Takes

Twitter's decision to discontinue Periscope is a mistake

Hot Seat Periscope. It's been discontinued in March. The Twitter made the decision to, it's going to be Twitter live. So the memories that the Cat caves there. Twitter does that. They choose the wrong thing to do and do it more than any company that's ever existed.

The White Out at Penn State is the best atmosphere in sports

I still think that, and from everyone I've talked to, they said that the white out's the best atmosphere that they've ever been in. Like it's one of the things that you have to go to it, to like actually experience it. Like it looks awesome on TV, but it's like better in person.

A period is the only acceptable punctuation for a social media blowout tweet

I've definitely noticed the Final period, period is the, the piece of punctuation you'd have to use. Like if it's a blowout, you can't do a comma. You certainly can't do a semi-colon because then that opens you up for more. Final period conveys like the right amount of sobriety and conveys, like we're not going to discuss this anymore.

Thin sugar cookies with sprinkles are the superior Christmas cookie

I just like the sugar cookies with the, the like the straight up like the thin sugar cookies with the sprinkles on it that you can eat like a thousand of them.

An Xbox is the best breakup gift to give during the holidays

What's the best gift to get someone that you want to break up with after the holiday season? An Xbox, I'm just going to say it. Like something that will keep them entertained. Because if you break up with him after giving him an Xbox, he's not going to be talking to you anyways. At that point it will just be obsessed with his new video game system.

Leonard Fournette at fourth overall was a worse pick than Mitch Trubisky

I think Leonard Fournette being drafted fourth in 2017 was a worse pick than Mitch Trubisky... taking a running back with the fourth overall pick is crazy... you cut him, and then the guy who comes in, who's like a no-name [James Robinson], does really well.

Throwing a shoe should be legal in college football

I actually agree with [Dan Mullen] in a weird way... why can't you throw a shoe? Explain that to me. First of all, it was not a taunting thing. It was excitement... you should be allowed to throw your opponent's shoes. If they're already off, you should be allowed to throw the shoe as far as you want.

Kyrie Irving is the 'basketball Steve Jobs'

I think I've decided to just become a Kyrie guy... what's the harm in going with everything that Kyrie Irving says and believes? I'd rather believe him and have him be wrong than not believe him and have him be right... He thinks he's the basketball Steve Jobs.

Coach K is the biggest front-running fraud of all time

Coach K is the biggest front-running fraud of all time. Not to brag, but we called it. It was a one game. Hank, they lost to Michigan State. They got killed by Illinois. And then Coach K said, we got to reassess and start really thinking about this COVID thing.

Greg Williams called the cover zero blitz on purpose to spite Adam Gase

I think he did it on purpose based on the fact that he and Adam Gase just don't get along. ... The only way you lose that game is to make the call that Greg Williams made. And I just think that Greg wanted Adam Gase to wear 0-16 on his resume.

Getting benched is the best thing that ever happened to Carson Wentz

I actually think Carson Wentz getting benched was the greatest thing that's ever happened to Carson Wentz. Dude, he's going to get paid to not play football. And he's really bad. So now he doesn't have to be really bad every week. I'm sure he dreaded playing football.

Mr. Unlimited is a 'killer instinct mentality' and an 'alter ego'

Unlimited comes from this idea that... You know, you have to, you know, in the midst of a season, in the midst of life, you have to be able to, one, first of all, have fun and joke around. But I think also, too, you kind of got to have this killer instinct, you know, no matter what you do, you know, you kind of have got to have this other side of you. This is kind of the other side of me, you know, Mr. Unlimited, just that mentality, you know, that anything's possible.

I have a clutch gene that runs through my veins and strikes fear in the other team

You got to have a clutch gene. You got to have this clutch gene. You got to have that DNA where it runs through your veins and it runs through your team it runs through the emotion of the game and it runs through the other team's mind too as well.

When I walk on the field I feel like Michael Jordan or Derek Jeter stepping up to the plate

It's like Michael Jordan or a certain Derek Jeter comes up to the plate. The guy on second base, you feel like he's always going to knock him in. I feel like that every time I walk up to the plate. I feel like that every time I walk up to the field.

The Super Bowl loss changed my career for the better — that's where being unlimited comes from

I think it changed my career for the better in terms of how I overcome obstacles, how I come through situations, how I get ready and be fully prepared. That was a critical moment, and I think that's where that alter ego kind of comes up a little bit. You've got to be a little bit unlimited when everybody else is telling you you're not this, you're not that.

