Takes

Tennessee missed out by not hiring Jeff Brohm

Brohm, he's a good coach, man. I like him... I think [hiring him] would have been an awesome hire.

The Bears would have had a better chance to win the 2010 NFC Championship if they played Caleb Hanie earlier

We'd have had a better chance of winning [the 2010 NFC Championship], no question. [If Lovie Smith went straight to Caleb Hanie].

Wearing sleeves in the cold is weak for an NFL player

That is so weak, man... I am [calling Kyle Long weak]. That's weak, dog. Next time I see him, [I'll say it to his face].

Pittsburgh might be the Garden of Eden

I've said it before about Pittsburgh, three rivers meeting, the Garden of Eden in the Bible. It was at the connection of three rivers. Pittsburgh might be the Garden of Eden.

The CFP committee got the rankings exactly right

I actually think they got it exactly right. I think Wisconsin should be four. I think Alabama should be five. And that, like, Ohio State, Miami, like, it feels like all those teams, they could probably leapfrog, but they're outside looking in. Like, that's exactly where they should be.

Lacrosse is booming and the sales are up

My cool throne is lacrosse. Nike chairman Phil Knight, he was commenting on the Duke Florida game the other day, and he said, lacrosse is growing. So the sales are up. They're growing, not a show. Business is booming.

The internet is worse for your brain than football

The internet is worse for your brain than football. The internet is tough... it's a tough place. And when you get into the annals of the internet, there's some bad shit happening.

College football has lost its mind if Arizona State hires Herm Edwards

College football has officially lost its mind. When Herm Edwards gets involved, college football has officially lost its mind.

Florida State is a much better program than Texas A&M

Isn't Florida State a much better football program? Why would you leave Florida State to go to A&M?

Roger Goodell has lost control of the NFL if teams can refuse to wear Color Rush

If Roger Goodell can't make teams wear color rush, then he has lost the NFL... He has absolutely no power whatsoever. If the NFL owners are savaging him and just going against his wishes, the inmates are running the prison.

LeBron James got ejected from a blowout to stat pad and hit the showers early

LeBron got thrown out for the first time in his career for using foul language, complaining about a call in the fourth quarter of a blowout win. Why would he even care at that point? Stat padding? Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark.

You have at least 45 minutes of driving left once you think you need to use the bathroom

The minute you think you have to go to the bathroom, you have at least 45 more minutes. So that's really like... if someone is a small bladder, a little pee boy... you need to just be like, listen, man, I'm just going to keep going.

Mel Kiper would be the ultimate road trip partner because he never pulls over to use the bathroom

Mel Kiper on a road trip would be the ultimate road dog. Just pumpkin pie and not pissing. Never pulling over.

If you don't take a football road trip in college, you ruined your experience

If you were in college right now and listening to this... if you don't take a road trip with all your friends to an away football game, you have ruined your own college experience. That's the best time.

Gus Malzahn looks like Marlon's man's lawyer

I take one look at Gus Malzahn and I think there's no way that this guy is a successful college coach... he looks like Marlon's man's lawyer. Like, if the lawyer had a lawyer, he would look like Gus Malzahn.

No business gets done in America during November and December

No business gets done in the months of November, December in America. No business really gets done in March because of March Madness. Then April, the start of summer vacation season is usually June 3rd through August, let's say. So really, if you don't get any work done September, October, February, or March... yeah, then you pretty much screwed.

Playing on Thanksgiving is a vacation for Philip Rivers from his nine children

I bet Philip Rivers is so happy this year that he doesn't have to sit down at a table with his nine children for Thanksgiving. Getting to play a day game on Thanksgiving for Philip Rivers is basically a vacation for him.

Trump is like Machiavelli

I gave a, yeah... Trump is like Machiavelli... The Little Prince.

Kyrie Irving is significantly better than Isaiah Thomas

I think we need to find every single person who thought that the Kyrie trade wasn't good and ban them from ever watching basketball again. Because Kyrie Irving is so fucking good. And all the people that flipped out about Fultz... Kyrie Irving is... he was finishing at the rim in ways that it took my breath away.

