The Ravens are still frauds despite their win over the Browns

I've been hard on the Ravens. I still think they're frauds. But what I've always said is I want to see Lamar [Jackson] come back late. And he did that last night. Yeah. So you have to give them credit for that. You can't be a hater when that happens.

Cody Parkey will miss a big kick in a playoff game and ruin the Browns' season

Cody Parkey will fuck you in the face. If the Browns make the playoffs, there is no sure bet in the entire world, then Cody Parkey doing this to the Browns. I'm nervous about Cody Parkey. I think he's going to fuck us. Cody Parkey will miss the big kick in a playoff game for the Browns and the Browns will have no one to blame but themselves.

Losing a bet on a safety or scoregami play is a better story than a standard loss

If you had like a unit on it, it's not even that bad because that's a story that you can tell. I'd rather lose on that play and be like, 'Oh man, I can't believe I had the under in Raiders Colts.' This is a great story you can tell. I took the Browns to cover on that Monday night football game where Lamar Jackson spent half the time getting rid of the Chipotle that was in his anus.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.