The Super Bowl interception doesn't pop into my head anymore — I've trained my brain

It doesn't really pop in my head. I think, I think, I think the first year it pops in your head almost every day. Um, but I think, you know, now, um, you know, for me, I've trained my, I've trained, I've trained my, I've trained my brain every day to know that man, stuff's going to happen, man.

Baseball was actually my best sport

I always feel like baseball is actually my best sport... if I really had focused on baseball, you know, out of high school, I was going to be a top pick out of high school... I never really got to fully blossom fully in my baseball career... out of high school and stuff that baseball was actually my best sport.

When you launch a 60-yard deep ball on the road and the whole crowd goes silent, there's this peace

One of my favorite things when you're playing on the road and everybody's booing you, everybody's screaming and the whole crowd noise and all that stuff's going on. And then you got a guy going down the sideline, you launch this 60 yard deep go ball and the whole crowd goes, yeah. And there's this pause and moment in time where the ball's spinning down in the air, and boom, he catches it.

The Rose Bowl field feels like a par five golf green

the sun's just going down and the field feels like a golf course it feels like a par five right on the green

Phil Knight told me after the Rose Bowl I'd be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time

sure enough phil knight comes out right in front of me and he goes oh man nice game russell i want to make you a nike athlete one day when you're ready to play in the nfl and i think you're going to be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time

Jake Paul is lying about being 6'1" and is actually 5'9"

Jake Paul is lying about his height. He's listed at 6'1", but is really 5'9". And I put a picture of Jake Paul who wore a headdress in his face-off with Nate Robinson to show that he's not actually the same height... He's shorter than KSI, who is listed as 5'9".

The 'Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?' debate is the worst thing ever

My who's back of the week is people asking, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? I saw it start to happen. Fuck. This is the hot dog is a sandwich debate. If anybody asks you this question, they are a police officer. Do not answer them... Please don't do it. I will lose respect for you.

The Saints are currently the best team playing in the NFL

But if you're talking about who's playing the best right this second, it would probably be Saints. It's without a doubt the Saints.

The Rockets and Wizards both lost the Russell Westbrook for John Wall trade

The John Wall-Russell Westbrook trade was hilarious because it was a trade where I think both teams lost. It's essentially the status quo.

Pulling Blake Snell from the World Series was a mistake driven by numbers over gut

I think he [Kevin Cash] went with the numbers and didn't go with his gut... Blake Snell, no pitcher really should want to come out unless they injure themselves... he wasn't close to being done.

DK Metcalf's muscles are too big and cause him to drop footballs

DK [Metcalf] dropped another touchdown catch, and we're beginning to think he might have a problem, that maybe his muscles are too big and they push the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads. He can't make body catches.

Bill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games

The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.

Fraser Fir is the only acceptable Christmas tree; do not buy Douglas Fir or Spruce

Bottom line is get yourself a Fraser fir. Don't go for Douglas fir. Don't let them talk you into a fucking spruce. Worst of all, go with a Fraser fir as a former Christmas tree salesman, I can tell you. Actually, no one's ever a former Christmas tree salesman. For life.

The best movies must tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, and blow your mind

In my opinion the best movies do three things: tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind... any time a movie kind of leaves you laughing and crying and kind of makes you think too – I mean, I don't know how you beat that.

You cannot know if a relationship is a 'rebound' until it actually ends

I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards. In the middle of a rebound, it just feels cool... so a rebound could always be just a put-back dunk until you hit the ground. So you haven't hit the ground just yet, so it's impossible to know how to score it.

I would have 'form tackled' Derrick Henry if we played against each other

I told him that had he and I played against each other, I would have formed tackled him... When I really told him that he would have never done me like Josh Norman. Because we would have never got in that situation.

If I were guarding Tyreek Hill one-on-one, he would have zero catches and zero yards

No, no, no. You can't even ask me that. I'm primed. He doesn't beat you deep. Tyreek Hill, zero catches, zero yards. I got three jackets in the closet, and I didn't buy either of them.

I would fuck up Jake Paul in a fight 100%

I will fuck up Jake Paul 100%. He's small. He's 5'7 at the tallest. I looked at a picture of him next to Dave Portnoy, and they were the exact same height... I have a bigger reach than Jake Paul. I would totally be able to pick him out from the outside.

