Takes

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

Every sports player should be allowed to fight one fan per year

I have the rule that they should enact in all sports. That every player gets to fight one fan once a year. Because that solves that. [Anthony Rendon] gets to fight that guy who called him a pussy, beat his ass. He called him a bitch, beat his ass. And then no one's gonna fuck with the rest of the [players] because he'll be like, wow, Anthony Rendon beat the fuck out him.

I work 70 hours a week during the fall

I would say 70 hours a week. That doesn't really count like sitting at home watching games 70 hours a week in the fall. But then it becomes a lot less... I love football, but the idea that we could come in at 7 o'clock on a Sunday and be done in two hours [is nice].

Traveling with kids is a 'trip', not a 'vacation'

It's vacation when you don't have children with you. And it's a trip when you do, because you're not, it's not a vacation when you bring your kids... Away game parenting is so much harder than a home game.

It's better to take vacations while you are young and can actually do things

As I've gotten to my age, I realized that... I'd rather take vacations while I'm youthful and can do many things. As opposed to earlier when you never took vacations. You don't want to just be an ant marching, dude. You're just a rat in a cage.

An Xbox is the best breakup gift to give during the holidays

What's the best gift to get someone that you want to break up with after the holiday season? An Xbox, I'm just going to say it. Like something that will keep them entertained. Because if you break up with him after giving him an Xbox, he's not going to be talking to you anyways. At that point it will just be obsessed with his new video game system.

Winning a foot race against your girlfriend is a lose-lose situation

I don't care how much gloating she was doing before the fact if you beat your girlfriend and a foot race, and then you're like, yes suck it bitch. I'm faster than you. That's probably going to end your relationship. So you almost have to throw it.