Takes

I will highly suggest my kids do not play football because it is an extremely dangerous sport

Not a chance. No, no, no way, man... I'm just going to highly suggest that they don't... There's no point for you to do so... This is a, it's an extremely dangerous sport... I took all those hits. I sacrificed. I may develop CTE in my life. There's no telling.

The NCAA system for athletes is a form of indentured servitude

No, that's indentured servitude. If you go to Google, just look up indentured servitude and you'll find that exact definition... The NCAA is the only establishment where their interns are their product. It's the most ridiculous, backwards, twisted system of in existence.

Russell Wilson is lying when he claims God speaks to him directly

Are you saying that when Russell Wilson says that... God spoke to him as he was walking to the sidelines... you don't think that that was actually God talking to him? You're calling him a liar? [Foster]: Yeah, I am, actually. I don't think that we have an intervening divine presence in our universe at this moment... I don't believe your claim.

Wolves are not as tough as people make them out to be

I don't think wolves are as tough as we make them out to be. I think we just built up this prestige of them in our heads.

Joel Osteen manipulates people by 'selling hope'

I've read my fair share of the Bible, man, and Jesus specifically preached about being rich... It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom... You have private jets. You have, like, a mansion. Like, that's not the life that Jesus taught... you are selling hope. And I feel like any time you sell hope, you're manipulating people.

I support Big Baller Brand and the Ball family's mindset

I bought three pairs of Big Baller Brand shoes... I love their mind frame, man. Their mindset is going to do it our way, so I support that... It's all about small business. Big business is ruining America... so support small business.

Cash is the greatest Christmas gift you can ever give

So the real answer here is cash. All boyfriends want cash. They want cold, hard cash... Cash is the greatest gift you could ever give... When you open up a card, you're expecting cash in there. Put the fucking cash in there.

Any head coach who goes 0-16 should be permanently disqualified from coaching again

I personally think if you go 0-16 as an NFL head coach, you should be permanently disqualified from ever being a head coach again for any team.

Never trust a man with a ponytail

Ponytails feel like a big red flag to me. As a dude with long hair, I go out of my way to not wear a ponytail ever... Never trust a ponytail.

Alex Guerrero is the head of a Tom Brady cult

[Alex Guerrero] is basically Tom Brady's cult leader. Tom Brady has a cult that he is the head of, but the real head of his cult is this quack. And so the only member of the cult is also Tom Brady.

The coaching disparity between Bill Belichick and Mike Tomlin is the most stark in the NFL

I also think there's never been a more marquee matchup in the last decade where teams have met up in big games and the coaching disparity is more stark between Mike Tomlin and Bill Belichick.

Josh Cribbs was the best returner I ever played against

I would say at the time, Josh Cribbs. He was the guy, like, once I got to the locker room after the game, I'm like, man, did he take a point back today? Did he take a kick back? So I would go look him up and see how he did.

Matt Ryan is the best all-around quarterback I ever played with

I would say... Matt Ryan. The time I did, it was just because it's the type of player he was. He was a quarterback on and off the field... he treated the scout team like he was a starter... all-around, the all-around best quarterback I ever played with.

I believe ghosts are real

I actually completely believe this. Like, I'm a big ghost guy. I believe ghosts. If you don't believe ghosts, I think you're full of shit. And, I mean, we saw a ghost in Miami.

Russell Wilson is better than Matthew Stafford because Stafford was drafted higher

I actually came up with a couple reasons why I might agree with [Andy Benoit]. Number one, Stafford was drafted first overall. So Russell Wilson was in the third round. This is called the Kevin White law. If you're saying that Russell Wilson is better, then that's a slap in the face to all the people that do mock drafts... Number two, he gets paid more. Matt Stafford gets paid more. So are you saying that capitalism is a flawed system?

LaVar Ball is the living embodiment of my 'future me' theory

He is the living embodiment of future me. Yes. Because he, his, his theory is as long as I never admit anything's wrong, then nothing's wrong. Right. Exactly.

