Takes

The Raiders are officially back.

The Raiders. The Raiders are officially back. And it's fun. The Raiders are like Notre Dame or maybe even the Yankees where everything's more fun when they're back.

The Dolphins offensive line is fixed and the Jets are bad

I'm going to go with the Dolphins. I think their offensive line is fixed and going to play well, and I think the Jets are frauds. Not even frauds. They're just bad.

The Titans will lose to the Chargers because they spent too much emotion on their Color Rush game

I don't like the Titans. They're coming off an emotional color rush game against the Jaguars, a rivalry match, so I think that there was a lot of emotion spent in that game that they're not going to be able to pull out.

Invented 'Baldinger's cat' — a quarterback is both elite and not elite at the same time, with Joe Flacco as the perfect example

I came up with a theory. It's known as Baldinger's cat. It's not Schrodinger, it's Baldinger's cat. It's when a quarterback is both elite and not elite at the same time. Joe Flacco — perfect example. Baldinger's cat.

The Patriots and Seahawks will meet in a Super Bowl LI rematch

I think you're right about the Patriots. Who are they going to lose to? I'm taking Seattle. rematched of the game two years ago. I think their offensive line eventually gets straightened out.

Pete Carroll still believes he made the right decision passing the ball in Super Bowl XLIX

He still thinks he made the right decision. His argument is they did the same thing earlier in the season that nobody remembers, but it worked out... [he said] sometimes you make the right decision, and it doesn't work out your way.

Jeff Fisher will start Jared Goff in the next three to four weeks to avoid being fired

I'm going to call my shot. Within, I'm going to say, three or four weeks, depending on the record, I think Jeff Fisher is going to make the call. He's going to move Jared Goff up. And at that point, you can't fire a coach when he's developing a quarterback. So that's going to buy him two more years.

Jay Cutler is on the Cool Throne for the foreseeable future in Chicago

Well, considering the fact that Brian Hoyer is out for the year, Connor Shaw is out for the year, Matt Barkley, who knew that he was in the NFL until he came in for a couple plays, I think Jay Cutler is cool throne for a while here. Finally, some continuity at quarterback for Chicago.

The Bears will lose to the Vikings on Monday Night Football

No, the Bears are going to lose to the Vikings. Actually, I'm 100% confident in that.

The Raiders are officially back as the 'Bad Boy' team of the NFL

I have the Bad Boy Raiders are back. The team of the 70s. Silver and black... They set a record for most penalties in a game... Al Davis bad boys are in town.

The NFL should adopt the college football overtime system to eliminate ties

I wouldn't have a problem with them ripping up the current overtime system and just going with the college approach. That works. The games are exciting. And I don't think anyone's ever complained that the college system is not a good system.

The Cowboys will stick with Dak Prescott as long as he continues to win games

If Dak Prescott continues to win games, then the decision is you roll with the hot hand... I think they are going to stick with Prescott as long as he keeps doing well.

Stephen Jones and Jason Garrett make the big decisions in Dallas while letting Jerry Jones be the face of the franchise

When it's time to make big decisions, it's Stephen Jones and Jason Garrett that make the decisions and they otherwise let Jerry think he's running the show.

The Vikings will eventually find a spectacular way to blow their season

I know what's going to happen. They're going to find a way to blow it, and maybe in a spectacular fashion... Either way, they're going to find a way to blow it. It's either going to be the offensive line that crumbles... or it's going to be Blair Walsh missing another field goal.

The NFL will move to an 18-game regular season within the next five years

There's a chance it will if the NFL makes enough concessions to the union... if there's a way that they can address that issue [player health]... it's going to happen.

Roger Goodell is orchestrating NFL ties by having kickers miss short field goals on purpose

These teams are tying on purpose. Roger Goodell has the kickers in his back pocket... There's been five missed field goals in the entire season, 30 yards or less, and two of them happened in the same game [Seahawks-Cardinals]? ... He's going to fix the ties. We're going to get another tie. I'm telling you.

The Jaguars vs Titans Color Rush game is my favorite game of the year

Titans versus Jaguars. It is my favorite game of the year, and it did not disappoint in terms of the suck that we are accustomed to.

