The Ravens are still frauds despite their win over the Browns

I've been hard on the Ravens. I still think they're frauds. But what I've always said is I want to see Lamar [Jackson] come back late. And he did that last night. Yeah. So you have to give them credit for that. You can't be a hater when that happens.

Cody Parkey will miss a big kick in a playoff game and ruin the Browns' season

Cody Parkey will fuck you in the face. If the Browns make the playoffs, there is no sure bet in the entire world, then Cody Parkey doing this to the Browns. I'm nervous about Cody Parkey. I think he's going to fuck us. Cody Parkey will miss the big kick in a playoff game for the Browns and the Browns will have no one to blame but themselves.

Losing a bet on a safety or scoregami play is a better story than a standard loss

If you had like a unit on it, it's not even that bad because that's a story that you can tell. I'd rather lose on that play and be like, 'Oh man, I can't believe I had the under in Raiders Colts.' This is a great story you can tell. I took the Browns to cover on that Monday night football game where Lamar Jackson spent half the time getting rid of the Chipotle that was in his anus.

Giannis will eventually want out of Milwaukee if they suffer more early playoff exits

If they get bounced, like for years in a row, he'll be like, yeah, I'm out. He still has an out because it's the NBA and any player can say, I want out at any time.

Outside beer season is the best beer season

Outdoor beers. It's outdoor beer season. When it's snowing outside, when it's cold, you don't have to take up space in your refrigerator, you leave the beers outside. It's God's refrigerator. You crack open a beer directly from your porch and it tastes colder than it does on the fridge. It's the best season of all.

The White Out at Penn State is the best atmosphere in sports

I still think that, and from everyone I've talked to, they said that the white out's the best atmosphere that they've ever been in. Like it's one of the things that you have to go to it, to like actually experience it. Like it looks awesome on TV, but it's like better in person.

Lamar Jackson wasn't pooping during the Browns game; he actually just had cramps

No, it wasn't [pooping]. It was, it was cramps. It wasn't pooping. I was like—his forearm was cramping and then his—the run everyone saw where it looked like a poop run to the locker room, it was like his calf or something was cramped. And so he was trying not to let it lock up on him.

You usually know within the first two possessions if a football game is going to be a blowout

Going into every game you have that hope that maybe this is going to be that lightning in a bottle game. But you usually know going into it and then you'll really know within the first two possessions how—and my laptop usually closes around the first quarter.

A period is the only acceptable punctuation for a social media blowout tweet

I've definitely noticed the Final period, period is the, the piece of punctuation you'd have to use. Like if it's a blowout, you can't do a comma. You certainly can't do a semi-colon because then that opens you up for more. Final period conveys like the right amount of sobriety and conveys, like we're not going to discuss this anymore.

An Xbox is the best breakup gift to give during the holidays

What's the best gift to get someone that you want to break up with after the holiday season? An Xbox, I'm just going to say it. Like something that will keep them entertained. Because if you break up with him after giving him an Xbox, he's not going to be talking to you anyways. At that point it will just be obsessed with his new video game system.