Curling is an exciting sport

I don't think it's boring. I think it's very exciting... but curling is chess on ice.

The Seahawks are the sorriest losers in the NFL

The Seahawks, though, can we just say that they're the sorriest losers of all time? That team, I don't know why they get a pass... That team is a fucking bunch of babies.

Colt McCoy is 75% of the quarterback Kirk Cousins is

I think Colt McCoy is about 75% of what Kirk Cousins is. So that's like... 40% of a franchise quarterback.

Steve Young essentially disappeared from the team for months after getting injured in San Francisco

I've been in situations where... I was backing up Steve Young. All of a sudden Steve Young goes down in San Francisco and he kind of disappeared for a couple months. You never saw him around the locker room, never saw him in the meeting rooms... we could have utilized his knowledge and experience, but he had his own stuff that he was going through.

Terrell Owens' mood in the locker room depended entirely on his personal statistics rather than team wins

[Terrell Owens] was the type of guy that, like, if he didn't get a lot of opportunities to make plays and we won the game, he was kind of over there not real thrilled about it. But if he put up a 15-catch game and we lose, you see him there with a smile. So what does that tell you about kind of their mentality?

Tom Brady hates your fantasy team and intentionally performs poorly during the playoffs

Tom Brady has a very suspiciously poor performance in games that are right in the smack dab middle of fantasy football playoffs... So he hates your fantasy team. Tom Brady hates your fantasy team. It actually, it would not shock me if this was a New England Patriots strategy to do nothing but just fuck with people that play fantasy football.

Derek Jeter is going to look 'really fucking ugly' if he gains 15 more pounds

Derek Jeter, by the way, he's one of those guys that if he puts on another 10 or 15 pounds, he's going to be really fucking ugly. Because when you get the bald head and then you get the big cheeks, it's bad. You need hair if you're fat.

Most men who appear on The Bachelorette are 'betas'

And most of those dudes [on The Bachelorette] are betas... I tell everybody, if I was on that season, I would have liked Chad... The things that he was saying was pretty true.

Derek Jeter is a sleeper cell/traitor to the Marlins

Derek Jeter still works for the Yankees. I don't even think that's a hot take to say that... Because it's commonly accepted as the fact that Derek Jeter is a traitor to the Marlins organization.

Ted Turner is not an alpha male

Ted Turner's not an alpha male? I don't think so... Ted had too much coverage, had too many things to govern, and he assigned them to people.

Paul Heyman is the best talking personality in wrestling by far

Paul Heyman [cuts the best promo in the game]. Without a doubt, by far. And the other guys that are on the roster would be well served to pay attention to every word he says... He's the best talking personality in wrestling, in my view, by far.

The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak is the second-greatest streak in sports history

Undertaker's number two all-time streak for me. Sports streak... I rank it just ahead of Joe DiMaggio's hit streak and just below those UCLA teams [under John Wooden].

Matt Ryan fucking stinks

what we learned is everyone's fantasy teams went down the tubes during the playoffs and Matt Ryan fucking stinks.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Gonzaga is America's team because everyone's main team is secondary to them

I would describe us [Gonzaga] as America's team because we're always like, right? You have your main team, but everybody kind of cheers for Gonzaga, right?

LeBron James doesn't actually know what he wants to do in free agency yet

I'll give you an honest answer. I don't think LeBron knows what he wants to do. ... Like, I think at this point he has no – I think he's – I honestly don't think in his heart of hearts he knows what he wants to do.

A major college basketball coach always knows when players are getting paid

There's no way a coach of a major program doesn't know exactly what's going on at his program. 100%. Totally agree. ... Especially with the sneaker companies doing that type of stuff, you have to kind of know that somebody's getting greased on the backside.

Marquette has the worst campus in America

The two shittiest campuses in America to go to school, in my opinion, would be Marquette and Purdue. Marquette is trash. ... Marquette, I think, was the worst place I went.

