Rich Eisen, Mr. Portnoy Has A Complaint, And Week 10 Preview

The Tennessee Titans are frauds

We have to talk about the Tennessee Titans being frauds and having the worst special teams of all time. Fraudulent football team.

A punter should be able to play with a broken wrist

I think that if you're a punter with a broken wrist and I want to be the heart of football guy... you should be able to punt with a broken wrist. If you're a punter, that's the one thing in your life that you should be able to still do with a broken wrist.

Derrick Henry is not a good short-yardage back

I want to give credit a lot of credit to our own Billy football for initiating the take that Derrick Henry is not a good short yardage back... he doesn't like getting the ball up the middle... he's built like a horse, not an ox... he's all gam and no hams.

The Masters looks better in November than in April

I think that the Masters looks better in November. I think that the course—I think that it's better as a November tournament than it has ever won... it gives the pine trees more of a shine that often gets overlooked when everyone's talking about the azaleas.

I'm hammering the Giants +3.5 against the Eagles

I don't understand why the Giants are three and a half point underdogs when it feels like the Giants play every game to a point... I'm taking the Giants. I'm hammering the Giants.

Tom Brady has 'sundowning' dementia and can't play well at night

Is there a chance Tom Brady just too old to play at night? ...another telltale sign of dementia is called sundowning where the closer that it gets to dusk the lower capacity our brain functions at... I do believe that Tom Brady battling through his dementia is better in the one o'clock time slot.

Don't take the Chargers moneyline; they always lose by exactly one point

I want to take the Chargers based solely off the fact that they're going to lose this game by exactly one point and I know that... you'd be an idiot to take the money line for the Chargers.

Kliff Kingsbury is an airhead and a bimbo, not a genius

I don't think the Kliff Kingsbury is an offensive genius. No, I think he's a dummy. I think he's a fucking airhead. He's a bimbo. He's a member... he's all looks.

The Patriots will beat the Ravens on Sunday Night Football

Patriots defense is atrocious. How do you feel about this game? Survive and advance... I think it's going to be close with the Patriots squeaking out a win... Cam Newton getting revenge for it happening against the Bills.

My parlay system is designed to never lose all your money

Basically what I've done is I've figured out how to make sure that you don't lose all your money... it certainly is like making an app. I've got up to 31.25% that I break even. It's not going to win you money, but it's going to help you budget your bet better.

Patrick Mahomes is the MVP of the season

The Chiefs have the defending champs and they have to me the MVP of the season now is my prediction going in and just so you know, I'm not the only one saying that... Mahomes.

Scott Hanson is a superior RedZone host to Andrew Siciliano

Who do I have to tell go Siciliano? Oh my gosh... I'm taking PFT's gun and shooting Siciliano... why is that? [Scott] Hanson is far superior. He's an animal. He is outstanding what he does.

Michigan football is no longer relevant

It's not even fun anymore because the Michigan smarm and like we matter and Michigan's important—you don't matter... Michigan has not performed in that way at all that we had hoped with Harbaugh, but the relevance is absolutely seller.

HP has the worst customer service in the human race

I prepared on my Twitter account this morning thing that says about HP the worst cutting height I put him in quotations—customer service the worst in the human race. Whoa. And I could hurt so many people.