Takes

It is harder to stay at the top than to reach it in professional sports

It's always easy to have the hunger before you get it... But then when you are successful, in our case, when an NBA championship, you know, you understand what it takes to be able to stay at that level. And it's not easy... Now you're not the hunter anymore. You're the hunted.

NBA players leave the bench early to shave time off post-game recovery and travel

Being a vet, former vet, knowing the thing, they wanted to get the treatment because he put in his head... It takes 30, 40 minutes, 45 minutes, and this is after a game, if not an hour. And so he's got to shower. He's got to change. He's got media obligations... and they still have to get on the plane and go back to L.A. Just trying to trim down those minutes.

Anyone over the age of 25 must hire a mover

Over the age of 25, you should hire a mover. I agree. I am that mover in this case. Yeah. Well, are you hired? No. Okay. You need to get hired.

If the Cowboys don't win a Super Bowl in the next 20 years, they will become the NFL's version of the Toronto Maple Leafs

The Cowboys, I think, have the element of... They're one of the teams that you think of when you think of football. The Leafs are one of the teams you think of when you think of hockey. They have historical relevance, but it's all in the past... If the Cowboys, if we're sitting here 2045 and the Cowboys haven't gone back to a Super Bowl, they would be the Maple Leafs.

Jimmy Butler is not a top 15 player in the NBA

I've long said that Jimmy Butler is not a top 15 player in the NBA. He doesn't look at all like he did last year. I don't know what the difference is.

Nike's NBA jerseys are an abomination

What Nike has done with jerseys is an abomination. Whatever the Knicks were wearing was so fucking bad. It was like, it looked like if they made a movie set in the future and like New York City set in like 20, I don't know, 90, this is what the Knicks are wearing.

Home teams should always wear white in every sport

In any sport, one team should wear white... the home team should just wear white. Yes. That's it. And then the away team wears color. They can maybe switch it between a couple different colors. But the home team should always wear white.

Bryson DeChambeau's U.S. Open win is a 'Mickey Mouse' major championship

Also Bryson, he has a Mickey Mouse U.S. Open. Can we admit that? Oh, here's something I'll just throw out there. It's a Mickey Mouse major championship. There are no fans.

Urban Meyer and LeBron James are the same person

Urban Meyer and LeBron were the same person. I was like, I'm going to use this to get what I need out of it. I'm going to use the state of Ohio. And then once I get what I need, I'm gone, and that's that. And I saw through it.

If Justin Fields fails in Chicago, it is the Bears' fault, not Ohio State's

If Justin Fields in Chicago does not work out, it is the Bears' fault. Do not blame this on Ohio State quarterbacks. Put that one in the Bears. Don't blame Justin Fields. That's all I'm asking.

The Nets will only lose if their stars have off-nights or are distracted by off-court issues

You have to hope that KD and Kyrie have off nights and that James Harden went out to a strip club... I was thinking I was like, you have to take James Harden out to the club. You have to get a Twitter troll to go after KD. And then you have to have like some type of fact or like, whoa, moment with Kyrie that he just spends the whole time being like, is the world flat or not?

It is better to interview bad athletes than great ones

It's honestly better interviewing players that were not very good at hockey than players that were great. And that goes for most sports too... Like, would you think about all the great athletes out there that have transitioned to being in the front office? They all stink at it.

Aaron Rodgers has benefited from the Packers' organizational culture he now claims to hate

Aaron Rodgers has benefited from the Packers' organizational culture... that's why they have had success is because they are an organization that is always looking forward... the best time to get a quarterback is when you don't need one. That's what they did. So Aaron Rodgers has benefited... but now he doesn't like it.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT over LeBron because he has no skill deficiencies

MJ always is going to be there at the forefront... MJ is my guy... for me, [LeBron] can't, it's the skill set. And it's the skill set that separates them from me. And MJ has no deficiencies when it comes to the game of basketball on both ends of the floor.

Kevin Owens might not have had a WWE career without my success

I think I opened the door for unlikely builds to get a better look at WWE. You know, a guy like Kevin Owens may not have gotten that look had it not been for the success that I had.

Ben Simmons is the greatest basketball player who cannot score of all time

He went six points, 15 rebounds, 15 assists. He might be the greatest basketball player who cannot score of all time. He's broken the game. He can't score. You would think that it would be impossible for a guy that is bad at shooting to be an elite basketball player. But he's somehow figured out a way to be insanely good at basketball while also not scoring points.