Mike Mitchell saved football by blaming Andy Dalton's poor play for dangerous hits

Mike Mitchell from the Pittsburgh Steelers went on an awesome rant, basically saving football. ... Where the genius comes in is he basically said it's not that hitting in the head is a problem. It's that Andy Dalton sucks at football.

Football is inherently violent and trying to make it safe is a contradiction

And the fact that they've tried to change the rules means that they've conditioned us to think that football can be safe. And football is just not going to be safe. That's why it's an alpha males game.

Ben McAdoo changing his hair from the goofy cut to the slick-back style caused his demise with the Giants

I would have liked to see year three Ben McAdoo's hair because he went from the goofy haircut that we all made fun of to the slick back like Joe Cool, Ryan Grigson flip phone hair, which is partly why he had his demise, because he changed his hair.

Hugging in the workplace is creepy and should be abolished

I think the only thing that's more creepy than hugging somebody at work is writing an article complaining about not being able to hug people at work anymore. ... Hugging sucks. I disavow hugging in general. Fuck hugs.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

The NFL hiring cycle is just old GMs hiring their friends from their physical Rolodexes

Ernie Acorsi, because he is now, this is a fun thing that happens in football, when you fire someone for being shitty at football, you hire someone who's been in the NFL forever to go find the next person, and he just hires his friends.

Left-handed quarterbacks have 'lefty swag' and being a lefty is awesome

I think being a lefty is fucking awesome, dude. ... We got lefty swag. ... I know what it takes [to look good throwing], but I will say this. ... [Alex Hornibrook] has got a funky delivery, doesn't he?

The 'beer bong' photo in Arizona was harmless and unfairly maligned, but it might have changed the path of my NFL career

Harmless. I'm 22 in my house in my backyard. Completely harmless. ... And probably changed the path of my career, which is crazy. ... With Ken Whisenhunt and just how it was portrayed because I just thought I was like—first of all, I should have had a rager if that was going to happen.

Alabama only made the College Football Playoff because of their name, not because they are better than Ohio State

I don't think Alabama is unequivocally better than Ohio State. I just haven't seen that from Alabama this year. I think they're great, but I think they're in because of who they are. And I think winning a conference championship at some point should matter.

LeVar Ball is a mastermind at putting out 'hater bait' to control the news cycle

LeVar Ball at this point, he's just masterful. He's just putting out hater bait for everyone. He's just like, go ahead. I'm going to pull my son out because we haven't been in the news cycle for maybe 24 hours. And then everyone's going to get mad.

Every man in the world farts when they pee in the morning

Every time he pees in the morning, he farts and then laughs to himself. ... Do all guys do this? Yes. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. ... That's how every guy ever wakes up.

I would rather root for a team that loses in the big game than one that never makes it

I still think I would take a team that's consistently – I would rather be in the big game and lose the big game than never sniff the big game. I can't imagine being a fan of Vanderbilt football.

The Big Ten Championship game should be played outdoors to neutralize speed and favor Big Ten style football

It's kind of stupid that the Big Ten... plays a championship game indoors, don't you think? I think speed should be neutralized. That's probably why Wisconsin lost. Maybe play it in cold, like gross field. ... That's football. Nobody likes offense anyways.

Thursday Night Football is garbage and destroys player safety

It's the worst shit ever. It's so stupid. They could take Thursday Night Football and stick it right up their ass. Let's fuck up everybody's preparation. Let's have guys who are hurt playing on four days rest. It's just bullshit, you know?

USC should have been ranked ahead of Ohio State in the final playoff rankings

USC... should have at least been discussed. They should have been ahead of Ohio State in some ways. And that's really what it comes down to, big losses. ... West Coast bias is back, officially back.

Quarterbacks who throw bad spirals are actually harder to intercept

There are a lot of quarterbacks out there that don't throw a good spiral, and it makes them tougher to intercept.