Takes

T. Higgins signed a fake one-year contract that is essentially a mega-franchise tag

This is a fake contract. Well he is getting a lot of money this year over what would've been the franchise tag... essentially he got mega tagged. Yeah, he got mega tagged.

TV networks must fix scoreboard spoilers that show scores ahead of the live broadcast

I don't understand how it's still an issue... if you're watching four games at once, half the time you see the scoreboard on one game and it will be ahead of the actual game you're watching... figure it out. Don't let it spoil us.

William Chisholm is a smart business mind and will be a great owner for the Celtics

Clearly a very smart business mind. And I'm excited to, to see what he's got in store. Hopefully he likes the Celtics and isn't doing this as a business... He agrees to purchase the Celtics from the Grousbeck family for a valuation of $6.1 billion.

The Real ID requirement is a load of bullshit and unnecessarily complicated

Real ID... that's a load of bullshit. It's impossible to get an appointment... Why can't there just be one line? You go to one person, you get everything done and you leave, you go to eight different lines and you get an appointment. And an appointment means nothing.

A blue jay would easily beat a cardinal in a fight

A blue jay would kick a cardinal's ass in a fight. Even though the Louisville cardinal has teeth, blue jays are, are much bigger. They're super, super aggressive.

The NCAA selection committee accidentally swapped Memphis and Louisville

Memphis, I am choosing to believe this because it is crazy... people are saying that the committee, they accidentally swapped him. Louisville has a better net RPI, KenPom, T-Rank and higher in the ESPN BPI rankings in every category. But Memphis is the higher seeded team. I choose to believe that too because it makes no sense other than they just accidentally messed it up.

Aaron Rodgers is repeating the Brett Favre path exactly

Aaron Rodgers... it is Cats in the Cradle with Brett Favre. He's just learning everything from [him] and he hated Brett Favre for it too. It's perfect.

North Carolina's inclusion in the tournament is the most egregious committee decision ever

I thought North Carolina, at no point in the season did they look like an NCAA tournament team. They, they, yeah. They, their, their, their highs weren't very high. Their lows were pretty damn low. And I was, I was stunned. I was, in all the years of, you know, that's how the bracket works. It comes out, we, we lose our minds about teams that got in that didn't deserve it. We, we feel bad for the teams that were left out. This is the most egregious example that I've ever seen.

It's disrespectful to make UConn an 8-seed after back-to-back titles

I gotta admit, it's disrespectful that UConn is an 8-seed, Mark, because they won, I don't know if you know this, they won the last two national championships... and now you're just relegating them to an 8. You're throwing 'em out like the trash. Gimme a fucking break.

Dan Hurley is an asshole, but he is important to the college basketball ecosystem

Dan Hurley's an asshole and I think that's fair... Dan Hurley is the heel... I think it's great for the sport if [Duke and Hurley] make it there... I would've been upset if college basketball lost him [to the Lakers].

Cooper Flagg's hype is actually lower than it should be given his dominance

I think Cooper Flagg has had, I, I don't, I, for some reason he, the, the hype is somehow there, but it's also, I feel like it's not as great as it should be for this kid. 'Cause he is unfucking believable. He had an, an insane amount of hype coming in. He's delivered on all of it. He leads Duke in every single category.

The NCAA Tournament bracket reveal is the best non-sporting sporting event of the year

I actually think that this is the best non-sporting, sporting event of the year. I think that bracket reveal is the best sporting event that does not actually contain sports of the year. Oh, it's, it's incredible.

UNC getting into the tournament over West Virginia and Indiana is a result of committee member Bubba Cunningham being the UNC AD

UNC got into the tournament with one quad, one win. And Bubba Cunningham, who is part of the selection committee is also the ad at UNC. What I would say to that is that doesn't fucking matter at all [that he recused himself] because you spend an entire weekend hanging out with this people... Everyone in that room has to decide on UNC and then have him come back in the room and he's gonna be like, so how we looking?

The NCAA selection committee stopped working on Friday night

The committee. It's very clear they stopped working on Friday night. Maybe that's why Leonard's been sleeping because it makes no sense that UNC is in this tournament. It makes no sense that Michigan got a five. It makes no sense that Louisville got an eight.

Kansas is going to be a bummer to watch and a 'pain in the ass' in the tournament

Kansas is a bummer to watch. Because you're gonna look at them and think, oh wait, it's Kansas. Kansas is the tournament Bill Self and the tournament. They're gonna be a pain in the ass to watch.

Maryland was under-seeded and should have been a 3-seed

Maryland Grand Canyon's gonna be a good game. Maryland kind of got screwed too. I feel like they probably could have been a three [seed].

Borgs (Blackout Rage Gallons) are ratchet

My other, who's back of the week is... Borg. Blackout rage gallon. Foul... I've seen... people name 'em and stuff... it's so ratchet.

