Takes

If you can't chug a beer in the state of Wisconsin, you should be excommunicated

There's actually no state worse to be in and not be able to chug a beer than the state of Wisconsin. If you can't chug a beer in the state of Wisconsin, you've got to get out instantly.

Drake is a Canadian version of a trash-talker who waits to respond via subtle social media changes

That's the most Canadian response ever to a disc track is to just wait and then subtly change your social media. Yeah, take as much time as possible. That's as mean as they get in Canada.

Having Drake on the sidelines during the NBA Finals adds necessary intrigue to the series

I want Drake in the finals... I've thought about it, and having [Drake] on the sidelines for what I think would be a short NBA finals would add at least a little bit of intrigue to it.

In college basketball, you must 'plant a flag' and never lose games at home to build a real program

You just have to set that tone like you can't lose at home. If you're going to build a real program, you've got to plant a flag in your home arena.

Successful coaches must ignore contractual perks and focus solely on what wins games

[Bob Huggins] taught me: Worry about things that matter. A lot of guys in our business, they worry about what car they're getting with their contract. Things that have nothing to do with winning. Just focus on what you need to do to win.

Instagram and social media are creating a mental health crisis because people compare their real lives to others' highlights

There's so much hate on social media. People are... I think the soul is not used to it. People then comparing themselves to everyone's highlights and Instagram. Instagram ain't the real world.

None of the 2019 quarterback prospects except Kyler Murray would have been first-rounders in the 2018 draft

And if you put... Any of those guys in last year's draft, I don't think any of them except Kyler would have been a first-round pick.

Marijuana is objectively a safer and better option for pain management than addictive opioids

[Marijuana] is probably better than the thing [opioids] that kills 70,000 people a year and was basically created by doctors and big health care to make a shitload of money at the expense of people getting hooked to very, very addictive drugs.

You will never win an argument online, so the best strategy is to never reply

Never reply online because you'll always lose. But if you do reply and you're going to be the reply guy, you might as well just go full reply all the time like Kevin Durant. There's no turning back the clock for Kevin Durant.

Direct messages on Twitter or Instagram officially count as 'texting' for reporting purposes

A text is a tweet, a DM, an Instagram DM, an Instagram comment... Broussard did the classic thing where... he says that Kevin Durant and he exchanged many DMs... he's not having it [the debate if a DM is a text]. It's all just a text now.

RBIs are the most important and only truly meaningful stat in baseball

RBIs are actually the most important stat when you actually look at it... The team who has the most RBIs... I'm not even counting runs anymore.

Drake is the worst for rubbing the coach's shoulders on the sideline

Drake is the worst. He is the star of the show up in Canada. So he was rubbing Nick Nurse's shoulders, giving him a little massage on the sidelines. You know what, Drake? You're from Canada. You should know better. It's like the Stanley Cup. You don't touch your coach's shoulders during a game until you win the title.

St. Louis Cardinals fans have been pieces of shit forever

The St. Louis-Chicago rivalry, St. Louis Cardinals fans have been pieces of shit forever with the way they treat Cubs. Best fans in baseball. Careful. Anyone who's listening right now is a Cardinals fan. They'll admit this. They made all the jokes. They said the Cubs would never win one.

Blake Bortles has the leadership and experience to not flinch in big-time games

Jared and [Bortles] have a great relationship and anytime that you can get a guy like Blake where when you meet him... he's one of those guys, he's got a great demeanor where you're like, you know, this guy feels like a quarterback, a leader. Then you hear him a couple days out here just the way he commands a huddle you can see why his teammates believe in him... [He] has been in those types of games, in those atmospheres where you know he's not going to flinch.

Kliff Kingsbury is 'system hot' and hides behind his sunglasses

I think Kliff is fake hot. I think he's not as hot as advertised. I think he's system hot. He hides behind the sunglasses. He's tall. Yeah, he hides behind the sunglasses like a real coward.

I am quitting juicing cold turkey this week

I've decided to quit juicing this week. So, juicing was becoming a real problem for me... and I'm going cold turkey this week.

We are definitely kingmakers because Brooks Koepka dominated after appearing on the show

We need to start the show with the question, are we kingmakers? I think definitely we are. Because Brooks Koepka just dominated the PGA Championship.