Only America should celebrate Thanksgiving

I agree. I think it's an American tradition. I mean, because it was the pilgrims and the Indians like sitting down and having dinner together and kind of somewhat working out the deal of how we're going to take their land.

Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world

I'm going stuffing. I fucking love stuffing. Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world. Why don't we eat stuffing every day? Make the turkey out of the stuffing. It's so good.

Ray Allen needs sex and internet rehab

Because he's a repeat offender now, and he's having this many difficulties, I think therapy is the only way he can get out of this. He needs to go to rehab. He needs to go to internet slash sex rehab. It worked for Tiger. Just say you're a sex addict.

NASCAR drivers should be allowed to wreck cars during high-speed police chases

The only sweet move I've ever seen while driving on the road was literally a police chase that passed me. I so wanted to wreck him. Because I knew... I'm like, I wanted to wreck the shit out of this guy. I know how to wreck someone safely. [PFT says I should be deputized] I agree. That would be so awesome and I'm going to work on that.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is a 'good, not great' driver

[Big Cat asks if they let him win once a year] Is that true? No. You sure? No. He's good. Good, not great.

Tom Brady is a dorky guy in the locker room

Kind of like a dorky-ish kind of guy, actually. You see him in all his little commercials and he's always James Bond up... But you get him back in the locker room, man. He's shooting the crap with us, going through Instagram, making fun... Scrolling down that thing just like us.

Bill Belichick is a genius who could be a Fortune 500 CEO

This dude like went to school and should be like a governor or like a Fortune 500 company genius type guy. That's a football coach. He is football. He's become a football. I don't know... his body is shaped like a football.

I would be able to play in any era of the NFL

I would think that I could play in any era, whether it's the old era or the new era. I would think I could play in either one. Of course, the game has changed a lot since I was playing it, and I would be hampered a little bit that you can't actually hit nobody anymore.

Rob Gronkowski is 'stealing' in the NFL because of the rules

What Gronkowski is doing is absolutely stealing in the NFL. Bill Belichick, he's a smart coach. He knows the rules and he makes sure the rules benefit him at all times. Because there's no way Gronkowski is supposed to be sitting in the slot and you're not able to reroute him. You get killed like that.

Quarterbacks are not a threat once you dominate them

I never hated quarterbacks. Guys like Ron Jaworski, Randall Cunningham, these guys were sacked more times than any other player. They're not a threat to you because you dominated them. Why would you hate a quarterback if you just constantly dominate them?

Winning a match at WrestleMania was more fun than winning a Super Bowl

I love Super Bowl, but WrestleMania was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun.

Baker Mayfield needs to stop apologizing for being the bad guy

Baker Mayfield could be the most celebrated college quarterback, but he keeps apologizing. He apologizes so quickly that it's not fun. Baker, part of being the bad guy is you don't apologize. Before the game even ended, he had the fucking tweet that was written out. No, you don't [want to be a role model]. You want to hold your dick in front of Kansas when you put up 40 on them.

Kevin Durant is currently like a divorced dad with visitation rights to the torch in Oklahoma City

So Kevin Durant did an interview today, and he said that when he hit that three in the NBA Finals, that to him felt like a pass the torch moment. But also in the interview, he says that he's still OKC. So his blood is still Oklahoma City. So the way I'm reading this is that the torch now, it belongs to Kevin Durant, but it resides in Oklahoma City. So Kevin Durant has visitation rights to the torch at his old place. He's like a divorced dad.

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad. That's the part that he was born to play. ... Every day, Wingo should just sit down and be like, what's up, gang? Hey, chief. Hey, buddy. Hey, slugger. Hey, want to talk about puberty?

The WNBA offers the biggest advantage for professional sports bettors

What's the sport with the best advantage for the gambler? [Big Cat asks] It used to be college basketball. It's getting harder and harder. Right now, it's probably the WNBA. Ooh, yeah. It's a huge one for professional bettors. They love it. The bookmakers don't pay that much attention to it, so the wise guys feel like they get an advantage.