UNC getting into the tournament is the biggest miscarriage of justice in 20 years

This is one of the biggest miscarriage of justices that I have seen in all my years covering college basketball... North Carolina was one and 12 against quad one opponents. That is just a fact of life... My heart breaks for West Virginia, it breaks for Indiana that North Carolina got this opportunity instead of them.

Automatic Qualifiers (AQs) should always play on Thursday/Friday, while at-large teams play in the First Four

I think if you're good enough to get an automatic qualifier to the NCAA tournament, you deserve to partake in the Thursday and Friday of the first week... put the last eight at large teams in the first four, it would reward these programs again at the lower level and give them the NCAA tournament experience.

Cooper Flagg should go to the NBA this year no matter which team drafts first

Cooper, this is why you gotta go to the NBA. No matter who drafts you, no matter who is in position to the lottery, you're risking injury... If the Wizards get the first lotto pick, don't even think twice. Go to the NBA.

Bill Belichick's girlfriend being copied on all North Carolina emails is a sign of shadow coaching

Belichick is telling all the North Carolina officials to copy his girlfriend on any emails that they send him... she's apparently very smart philosopher, right? He's asking his bosses to copy her on all the emails... Is she the shadow coach at UNC?

Rory McIlroy taking a fan's phone during a practice round is incredibly soft

Rory McIlroy is the worst... he goes and takes the guy's phone and just starts walking off with him... That's soft. Hey. Yeah. It's, it's soft. That's insanely soft. Like what do, it's a practice round.

DeMarcus Lawrence claiming Dallas won't win a Super Bowl is pure rejection and envy

Micah Parsons quote to you said, this is what rejection and envy look like. This is some clown shit. And then DeMarcus Lawrence replied, calling me a clown won't change the fact that I told the truth. Maybe if you spent less time tweeting and more time winning, I wouldn't have left. This league.

Most women believe that all men are naturally capable of dunking a basketball regardless of size

My fiance just asked me with a straight face: When was the first time I dunked? She just assumed throughout our entire relationship I've been dunking... hubs tweeted this out last night... I wonder how fast she thinks I can throw a baseball... women just think that all men can dunk.

Daniel Jones joining the Colts follows the Manning brothers' career arc and he will be QB1 by mid-September.

He's doing the, the Manning Brothers career arc is what he's gonna do. ... Daniel Jones might be QB one by by mid-September. ... also, there was an immediate Chris Berman that came to my brain when I saw this. He's just Indiana Jones.

If a team has to fix all its holes through free agency, they are fundamentally a bad team

My take on free agency is if you have to, 'cause everyone's like, oh, they're off season champs again... If you have to fix all the holes, that means you're a bad team if you have to, if you have to go into free agency.

The Cowboys are officially 'all in' after signing a long snapper to a $4.5 million deal.

Winner and free agency, the Cowboys all in, because I don't know if you guys saw, but they signed a long snapper for three year, 4.4 or $5 million deal. So that's pretty big. He's cooking Jerry's up to something.

The Big 12 tournament court is the weirdest looking thing and it sucks to watch on TV.

The Big 12 because they're playing the tournament right now and their court is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And the commissioner of the Big 12 said that it's actually a resounding success because so many people are talking about it. ... it looks like if you've ever put on a VR headset and asks you to scan the room to know where the walls in the floor are, that's what it looks like. ... I feel like if you're a player on the court, you probably don't mind it that much. But if you watch it on tv it sucks ass.

Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner will break up during March Madness because he'll be too focused on basketball.

Kylie's probably gonna break up with him during the tournament. He's gonna be like, sorry babe, I gotta watch, I gotta watch Ball. You understand?

Knowing ball is a powerful enough skill to change a nation's perception of even the world's worst people.

Timothy Chalamet's proof that you can change an entire nation's perception of you by knowing Ball. If Osama Bin Laden would've declared his love for Miami of Ohio's football program, we would've been like, you know, we can always just rebuild those towers. ... If Kim Jong-un got three picks right on college game day, I'm pretty sure we'd all just be like, that's just our culture.

NFL players prioritize money above Hall of Fame status and Super Bowl rings

Of course it's always about the money... I go around and ask players, rank 'em. I think they all rank first money... then Hall of Fame... and then the ring is third. You know what, they don't sell their money on eBay.

Baker Mayfield is a better quarterback than Jalen Hurts and I would take him for the next five years.

Would I take Baker Mayfield over [Jalen Hurts] for the next five years? Yeah... I would take Baker. It's close. They're the same. They're all, like I said, they're in the same grouping. ... I'm not gonna call [Hurts] a weak link of the offense. But if you had to, if number four is the weak link, then he's the weak link of the offense.

Jalen Hurts is not an elite quarterback and ranks in the 6-15 range, while Jayden Daniels is already elite.

Quarterbacks, there's five elite quarterbacks including Jayden Daniels by the way. There's five right now. Then the rest of them are kind of lump from, from six to 13 or 14. They're all kind of in together. That's the difference. That's what the league is right now. And Jalen Hurts is in six to 15. It's just your preference.