Colorado is a Southern team because it is south of the Canadian border

Based on the North American scale, Colorado is considered Southern. No, he's saying in the middle of the country, not North America. You're saying North America? I meant all the teams in play, they're one of the southern teams. Anything south of the Canadian border is southern.

Jake Marsh is the most accidental alpha I have ever seen

Jake Marsh is the most accidental alpha I have ever seen in my entire life. That's what makes Jake the true alpha is because none of this is intentional. It's all natural to him.

The NBA Play-In should only be a one-game sudden death between the 8 and 9 seeds

I just think that do 8-9. I'm cool with 8-9. I think the 7-10 thing is stupid. 8-9 sun death. One game. Yes, exactly. Eight, nine, sudden death, one game. Yes, exactly.

F1 teammates in Europe generally hate each other because they are each other's biggest career threat

Call a teammate in Europe, they fucking hate each other. Because it's the one guy that's going to kill his career. So they play team, but the reality is they both want to beat each other.

Formula One needs a star American driver for the sport to truly take off in the US

That's what the U.S. need. We've got to get a decent American driver running in Formula One. And as soon as that happens, I think the US will just take off even more.

The NBA play-in tournament is stupid

I've decided I'm not going to be Mr. No Fun. I'll just let the playing game happen. I'm not going to tweet that this is stupid. I'm just going to sit here and be right in my silence because... This was stupid.

First-round overtime hockey is a grueling slog that uses up too much energy

What I don't like is first-round overtime hockey playoff games. Because you constantly think to yourself, you have so many more of these series to get through. And we're already playing extra hockey.

Society needs guys like Tony La Russa to protect unwritten rules

I just want to remind people, because I saw the public outcry against Tony La Russa, and I get it, but I want to remind people, If you chase off every single guy who is holding up the unwritten rules, eventually society will crumble. You need the old guy yelling at clouds. You need the Tony La Russa being like, that was Bush League for his own team.

Kwame Brown and Charles Barkley should have a show together

You could take Kwame Brown and Charles Barkley, put them in a truck... You could put him in comedian cars getting coffee, except it's Charles Barkley and Kwame Brown talking about how youngsters these days have it so easy in the NBA. Forget the TNT show, which is wonderful. I think we can all agree. There should at least be like 10 minutes a day of those two just going at it.

Tim Tebow is a shysty guy who is all about himself

There could be a chance that Tebow is just a really shysty guy. It's all about himself.

The NBA's current play-in tournament structure for the 7th and 8th seeds is stupid.

I just hate that they — like, they had something good. Eight versus nine is good... When you add the 10th seed, it's stupid. And the fact that the 7th seed could potentially not make the playoffs is even dumber. I just hate the whole thing.

Joel Embiid is the most dominant player in the NBA right now.

Embiid is, you could make the argument, is the most dominant player right now in the NBA... Joel Embiid, when healthy, is the most dominant player in the NBA.

I could defeat a bald eagle in a fight by grabbing it and slamming it on the ground.

The move would be to jump up in the air and to grab it like you're mossing nature. And you just grab it and then you slam it on the ground. Smother it... while it's trying to do that, just boom, stamp him on his head.

I would defeat a King Cobra in a fight by letting it bite me and then strangling it.

I would simply let it bite me. And then after it was latched on, then you just strangle it. And hope it doesn't kill you... if you kill the cobra first, but you die after, you still win.

Crocodiles are easier to defeat on land than cobras because they cannot move laterally.

I actually think I'd have more trouble with the cobra than I would a crocodile. It's at foot level, so it's perfect kicking... I would just run around it to its back and then just fucking get him from behind. He can't move laterally.

The medication in Medina Spirit's system made zero difference in the Kentucky Derby outcome

The amount of beta-methasone that he had in his system absolutely positively in my opinion and according to the opinion of some of the top veterinarians that I've talked to made zero difference whatsoever in the way the horse ran in the derby. It was one one millionth of a gram... There's no way that it had any impact at all on the way he ran.

Jockey changes among elite riders make zero difference in major races

When you're betting and you get into a race like the Kentucky Derby or the Preakness, the jockeys involved are all so good and so competent that the difference between jockey A and jockey B, jockey B and jockey C is negligible... just ignore the rider and focus on the abilities of the horse.

