolphins are not for real

Are the Dolphins for real? No. No, they're not.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL

I'm going to go to my deathbed saying this. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL.

The Bills are going to crush the Steelers

I think the Bills are going to crush them, actually.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

Michael Thomas is a terrible fit for Jameis Winston's deep-passing skill set

I can't think of a wide receiver that fits Jameis Winston's skill set less than Michael Thomas. Just running slants, just going as close to linebackers as possible. Bad, bad. Yeah, just tell him, I know that your captain slant runs straight downfield. Go deep, go deep.

Matt Patricia is the 'dumbest rocket scientist' in the world

I think that Matt Patricia is, without a doubt, the dumbest rocket science on the face of the earth right now.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.