Peyton Manning ruined the Colts and Broncos franchises because he covered up their lack of talent

I blame Peyton Manning is what I do... I think Peyton Manning has currently ruined two franchises. At least Indianapolis and Denver. ... What has happened is like he is so advanced in understanding what you're trying to do to him as a defense that basically he takes marginal players... four and 12 talent or eight and eight talent and makes it 12 and four every year. And so you as a general manager, as a franchise, I get a little bit more enamored with your talent than you should be... all of a sudden that guy leaves and you realize we suck.

Tom Izzo is an overrated basketball coach

I've gotten some flack for starting the Coach Izzo is overrated take that we have. ... Let me tell you guys something. If you're maybe new to the show or if you're not familiar with the biz, this is what's called squatting on a take. The take might not be true yet, but it's going to be true one day.

Crime reports should always include which sports team the criminal supports

Every time a crime's committed in America, every time there's a report about it in the news, they should just say what teams the people who committed the crimes liked. That'd be great. ... It just adds like a little bit of levity to every headline that you get. Like Steelers fan murdered his whole family. ... Classic Steelers. So funny.

College basketball point spreads are constantly ruined by excessive fouling at the end of games

In college basketball, they will foul until the end of time, and every single point spread will be ruined. A team could be down four points with 30 seconds left... they will foul until the end of time, and every single point spread will be ruined.

Tom Izzo is an overrated basketball coach

Yes, and let's not forget it's also the start of Coach [Tom] Izzo's overrated season. We were the first ones on that bandwagon like a year and a half ago, so I'm going to restake my claim on that.

USA Soccer is off the hook for missing the World Cup because Italy missed it too

USA Soccer is officially on the cool throne because Italy did not make the World Cup either. And that's like a big deal... we're off the hook, though. Because this is like the hottest chick who didn't make the ball... we can laugh and be like, no, those guys actually try, and they suck. It's not us.

Ryan Switzer is a 'swaggy' player to watch out for

I like that little [Ryan] Switzer guy. He's swaggy out there. Beasley, he's been balling for a few years now, and he's created his niche.

Blogging is just as hard of a sport as playing professional football

I think blogging is just as hard of a sport as football. My brain is mush. There's going to be a class action lawsuit of all the bloggers in 30 years because we've all just been playing with a concussion for the last decade.

Rob Gronkowski is a genius who is very calculated about his public persona

Gronk's really good with numbers, and I'm not lying... He can remember, like, plays and, like, or, like, where guys are drafted, this, that... Gronk's real calculated with with with his whole persona man. He knows that he's just the Gronk and like he can play it out and he knows when to play it out and all that stuff.

Jimmy Garoppolo is a heartthrob, Tom Brady is handsome, and Danny Amendola is hot

Jimmy G's like heartthrob. I'd say Tom [Brady]'s like handsome. [Danny] Amendola's like hot.

Pizza Hut is a better pizza chain than Papa John's

Papa John's or Pizza Hut, what's better? Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut buffet is actually the answer. Fun fact.

Old Coldplay is great, but new Coldplay sucks

Old Coldplay, not new Coldplay. New Coldplay sucks. Old Coldplay fucking [is great].

Men are the persecuted gender because male animals have to bear the burden of looking attractive in nature

Add up all the animals in the world, and we actually are the persecuted animals. Yes. We're the persecuted gender. The male.

Ben Roethlisberger fakes a limp whenever he feels tired or cold

When he feels tired, Ben's like, I got a limp... somewhere in the back of his lizard brain, it's like, you need to show these people that you're injured... He's not smart enough to fake a limp, but [it's his] lizard brain.

Lefty quarterbacks suck at throwing the football

Horny Brook [Alex Hornibrook], there's something about him when he passes. He's terrible. He's got that weird left. He's a lefty. The way that he passes with his left hand just doesn't look natural. Lefties suck at throwing the football.

Facial expressions in impressions are a 'cheat' to make people believe the voice is better

The facial stuff is all a cheat. If you can do the mannerisms and the stuff with your face, it's a total cheat to get people to believe the voice is better than it is because people will start to see.