The Rams offense has no speed and nobody on that side of the ball scares you.

The Rams need to get faster. ... you look at their offense. What do you, what what? They have no speed on that offense. There's none. Nobody scares you. They brought Tutu Atwell back 'cause he is, you know, he's the only speed they have. But everybody plays him in a foam booth. The running back's not fast. The wide receivers aren't fast. They're good players. They're not fast. They gotta get fast.

Brown toilets should be more popular because they hide stains better

Say no Brown's kitchen. Every toilet's brown, brown toilets should be more popular. You hide the stains easy. He, he like, you should be like, listen honey, we'll do every toilet in this house Browns.

The Browns proved they are committed to a championship by paying Myles Garrett a massive contract

I think they [the Browns] just show that they are committed to winning. Yeah. They're, the Brown's football organization is one that is, they're putting their best foot forward trying to deliver championship in Miles Garrett said, you know what? Now I believe you. Yeah, I I think that we're actually gonna gonna do it. And step number one towards committing to a championship is to pay Miles Garrett a shitload of money.

Whoever signs the largest contract in the NFL should get seven days to wear a crown

I think there should be a new rule that if you sign the biggest contract, whether it be a, the biggest quarterback contract, the biggest non quarterback contract, you should get seven days to wear the crown. Miles Garrett should have had to wait seven days [to take it from Max Crosby].

I would rather have Geno Smith than Sam Darnold right now

Is it crazy to say that I, I think I would maybe rather have Geno then Sam Darnold. Yeah. Probably. Because Sam Darnold's probably gonna cost more right now.

DK Metcalf and George Pickens on the Steelers is the funniest possible combination of wide receivers

I don't know how the Steelers are gonna manage the DK Metcalf and the George Pickens situation. I'm excited to see how they do it. It's, that's why I wanted this to happen. It's the funniest possible combination of receivers that you could get.

LeBron James' best dad move ever was getting Bronny drafted into the NBA

Lebron is a better father than he is basketball player? Yeah, I think, didn't we we determin that on Friday. Yeah. The fact that he got Bronny drafted. Yeah. No basketball player has ever done that before. But I do think he went up to him [Stephen A. Smith] like Stephen A. Smith played the role afterwards.

NC State was right to fire Kevin Keatts because his Final Four run was a fluke

I saw NC State fired their coach off of a Final Four appearance. Everyone was like, how can you do this? Maybe because it was the fluke Final four. No, I mean it was an incredible run. No, nothing to take away from NC State. But if Virginia had fouled up three in the ACC tournament, he would've been fired last year.

The NBA needs a Celtics-Lakers Finals for the ratings

The Lakers were scaring me. They've been, you know, they won eight straight. They were playing really well and it, you know the conspiracy of how does Luca end up in la? The NBA needs a Celtics. Lakers NBA finals for ratings. Yep.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are a real threat to the Celtics because they simply don't lose

I'm a little concerned, but I, you know, we're the champs. You gotta beat the Champs to be the Champs... I think they're probably six or seven back. Cavs don't lose. It's crazy. Calves are really good. Yeah. They're either have seven and a half back. Yeah. The calves are Cavs are awesome.

Expanding the NCAA tournament too much will hurt the TV product in the second round because Cinderellas often get blown out after the first day

I worry if they expand it too much. You know, we have already, it's tough because we have Cinderella... the more you expand it, the more those kind of things happen. Which you guys all like the first day, right? But TV doesn't like it the second round. No. So it's always fun and exciting for you guys. And meanwhile I'm sitting home ready to, you know, whatever.

A five-time Pro Bowl resume doesn't make Joey Bosa an all-time franchise great

I'm spoiled with greatness. So it's like when you talk about all time players of a franchise five time Pro bowler, rookie of the year is not exactly all time. It's just a good solid player.

The NBA should get rid of the 10-seed play-in game because the teams are bad

The 10 seed in the NBA, the play-in game is so stupid. The Bulls are the 10 seed right now. They're 24 and 38. They're not a good basketball team... the Hawks are not good. Like what? Like just get, get rid of it.

I will just release one pick a day to protect myself from Hank's fade

I'm protecting myself against guys like you [Hank]. I might just release one pick. I might bet everything, but I might release one pick.

Getting your wisdom teeth out is a racket

I still have not had mine out... I think getting you wisdom teeth out is a racket.

Fantasy football teams should draft wide receivers early and wait for running backs until round 4-6

If I were to remain in charge of the draft... we're gonna go heavy on wide receivers in the beginning and we're not gonna pick up running backs until maybe the fourth, fifth, and sixth rounds.

The NFL Combine workout is a small portion of player evaluation compared to game tape

The the workout part is a really small portion for me at least. I think it's led to some mis evaluations. The tape is the biggest guide. What I do think the combine's beneficial for is the medical checks... and then you spend those 15 minute increments where you're able to just get a feel for their football acumen.