The Warriors are more fun to watch without Kevin Durant

The question now is, are the Warriors better without Kevin Durant? I think what you're seeing is they're more fun to watch without Kevin Durant. They are absolutely more fun to watch. They play a more interesting brand of basketball. Steph Curry is allowed to be Steph Curry.

If Jon Snow told Grey Worm he killed Daenerys, Grey Worm would have killed him instantly

If Jon Snow told Grey Worm that he killed Daenerys, Grey Worm would have killed him. In a second. They didn't show any of that.

The Warriors are Draymond Green's team

The Warriors are a lot of fun to watch right now and I'm gonna say it it's Draymond's team... He had 16, 10, and 7 was everywhere. He is the heartbeat of the Warriors. He unlocks Steph Curry to score 37 points.

I do not count my 2017 NBA Championship as earned

To be honest with you, I really don't count that championship... I got hurt going into the playoffs... and I'm always someone that like, I've never been given anything. So to me, I always wanted to earn it. And I felt like because I wasn't out there, you know, on the court with my guys sweating and fighting that it was kind of really just it was given to me.

My best NBA games were played while high

My best games in the NBA were high... After [shootaround] I would go home, I'd smoke a joint, then I would take a nap. And then I'd wake up, shower, eat, and bounce... It was probably within four or five hours of the game possibly.

Baron Davis would be one of the all-time greats if he had stayed healthy

Best all-around point guard I ever played with, Baron Davis. When he's healthy, no question. If Baron Davis would have had a healthy career, he'd be talked about as one of the greats. There's no question about that.

Kevin Durant is the best player in the world

Kevin Durant to me is the best player in the world right now and will probably go down as one of the most efficient, effective offensive players we've ever seen.

Colin Cowherd is a 'loser' for trolling Odell Beckham Jr. while secretly rooting for him in private texts

That's a funny way to root for somebody. To just trash them? ... So he turned it into a game show of how many things he can name about Odell Beckham that don't include him rooting for him... Colin Cowherd, I just used your words against you, you loser.

Nobody wants to find out what New York sports fans are like when the Knicks are actually good

I don't know what New Yorkers are like when the Knicks are really, really good. And I don't think that anybody wants to find out.

NCAA Football is the greatest video game of all time

NCAA video game is back. Well, maybe back. NCAA formed a committee to bring back the NCAA football game. And this is the greatest news I think that has ever happened in my life. Because that game is the best game ever.

NCAA Football is the best video game ever and much better than Madden

Best game ever. It really is. It really is. Better than Madden. I enjoyed playing NCAA football more than Madden.

Madden has become too realistic and is no longer fun to play

Madden got too hard. Madden got too hard in the last few years and it just didn't get fun. Everything was too realistic. Ever since the passing cone, really.

I have half the field beat mentally in majors because most golfers can't handle a tough course

It's easier when it's tough. You already know you got half the guys beat mentally, they can't play the course. And then the other ones just mentally can't hang. And so you only got to beat a few.

I don't watch golf when I'm away from the course

I'll be honest, I don't watch it. I don't watch it when I'm away from it... If I was going to watch anything, I'd watch Augusta and all the majors. But other than that, I'd much rather be watching basketball late night.

Golf courses should be shortened to 14 or 15 holes to be more fun

How do you speed up the game? Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes... Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker... It gets boring from like hole 5 to 12. You're just like, where am I right now?

Golfers wear metal spikes just to hear the clicking sound on concrete

I don't wear the spikes... soft spikes. [Some] guys wear the metal ones. I have no idea why. I think it's just to hear the click clack when they're walking over concrete... to make them feel like athletes.

Hannah B. is a bad Bachelorette because she cried too much in the first episode

I'm not a Hannah B fan whatsoever, so I would grade it like a C. The season's going to be tough. If you're the Bachelorette and you cry over the first guy, it's like you're the Bachelorette, you have 30 guys. One guy fucks you over, you're supposed to kick him to the curb and move on.

Nursing school graduation is a second-tier event that doesn't require a video recording

Should I be mad at my boyfriend for not videoing me walk across the stage at my nursing school graduation? No. Nursing school, that means it's probably your second graduation, right? So you probably already had a degree. Maybe if you were a doctor [it would matter].