Gus Bradley will be fired by the time this podcast airs

I want to quickly talk about Gus Bradley. Because by the time this podcast airs, I'm guessing he's going to be fired. This is a situation where they might not let him back on the plane.

The Jaguars Color Rush uniforms are ugly as hell

This is what Blake [Bortles] said about his color rush... 'I think they're ugly as hell.'... Just because you're wearing boiled piss colored jerseys doesn't mean that you need to say it out in public.

Arian Foster retired because he is an atheist and quit football on a Monday

My hot seat is atheism... Arian Foster quit last night. He's an atheist. Straight up quit. People don't talk about him being an atheist, but he quit football. Nice of an atheist to give up on a Monday instead of giving up on Sundays for the change.

Brock Osweiler should donate $25,000 to charity for every interception he throws

My other piece of advice would be... He's got a lot of money. Start a charity where every time he throws an interception, he donates like $25,000 to a charity. And then people can't get mad at him for interceptions. Or else you're basically killing children.

NFL coaches only work out to prevent stress-induced heart attacks, not to get in shape

A very football guy move, they're not working out to get in shape. They're just working out so they don't have a heart attack. It's purely to stop the heart attack. Get through the day. Yes. Stress heart attack. Everyone knows you cure a stress heart attack by going on the elliptical for 45 minutes.

Russell Wilson becoming a father will ruin the Seahawks' season

I feel like the pressure of becoming a new father might turn the Seahawks season around for the worse. [Russell Wilson] was firing off... firing on all cylinders.

Matt Barkley only has an NFL job because he is 6'3" and looks good in shorts

Matt Barkley is still in the nfl proving my theory that if you're like six three played at a big time college and look good in shorts someone will give you a job

NFL Week 7 of 2016 is an 'Apple Picking Weekend' for fans with significant others

The slate, by the way, is so bad... This is an apple-picking weekend. If you have a significant other, if you have a girlfriend, if you have a boyfriend, it's 2016, if you have a wife, whatever you got... This is when you say, 'hey honey, I was thinking maybe we could go to the farm and get some cider donuts and do some apple picking.' Boom. You missed the worst slate. That's apple picking.

Dez Bryant did not actually cut his finger making soup

I have a feeling he wasn't making soup. I have a feeling he cut his finger doing something else. Are we staying woke on this one? This seems a little sus, as Hank would say.

The sun is on the Hot Seat because its glare could cause the Bills to lose

Miami Dolphins to beat the Bills this weekend because she [USA Today podcast host's mom] doesn't think that the Bills are going to be able to handle the glare of the Miami sun. It's a fair point. Developing situation. Let's keep an eye on it... The sun is on the hot seat right now, so this could really be it.

It is hard to bench a backup quarterback like Brian Hoyer if he is playing well

It would be very hard for me to make a switch. I would go anywhere. Not only me. Now, I know people are going to criticize that. I'm not against Jay [Cutler]. I'm saying when you've got a guy playing his... If he wasn't playing well, I'd say, okay. People say, well, he's just a journeyman. Well, maybe he found... Maybe this is the end of the journey. Maybe he found home.

Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in football along with Tom Brady

What about Aaron Rodgers? No, he's the best. Nothing wrong with him? No, he's the best. He doesn't have the weapons, guys. Come on, he does not have the weapons around him... if you're asking me if there's one quarterback in the league, I think he's the best quarterback in football right now. Him and Brady.

Aaron Rodgers is currently playing the worst football of his career

He's playing so poorly right now. Packer fans definitely don't want to hear it, but he is playing the worst ball he's played in his career, and it's pretty much everything that's failing him. Everything. His footwork, his mechanics, his ability to not look at the rush, pre-reads, post-reads, everything.

Aaron Rodgers is a nerd

Well, we know he's a nerd. Princess Bride is his favorite movie. Name me a nerd that won the Super Bowl.

The shelf life for an NFL coach in one spot is about ten years

Mike McCarthy in general, hey, man, he's been here 10 years. And Bill Walsh always said, you know, you're in the same place for 10 years. That's kind of your shelf life as an NFL coach. So, I don't know. Maybe his message is getting stale.

