Takes

Michael Jordan is the GOAT, followed closely by Kobe Bryant

I still have to give it to MJ. With a close Kobe second. It's hard for me playing the game right now to give a guy [LeBron James] that crown because I'm still in the game. And he's still in the game, too. I cannot do that.

Super teams threaten to water down the NBA

The only thing I just hope that doesn't happen is the league becomes watered down because so many teams are trying to create a super team to where you have 10 teams of the 30 having all the best players. And then what does that do with the rest of the league? Everyone else is tanking. That just hurts the NBA at the end of the day.

Super teams only work if stars are willing to be unselfish for the bigger picture

Everybody tries to create the Golden State Warriors basketball team. But the problem is you have to have the guys that are willing to still be the stars that they are, but unselfish. Those guys are unselfish... You put your ego aside for winning. If you can't get guys to buy in, it's not happening.

Allen Iverson was the toughest player I ever had to guard

[Question: Toughest guy to guard?] Allen Iverson.

Baseball should remove the catcher position for the first two strikes with no one on base

My idea was to just remove the catcher and put the catcher in the infield or the outfield against a batter when there's nobody on base for the first two strikes. Yeah, the umpire gets hit a few times with some fastballs or whatever, but you don't need a catcher. Like who cares if the game's delayed a little bit?

Philip Rivers is a better quarterback than Eli Manning

Philip Rivers, better quarterback than Eli Manning. Much better. Better career. More viral. I know the two Super Bowls... statisticaly, better quarterback.

Donante DiVincenzo and Matthew Dellavedova are the grittiest backcourt in history

I'm also psyched about the grittiest backcourt, perhaps, in NBA history with Dante DiVincenzo and Matthew Dellavedova. Ooh. Try driving to the hole and not drawing a charge with those two on the court... As owner of the New Zealand Breakers, I am entertaining trade discussions with the Bucks if they'd like to trade Dellavedova.

The NBA Finals celebration was a joke compared to the Stanley Cup Finals

Sick celebration that was at the end. Looked like they won that Saturday morning men's league that Big Cat plays in. But they won their NBA title. They're checking their phones to see how quickly they're on Instagram... Vegas, Washington had people on the edge of their seats. People were sleeping at the Golden State Warriors Arena. Snoozing if they won the title. What a league. What a joke.

NBA General Managers are dumb enough to be incepted into doing really weird things

NBA general managers we know from recent experience are dumb enough to be incepted into doing really weird things.

DeAndre Ayton signing with Puma is a major red flag

DeAndre Ayton, who signed with Puma. Red flag. So that's a red flag for you.

Being married for only two months shouldn't count as a divorce

That doesn't count as a divorce, by the way. Two months? Yeah. That's an annulment. You're married for two months. That's just like, okay, all parties admit a mistake.

Shaving your beard during a hitting slump means you're hiding something

Bruce [Bryce] Harper shaved his beard because he's in such a bad slump that he thought, hey, I'm just going to change up my look... Anytime someone's like, hey, I'm going to get a haircut, shaving your beard, you're hiding something.

Joining MMA classes is a major sign of a midlife crisis

I would say MMA classes are high up there for midlife crisis. And it would happen to me. I was like, you know what? I used to do this a little bit when I was younger... I signed up. I went to the class.

Getting a girlfriend half your age is a telltale sign of a midlife crisis

You got to get the young girlfriend that's like half your age and everyone looks at you like, what the fuck is going on there? Usually happens after a divorce, but that's a telltale sign for a midlife crisis.

Hanging out exclusively with dudes half your age is a sign of a midlife crisis

The last one is you start hanging out with younger dudes so you start hanging out with dudes that are half your age. You look around and no one who you went to college with is around you or any of your friends from your past.

Colangelo's burner accounts are the weirdest NBA storyline of the season

I still got to go with a general manager in the NBA getting fired for someone in his family, possibly him, burner tweeting his own players. Collar gate.

J.R. Smith throwing soup at Damon Jones is a weirder storyline than him forgetting the score in the Finals

J.R. Smith for getting the score in the finals is less crazy than J.R. Smith throwing a bowl of soup at an assistant coach in anger. [Big Cat: J.R. Smith throwing a bowl of soup at Damon Jones... that's my number one.]

