Takes

Jayden Daniels is the worst quarterback from the 2024 draft class

My preemptive take of the year was right. Commanders would miss a playoffs and Jayden Daniels be the worst out of all the quarterbacks in 2024. [Big Cat: 'Michael Penix?'] He looked pretty good before the injury.

The Commanders' Super Bowl window is officially open right now

I don't think it's delusional to say that I am, I'm existing inside of a Super Bowl window right now. ... The window's cracked right now and I'm, I'm thinking about opening it up. There's a nice draft that's coming through.

Brandon Staley was supposed to turn the Chargers into a championship team

I thought Brandon Staley was gonna turn this whole Chargers thing around. I was like, this guy knows Ball. This guy has, it's a new C word team. Forget your father's Chargers.

I will become a Colts fan in the AFC if Jim Irsay forces Dan Snyder to sell

I will become a Colts fan in the AFC if Jim Irsay does this [gets Dan Snyder out]. And I think he's going to, because you've never heard an owner say anything like this before.

I will cut my hair if Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game for Washington

When Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair. For the football team. I'll say it with my chest: when Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair.

Philip Rivers will play in 2020 because he needs a break from his nine children

Phil is addicted to blood... he is going to be faced with a choice of staying at home with nine kids... or going to work and getting a break from those nine kids. I think he's going to go to work.

I can definitely hit a 35-yard field goal right now

I'd say when [the tryout] went good, not great. ... Mr. 35 Yards. ... I didn't do as bad as I was fearing that I was going to do. ... [Big Cat and Hank] would both make them on your first time [but] we would suck.

I could outkick Jay Feeley if we were both forced to kick field goals while wearing suits and reporting on the sideline

Could PFT outkick Jay Feeley now if they were both wearing suits and reporting on the sideline and immediately got called in to start kicking field goals? Definitely. Jay Feeley's a fucking loser. He needs his two little weird gloves to be able to kick. I don't need that shit.

There is a 50% chance I get signed to an XFL contract

Let me say, I think that there is actually like a 50% chance that I do get an XFL contract, that I am signed to the XFL. I'm going to find out on Wednesday night and be able to report on Thursday morning what happened.

Jameis Winston's stats are only better than Peyton Manning's because of the era

This is how the new-age NFL [is]. This is why the Jameis Winston/Peyton Manning stats are ridiculous when you actually adjust them for era. It's like, yeah, of course Jameis Winston has these numbers that are better than Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning still played partially in the old NFL.

Dan Snyder will outlive me as the owner of the Redskins

Dan Snyder... is going to outlive me. I've accepted it. He's either made a deal with the devil or he's got like a blood-sucking operation where he gets rejuvenated with the blood of 13-year-olds every two weeks.

The Jaguars will go from worst to first in the AFC South.

Jaguars. That division is like Andrew Luck's gone. I don't know what the Titans offense is going to be. ... I think it's got to be the Jaguars.

Joe Flacco is a downgrade at quarterback from Trevor Siemian for the Broncos.

The Broncos ... they got Joe Flacco. That's a downgrade from Trevor Siemian.

Zeke Elliott should sit out the entire 2019 season to maintain his leverage

If I'm Zeke, I'm sitting out the whole season. I got more power to Zeke on this one. Zeke, don't play this year at all.

Aaron Rodgers is a try-hard loser for his Canada Boys outfit

Three years after that joke was funny, and probably like 10 years after that joke was funny, Aaron Rodgers hopped on. Classic. Way to go, dude. You fucking try-hard loser.

I will make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday as President

I'm opening my candidacy for president... Day after the Super Bowl, national holiday. Done.