Bruce Arians needs to start yelling at Tom Brady again

Arians was kind of treating him with kid gloves after the game. He was saying, like, he was taking responsibility and saying that those picks weren't Tom Brady's fault. And it's like, you want Bruce Arians to yell at you and call you a shithead. When he stops calling you a shithead, that's when it becomes an issue.

Pat Fitzgerald is the most disrespected coach in America

I actually had a spin zone that you are the most disrespected coach in America... Pat Fitzgerald is a great coach and has a very good program, and people should recognize that... They are a good program that is consistently good, and you are a great coach, and people need to recognize that.

Michigan basketball is energized by the failures of the football program

Michigan's football season [will be more disappointing]. Michigan football sucking powers the basketball program. I really think there's something to that. The worse the football program does, the more people shit on Harbaugh by saying Michigan is a basketball school now, which is good because you're saying that to shit on Harbaugh, but what's happening is a real-life narrative is building that Michigan really is a really good basketball school.

UConn is a blue-blood mid-major

UConn is the only blue-blood mid-major we have in college basketball. I think that's what's so unique about them. They are simultaneously a blue blood, but also a mid-major.

The Bears are a bad franchise and it is embarrassing to root for them

They're such a bad, bad team. Bad franchise. Fuck, man. It sucks... It's so painful. No one wants to see it... I wish their games were at fucking 3 in the morning. Honestly. On pay-per-view. So you have to choose to opt in to subject yourself to Bears games.

Chris Godwin is a Robin, not a Batman, in the Buccaneers' wide receiver room.

[Chris Godwin] is not a one. He's definitely not a one. He's a Robin. He's not Batman, but he's a Robin.

Northwestern fans need to stop pretending to be a scrappy underdog and act like a good football program.

I just cannot stand Northwestern fans... You can't do the, we're the little engine that could. We're the scrappy underdog. No one cares about Northwestern... Stop pretending like every win is like, oh, my God, we fucking... shock the world and we beat you. You won the Big Ten West two years ago.

Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry when they finally play one-on-one

Oh, that is awkward that [LaMelo Ball] is going to Charlotte and LaVar Ball said that he can beat Michael Jordan one-on-one. I mean, they've got to play one-on-one. They have to play one-on-one. And Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

Success is the only thing that separates a visionary from a fool

The difference between being a visionary and a fool is success. If it happens, you're a visionary. You're brilliant, right? Well, if it doesn't happen, you're an asshole.

Billy Football's 285-pound bench press max is embarrassing

Billy actually said hovering around 285, which means he doesn't bench 285, which 285 is embarrassing... for a guy that spent four years in a weight program in high school and then three years in a weight program in college.

Vine was the perfect social media app

Vine, it was the most perfect app that's ever been invented. Vine was everything that TikTok and Instagram stories and fleets always wanted to be. Vine was the perfect app. Six seconds. It also, Vine was like the greatest, because TikTok, anyone can do anything... Having to be funny in six seconds or less is very hard to do.

God is the Browns' best offensive coordinator

If you're a Browns fan, you're sitting here on Monday and being like, I think God is a Browns fan now. Because God, who decides the weather obviously, keeps doing the worst possible weather in Cleveland on game days and forcing the Browns to run the football. God is literally your best offensive coordinator. He's saying, do not throw it a million times. Run the rock.

The Chiefs, Lions, Falcons, and Chargers are the funnest teams to watch because of the inevitable chaos

I would put like the Chiefs, the Lions, the Falcons, and the Chargers as like the funnest teams to watch in the NFL, knowing that some crazy shit's going to happen. Like a 21-point lead [blowing it]. Some sort of heartbreak occur to the Lions franchise.

Mike Evans is a top three wide receiver in the NFL

I think Mike Evans, I think he continues to be kind of like an underrated wide receiver... I think he's probably top three wide receiver in the NFL.

Kyler Murray is now must-watch TV

But Kyler Murray, who is now – like, he is officially elevated to must-watch, like – drop everything you have to watch every time he's got the ball that was insane that was an insane play.

The Masters looks better in November than in April

I think that the Masters looks better in November. I think that the course—I think that it's better as a November tournament than it has ever won... it gives the pine trees more of a shine that often gets overlooked when everyone's talking about the azaleas.