Lonzo Ball's diss track on Kyle Kuzma was actually ruthless and pretty good

The diss track that Lonzo just dropped on Kyle Kuzma was actually ruthless and pretty good. [Rachel Nichols: You never knew who your dad was? Yeah. That was pretty good.]

Markelle Fultz forgetting how to shoot a basketball is one of the craziest stories in NBA history

Markelle Fultz just forgetting how to shoot a basketball... I feel like now because he seems like he's going to be okay, we've kind of lost how crazy that was. He doesn't play for the majority of the season because he just forgot how to shoot.

The Kawhi Leonard and Spurs 'injury management' saga is one of the weirdest stories of the season

Kawhi Leonard is the next weirdest storyline. He spent large chunks of time away from the team... Tony Parker comes out and says, I had the same injury, but a million times worse... Spurs were not putting him on the injury report as being hurt. They said, return from injury management.

LeBron James playing all 82 games at age 33 is highly suspicious

LeBron James, 33 years old, 15 years in the league, played all 82 games. Seems like his durability's going up at 33. Most athletes, their durability goes down. [Implying HGH use].

The 'Elam Ending' is proof that the NBA 'nerds' have gone too far

I don't understand. This is when the nerds have gone too far, that they're coming up with these ideas. [PFT: It's a very smart move by Daryl Morey to change the entire rules of the game just to favor your team.]

Smelling your own farts is a valid form of medical self-care

When I'm smelling my fart, I'm actually... I am going to the doctor. Because, like, you know. You know when you're sick or something's not right. You can tell, basically, by your fart. So, if you care about self-care... you just let me smell my own farts.

I love the USGA for making courses so hard that millionaire athletes complain

I hope they [USGA] make every single course from now until the end of time the hardest course in the world, just so we can hear millionaire athletes say, this game has gotten too hard for us.

The Chicago Bears getting Jay Cutler was the worst trade of all time

So my worst trade of all time probably, I know this is my fourth, but it's really the worst, was the Chicago Bears getting Jay Cutler. Really bad trade. Very terrible trade.

LeBron James has the prototypical NBA body, not a super jacked one

LeBron's a big, strong guy, but he's not like... I feel like people think he's just jacked from head to toe, and I feel like he's got big shoulders. He's got the prototypical NBA body, like a smaller chest, skinny waist, and big arms.

I'm rooting for the course to beat the players at the U.S. Open

I actually love the course so much, I found myself chanting today in my head, go course, go. Go course, go. Because, like, the course – I mean, Bryson DeChambeau said it was clown golf. That's when you know a course has you, like, beat.

Shinnecock Hills is a very functional course, but it looks like shit

I love the course. Say what you want to say. Permission to speak freely. Yes. It looks like shit. It's not a good-looking course. But that's fine. It does its job. It's a very functional course.

Liverpool is the Baltimore of England

Liverpool was a dark place, burning itself down. A bit like Baltimore. It's the Baltimore of England. ... And when I grew up, it was burning itself down under Margaret Thatcher.

Messi is the greatest footballer ever, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

I am always Team Messi. Always. Messi is the greatest footballer I have ever seen in my life for so many different reasons.

LeBron James would have been the greatest soccer player ever if he played as a kid

If [LeBron James] played when he was a little kid, would he be the best ever? ... Muggsy Bogues could have been our Lionel Messi. Five foot six, innocuous looking, incredibly coordinated.

Big Cat is one of the worst owners in sports for what happened to Swansea City

I do believe Big Cat is one of the worst owners in sport. ... Swansea is an incredible community club that has just brought joy to the lives of thousands of Welsh humans over generations. And then in strolls, Big Cat... it's a tragedy what's happened to Swansea Football Club.

Stephen A. Smith's claim of being a 'bottom feeder' is problematic for not respecting the whole woman

Stephen A. Smith, problematic is the fact that you don't respect women because you should be boobs, butt, and brain. Three Bs. That's the original Big Baller brand. Why are you putting, a woman's body should be put on a pedestal?

