Takes

Zach Wilson would be a better quarterback if he played slightly buzzed

I actually think Zach Wilson would be a little more relaxed if he played buzzed. Less 'Doy' plays. He hasn't had any 'Doy' plays the past two weeks, but in the beginning he definitely had some nerves.

Driving a car in full pads is a total football guy move

You're in full pads driving a car. Full pads driving a car. Wearing your helmet while driving your truck. Total football move.

Matthew Stafford belongs in the Hall of Fame for his stats and his reputation as the toughest guy in the NFL.

This is why Matthew Stafford should be in the Hall of Fame. His resume is not going to be based on playoff wins, cause he has none. It's going to be based on stats, overall touchdowns and being top five in passing all the time, and being super tough. He's the toughest person to ever exist in the NFC North.

The NFL will play its 2020 season, but college football is in a very precarious situation

College football is in more of a precarious situation to actually go off on time. If I had to bet right now, I actually don't know... I still think NFL is going to happen. I don't know if college football is going to happen.

You are statistically less likely to get a concussion without a helmet because you protect your head more

I think you're actually statistically less likely to get a concussion when you're not wearing a helmet. [PFT]: Agree, because you protect your head more. That's a basic fact of human reaction to things.

Mike Gundy and Kliff Kingsbury are too pretty to be 'football guys'

Mike Gundy's in really good shape. I don't like that... The mullet has gone to his head... Kliff Kingsbury's another one like that... where he looks too nice. You can't look that nice and that pretty and be a football guy. You're a fake-ass football guy.

Kyle Shanahan is the most likely coach to be the first one ejected under new NFL rules

I think a sneaky one is Kyle Shanahan because, one, he's a dick. Number two, he's got that entitlement thing, or at least the refs will think he's got that entitlement thing. So if he says one thing that crosses the line, they'll be like, I'm going to teach you a lesson.

John Madden is actually dead and the NFL uses fake quotes for PR

The theory of this show is that John Madden has been dead for years and that the NFL just uses fake John Madden quotes for PR. Anytime you want to get real football fans behind you, just tell them that John Madden says it's like this.

The Falcons technically won the Super Bowl according to Bill Belichick's math

[Belichick's] exact quote was really at halftime the game is two thirds over because the fourth quarter is just situational football. So spin zone, the Falcons technically won the Super Bowl.

Eli Manning definitely committed fraud with the game-worn gear scandal

He did commit fraud. That's okay. What he should do is just come out and be like, hey, guys, I committed fraud. That's on me.

Jeff Fisher will become a VP of Football Operations for the Chargers

I think we called it he's going to be vice president of football operations somewhere. ... For maybe when the Chargers move. ... The Chargers fire McCoy.

Mike Zimmer definitely has his play card written on the inside of his eye patch

I thought that [Mike Zimmer] had his play card written on the inside, like crib notes on the inside of his eyepatch. That was probably a really efficient move on his part.

Ben McAdoo is an aspirational, try-hard football guy rather than a real one

I still continue to say [Ben McAdoo] is not a football guy. He's a football guy in disguise. He's trying to be. He's an aspirational football—he's a try-hard football guy. Football guys don't even know that they're trying to be football guys. He knows.

Ben McAdoo is a watered-down fraud trying too hard to sound like a real football guy

Ben McAdoo seems like he's trying real hard as a first-year head coach to be a football guy. I think he's overextending himself a little bit. He sounds like a fraud. He's like a watered-down football guy. If this was like Coughlin doing this, then I would absolutely accept this is a football guy.

Bill Belichick 100% pays attention to metrics but acts like he doesn't for his brand

He absolutely pays attention to metrics. 100% he does, but he acts like he doesn't. So he's playing a double mind game... he's like I'm going to make them think that I'm even more of a football guy than I really am when behind the scenes I've got my spreadsheets set out.

Norv Turner is a football guy for 'falling on the sword' and quitting to help his team.

Norv Turner doesn't look like a football guy for quitting, right? But... He said that he felt like he was holding the team back. So he killed himself for the betterment of the team. Fell on the sword.

NFL coaches only work out to prevent stress-induced heart attacks, not to get in shape

A very football guy move, they're not working out to get in shape. They're just working out so they don't have a heart attack. It's purely to stop the heart attack. Get through the day. Yes. Stress heart attack. Everyone knows you cure a stress heart attack by going on the elliptical for 45 minutes.