Damian Lillard has a 'winner's face'

He's got a winner's chin. Have you ever seen that thing? If I'm doing the old school facial recognition, like this guy's a winner, this guy's not, Damian Lillard, he's got a winner's face.

I prefer watching women's soccer over men's soccer because the U.S. actually wins.

I actually like watching women's soccer better than men's soccer because we actually win in women's soccer.

I would want Robert Horry taking a last-second shot over Kobe Bryant

[Big Cat asks: Who would you rather have taking that last shot?] Robert. Robert, yeah, Big Shot Bob. Big Shot Bob. There was never any doubt at the end of the game. He could have three points that game, and he had the ball, he was going to make it.

Jason Kidd is a bad coach

I don't understand what the Lakers are doing. Their obsession with Jason Kidd is very bizarre. Jason Kidd is a bad coach. He's a bad coach.

Jon Snow is responsible for the massacre at King's Landing because he wouldn't sleep with Daenerys

Jon Snow should get some of this blame because if he just had sex with her, she probably wouldn't have gone crazy. Exactly. Just sack up and fuck your aunt and save millions of lives... You can flip out while you watch a city burn and be like, we shouldn't be doing this. Or you can just squeeze off a nut the night before.

Brad Stevens was labeled a 'genius' by the media far too early in his career.

Brad Stevens' biggest issue is that he was inaugurated a genius too early. Like he was called a genius basically from winning nothing... the national media had him as, like, Pop.

Brad Stevens is still a top-three coach in the NBA despite the Celtics' struggles.

I still think Brad Stevens is probably top three coach in the league. And then there's the whole part of managing egos.

The speed at which an NFL team's offensive linemen chug beers at other local sporting events correlates directly to that team's success.

I think that the speed at which offensive linemen pound beers at other teams' sporting events has a direct correlation to how successful that team is. Remember the Nashville Predators when they had Taylor Lewan... I'm officially upgrading McGlinchey to a tackle from a guard. I think he showed me something.

Modern baseball players lifting heavy weights leads to more oblique and muscle injuries compared to the past.

Aaron Judge, someone wrote an article that said it's because they lift too many weights... Baseball players look like linebackers... I personally [think it has something to do with higher injury], yeah, with all the obliques and stuff like that.

If modern teams used the defensive shift against George Brett, he would have hit .450.

If they put the shift on me, I'm not bullshitting you. I'd hit 450. Because I could hit a ground ball to the shortstop or third baseman whenever I wanted... I stood far enough off the plate that it didn't matter.

Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez should not be in the Hall of Fame.

[Barry Bonds, in or out?] Out. Alex Rodriguez. Oh. [Steroid era guys] had already broke my record... they were always saying, if they let these guys in, I'm never coming back. And I respect their opinion.

It is better to spend big on top-tier free agents than to sign middle-market players who hamstring a team's salary cap.

I think that it's often better to play at the top of the free agent market than in the middle. In the middle, the Tyler Chatwoods are the real signings that kind of hamstring the team in the long run. And, you know, you can't criticize Yu Darvish without also saying, Oh, John Lester, it's worked out great for the Cubs.

The Chicago Cubs organization banned the 'circle game' fan without a proper investigation to gain positive PR.

If the Cubs didn't actually investigate it and they were like, hey, we can get a quick fucking W here before we have Addison Russell, who is a shitty person... Cubs, if you didn't actually, if Crane Kenney didn't actually investigate this, I fucking hope he did. Because if he didn't and he was just like, we got to catch a quick W right here. Yeah, that sucks.

Bill Belichick manipulated Sean McVay into watching too much film for Super Bowl LIII by praising his dedication.

I believe that Bill Belichick knew that [Sean McVay] was going to go and watch too much film... He's been calling Sean McVay all season long... Telling him stuff and being like, Sean, one thing I really admire about you is your dedication to film study.

Game of Thrones should end in a way that makes the most fans angry.

I'm at the point where I'm now rooting for them to do whatever will make people the most angry... I just want them to do whatever. There's a lot of things people are excited for, and I want them to fuck it all up.