Bill Belichick will be fined or suspended for bashing the NFL's Microsoft Surface tablets

So could this be like another tablet? Could this be hashtag tablet gate to could Roger Goodell suspend Bill Belichick? I'm calling it right now. Belichick will be fined, possibly suspended.

Dak Prescott has to stay as the starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys

Dak Prescott has to stay as the starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Tony Romo waits in the wings, but is reminded yet again that Dak lives matter in the Big D.

The Carolina Panthers' season is over

The Carolina Panthers season is over. They make a batch of bathtub Ted Ginn Jr. and the Panthers season continues to tank array.

The Falcons will finish the season with a record no better than 9-7

Matt Ryan, I think he's okay. I think he's a career okay guy. I think that he's going to find his level soon. Falcons are going to go no better than 9-7.

The Jaguars-Bears game was legitimately one of the worst NFL games ever played

Legitimately one of the worst games I've ever seen. No, it really did [take the fun out of football]. Watching it, I was like, I don't even know why I like this sport.

When Ben Roethlisberger tries to play through injury, he actually ends up hurting the Steelers

Ben's a tough motherfucker. But at the end of the day, he always hurts his team. He was awful today. He threw two interceptions. He was 19 for 34, and they lost to the Dolphins.

Odell Beckham Jr. has officially matured because he proposed to a kicking net

Thoughts and prayers to Odell Beckham's immaturity because he's clearly grown up now. He's just a tremendous young man... because he learned his lesson. The lesson was stop making it about you and having all these antics. And so he did that by proposing to the net.

Mike McCoy is the most generic-looking white dude who probably goes to Jimmy Buffett concerts

Mike McCoy is the most generic-ass looking white dude. He's a guy that your dad plays golf with... McCoy just looks like a guy that spends too much time in the sun and has eight Salt Life shirts and goes to a Jimmy Buffett concert every fall, and that's his one vacation for the kids.

The Patriots will kill the Bengals in Week 6

I have the Patriots. Larry didn't pick that, but I think they're going to kill the Bengals.

Dak Prescott might have won the Cowboys' starting job for good

Dak Prescott might have won that job. And if Tony Romo doesn't play, he doesn't get injured.

Philip Rivers is one of the most underrated players in the NFL

Philip Rivers is, I would say, one of the... I think he's one of the more underrated players with what he can do. He's a pretty amazing quarterback.

Sam Bradford will eventually suck and prove me right for criticizing the trade

I'll be right in the long term on that one. Okay. How about that? ... But what I will say is that one day Sam Bradford's going to suck, and then I will be sure to let you know about it then.

Tony Romo will break his back again within two weeks of returning

Tony Romo comes back. It's his job. He's going to break his back within a week or two again. Back Prescott. Yeah. That's what I call him. And then back to Dak. Back to Dak.

This is finally the breakout year for Reggie Bush

I think this is the year for Reggie Bush. ... So on the year, his year average is negative four. So today he had three, so I think that was the rush he needed.

Real life in the NFL is way more wild than the show 'Ballers'

Oh, no. Are you kidding me? Real life is way worse than that. In fact, half the stuff you know went down in the NFL. If I went to the producers of Ballers and said, hey, man, I got a great storyline for you. If this actually happened, they'd say, Glaze, are you out of your damn mind? Nobody would ever believe that.

Kyle Long is the strongest and most violent athlete I have ever trained

That is the strongest, most violent individual who's ever put his hands on me in my entire life. And that includes the Chuck Liddells and the Dan Andersons and the Randy Coutures. I mean, it's not even close, dude.

The Spygate tape contains footage of the cameraman creeping on cheerleaders

The starter tape is great because the guy is focusing in on women in the stands. ... Total creeper. He's focusing on, like, women in the stands, and he's focusing it on the Jet cheerleaders. And he's a totally creeper. And then all of a sudden, boom, goes to Jets coaches.

The NFL will finally cure breast cancer this year

I think this is the year that the NFL finally cures it [breast cancer]. ... Stay woke on breast cancer.