Limit yourself to two fantasy football leagues; anything more and it's not fun anymore

Limit yourself to two fantasy football teams. So that's the perfect amount. Studies have shown that's the perfect amount of fantasy football leagues to be in anymore and it's not fun anymore.

The Warriors' owner took a direct shot at Kevin Durant by saying Steph Curry 'earned' his deal

[The Warriors owner] said Steph Curry, though, has earned the right to get whatever deal he wants because he's been there since when they were bad and saying that Steph Curry earned it, which is a direct shot at Kevin Durant.

A winning pitcher hugging a batter after a strikeout is a disgusting display of pity

This is disgusting. I would put one in that pitcher's ear hole next time he got up... That's a more disgusting move than pimping a home run. That's showing up your opponent more. Go up to him and be like, 'Hey, I'm going to give you a big hug because you can't handle this big loss.'

People who think Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James have a real basketball mind

people that love Jordan, it makes it obvious that you're just into the memes and that sort of thing. And those are the people that side with LeBron. That's how I know who actually has a basketball mind. Oh, you're going to do that? Like LeBron. Yeah, if you think Jordan's better, that's cool. Listen, you're going to like Jordan. It just tells me where you're at intellectually on a basketball level.

If Kevin Durant and LeBron James switched teams, the Warriors would still sweep the Finals

I think the Warriors win the title and sweep in the finals.

The Cavaliers would have beaten the Warriors if they had Draymond Green

I actually would say that if LeBron could even take Draymond Green from the Warriors, the Cavs would win. ... I think what [Draymond] does for the Warriors, and if you had a guy like that on the Cavs, I think they would have had enough to beat the Warriors.

If the Blazers had drafted Kevin Durant over Greg Oden, they still wouldn't have won any titles and KD would have left anyway

if they take KD [in Portland]... then they don't win any titles, and then he leaves. How is KD's situation in Portland any different than what it was in OKC? It wasn't. He still wouldn't have won any titles. He would have left. That's my two cents on that.

There is no one in the world who can beat me in a combined competition of every single sport

It also helps my longstanding theory that there is no one in the world who can beat me in every single sport. I'm talking every single sport, like darts, skiing... [Justify] can't beat me in basketball... I'll cross him up.

The Imagine Dragons performance placed a curse on the Vegas Golden Knights

I told you there was a curse, man [the Imagine Dragons curse]. They need to exercise those demons, and I think the only way they can do that is by writing a song with us.

No one in sports has it better than Steph Curry right now

It's actually a perfect, no one has it better in sports than Steph Curry right now. [He invites superstars to his team], Philly will love Joel Embiid more than they will love LeBron. And LeBron will take all the heat if things go south.

The Pardon My Take interview with Theo Epstein in early 2017 caused the Cubs to fail in their title defense

If we had a general manager... like Theo Epstein, and we talked to him, do you think that there would be a little bit of dissent in the Cubs clubhouse... and maybe they play a little less hard that year and maybe not win the World Series again?

Kobe Bryant is not the GOAT and he thinks he's too smart

I'm a big Lakers fan, but I don't think Kobe's the GOAT. Kobe bugs the shit out of him. He thinks he's so smart. That's what really bugs me, is he thinks he's really smart.

A cup becomes a bowl once it is wider than it is long

I think it's when it's wider than it is long. When it becomes a chode. When it's a chode, it's a bowl.

If Alex Ovechkin wins the Stanley Cup, he might be the GOAT

If [Ovechkin] gets the Stanley Cup, which would be his third Stanley Cup in this playoffs, you've got to say, is he the GOAT? He might be. GOAT Vetchkin? It's either him or Gretzky.

The NFL has a 'charity problem'

I'm going to go as far to say, does the NFL have a charity problem? Might be. Might be. Let's look into that.

Darren Rovell officially killed 69 jokes

Rovell has caught on... He did it on the Browns to win the Super Bowl, $6.90. And get this, the ticket writer laughed no less than three times... This is like when your parents figure out how to text emojis... it just kind of all loses its luster.

The best way to kill a stale joke is to have Darren Rovell use it

The best way to kill a joke... the best way to kill that would be to have Darren Rovell just hop all over, and then everybody just... so it's dead.