I can still throw a football 60 yards

I bet I could hit 60 [yards]. I saw you threw a fastball. You did the first pitch for a Mariners game, and you got, what, 68? Yeah, and I got to 72 the next year. You still got a cannon. My goal was, but it's funny, that sounds so lame.

Real men get three vaccine shots

I was at the doctor. I was getting my third vaccine shot. Oh, nice. Better safe than sorry. Yeah, I'm great. Like I said, I'm triple vaxxed up. Nothing could go wrong. Real men get three.

The public should wear masks for one more week to cover my cold sore

My Fyre Fest is masks off, which is great, but I'm getting a cold sore right now... this is the worst possible time ever... I think that we should do one more week. If we just go masks one more week, I think that'll be perfect timing.

The Wizards are the least consequential team in all of sports

I would make the argument that the Wizards are probably the least consequential team to ever pay attention to in all of sports.

The NBA play-in tournament is stupid because a 7th seed can miss the playoffs

I still think it's stupid that you could finish with the seventh seed and not make the playoffs. That part is very dumb to me.

Quarterbacks should not have input on personnel decisions or hiring

Quarterbacks should not be making decisions as it relates to personnel and who should be hired. I said that all along with Deshaun Watson.

Justin Fields was the second-best quarterback in the 2021 draft class

Lawrence is the clear one. Justin Fields, in my mind, is the two... He's accurate. He's smart. He's tough. He's athletic. He's big. He will be a darn good quarterback.

You never trust a man who wears transition lenses

I think this goes back to my old theory of you never trust a man with transition lenses. The person is up to something shady. Once you reach the stage in life where you commit to becoming a transition lens guy... I'd be shocked if you weren't spending your days and nights drugging racehorses.

Luka Doncic is getting very close to being a dirty player

Luka Doncic is getting very close to being, like, a dirty player... And he already gets people mad at him because he complains about every call. So, like, you can't—then you just become Chris Paul.

Jake Paul would get his ass kicked and wouldn't even be able to land a punch on Canelo Alvarez

It's so funny watching [Canelo] move and the fact that there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul's a legit boxer. Like, no, no, no. They're completely different athletes... He would never touch him. That's the part. It's not even that Canelo would hurt Jake Paul. Jake Paul wouldn't be able to punch Canelo Alvarez.

Mike Trout is the greatest baseball hitter in the history of the sport

He is the greatest player I've ever seen. I was kind of arguing with my dad. I was telling him he might be the best hitter in the history of baseball and he didn't agree with me... Yes, he is the greatest of at least our era.

Baseball celebrations have gone too far in regular season games

For me, since I have played before, I will say I do think the celebrations have gone too far... I want to talk about on Twitter, but I don't really tweet anymore. It's just too much. Like the Tatis stuff... I like the 'let the kids play' type stuff, but it's also, I'm going to be in the minority in this... doing it in like a day game in Cincinnati in April, it seems like Game 7 of the World Series, it's a little much.

The best way to handle a veteran player who needs to retire is to fake an injury and put them on the IL

That's a very easy answer, and it happened to me once in my career. You just put him on the DL. That's all you do, or the IL, whatever. You throw him on there... You know, you got foot soreness and IL and then transfer them to the 60-day and you kind of forget about them and then, you know, maybe bring them back in September.

Tom Wilson is currently the NHL's apex predator because the league phased out goons

The problem is the NHL not having, they basically got like the goon, the goon is extinct in the NHL. The fighting has been phased out of the league. The big guys don't have a place anymore. Therefore, Tom Wilson is the toughest guy in the world and he beat the entire New York Rangers roster.

The NHL's tiny fine for Tom Wilson was a genius move to keep people talking about hockey

I appreciate the NHL. Now giving us more of a, like, if you want to get real woke the NHL only giving them a $5,000 fine was the greatest thing they've ever done because it kept the story going and having people talk about the NHL before the playoffs for another week.

Pantsing someone so their 'dick and balls' flop out is the height of comedy

A pants, when you can get the underwear as well. And the person's Dick and balls flop out is the height of comedy... bend your knees and crab walk the court. Kings of comedy tour. It would just be people getting pants and puking farting too.

It is always better for a journalist to be right than to be first

The one thing you do teach you is you always, it's always better to be right than be first.