Takes

The World Cup trophy is great because it uses actual gold instead of fake materials

I actually like the World Cup ball. Anytime you can incorporate just actual gold into a trophy instead of this fake stuff that we see. I'm a gold standard guy.

The Lombardi Trophy is the toughest trophy in sports to win

My number one is the Lombardi, actually. Toughest trophy in all sports to get.

LeBron James's legacy is intact only because the Cavaliers avoided a sweep

The two other stories we had, one is because the Cavs didn't get swept, LeBron's legacy is intact. It's a lot of legacy talk. If you get swept, the legacy is out.

Michael Vick revolutionized video games by making custom quarterbacks unnecessary

Michael Vick was... basically whenever you would play Madden and you'd create your own video game player for quarterback, then Michael Vick came along and you just didn't have to do that anymore. You just play with Michael Vick.

The NBA Finals are a sideshow circus off the court

Once you get to the finals, it becomes... a sideshow circus off the court. It's like everyone you've ever known all of a sudden is your best friend and wants tickets. Every basketball media outlet in the entire world is focused on this one game, this one series, and then it crosses over into pop culture.

LeBron James is a murderer and a scary dude on the basketball court

His intensity was night and day. Not just his intensity and his competitiveness. I mean, he has a killer instinct. He's a killer out there. He'll tear your head off and dunk it... He's an intense, scary dude. You don't want to get in his way.

The Ray Allen Game 6 shot in 2013 was the worst loss of my entire life

That Ray Allen shot and that loss was the worst loss in my entire life, easily... It was over. We won the championship. And then, bam, we missed free throws. They get offensive rebounds. They hit a couple threes, ending with that Ray Allen one. And we lost the game, and it was, like, just so crushing.

Celebrating a tie in soccer is un-American and makes me want to puke

The amount of celebration over a tie makes me want to puke... Very un-American. We play to win the game. That's why we've won every war we've ever been in. That's America.

You cannot be the GOAT of tennis if your specialty is clay

I don't think that you can be GOAT if your specialty is the clay. It's like basically Steph Curry using the three-point shot as his crutch. If we want to get into it, really the goat should just be the best player on grass.

The GOAT of tennis should be the best player on grass because real goats live on grass

Really the goat should just be the best player on grass. [PFT]: Yeah, Wimbledon. Because goats live on grass. So Rafa [Nadal], I guess, sure. I don't know.

Sebastian Telfair should become a Second Amendment advocate to crowdsource his legal fees

Just become a big Second Amendment guy... If I know one thing about the Make America Great Again crowd, they will throw money behind people that they support. If Sebastian Telfair starts a Kickstarter online being like, my Second Amendment rights were infringed, he'll earn like $500,000 in legal fees overnight.

It is a social law that you are allowed to say mean things about the Kardashians

Jeff Van Gundy needs to realize that like we've a long time ago made it kind of like a social norm that you can say anything mean about the Kardashians. It's okay. That's just become an internet law... That's the social contract we have all signed a long time ago.

The torch has officially been passed from LeBron James to Kevin Durant

I am under the theory now that the torch has not only been passed, but it's comfortably sitting in Kevin Durant's mom's house. She has it on the mantle.

Lincoln Riley is the ultimate football guy name

That is the ultimate football guy name, isn't it? I think that Lincoln Riley is a perfect head coach name, especially for the middle of nowhere Oklahoma.

You should only ask a new date to a wedding if it doesn't require a flight and hotel

If [the wedding is] in the city you both live in, then I don't think there's ever a too soon. If it's a flight and a hotel room, you're probably going to want to wait a month or two. Because... one or two months in, that's not a we can poop in front of each other [stage].

Buying a trampoline for your kids is like buying a gun range for your family

Buying a trampoline for your kids is a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. I can't stress... it's like buying a dizzy bat race slash gun range for your family. That's how bad it's going to be. Everyone's going to get hurt.

The ultimate parenting life hack is buying a trampoline for your neighbor's kids

Here's really what the life hack is right here. Buy your neighbor a trampoline for his kids... He can fucking assemble it. He can hurt his grass. And now your kid is not around anymore. Just tramp cuck him.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have the worst hair of any team in NBA history

It just occurred to me, the Cavaliers are probably the NBA team with the worst hair of all time, and they're matched up against the team [Warriors] with the worst facial hair of all time.

J.J. Watt rejected the Top 100 players list only to show everyone how humble he is

J.J. responded to it and said, I only played three games last year. What a joke this list is. So J.J. gets it. He's going to make sure that everybody knows how humble he is. And he's rejecting the title of a top 100 player. While also letting everyone know that he made the top 100 list.

If LeBron James gets in a fight when he is horny, it is not his fault

Cool throne, the Ryan Brothers... everyone knows if you get in a fight because you were horny, it doesn't really count. It's not a fight... if you get in a fight when you're horny, it's not your fault.

The 1990s Bulls would beat the 2017 Warriors if played under 90s rules

The Warriors are built for an era where there's no handshaking, where the defensive rules are different. If they played during the Bulls 90s era, I think the Bulls team was built for those rules. So they would win.

The 2017 Warriors feel more overwhelming than the 2016 version because of how Kevin Durant changed their chemistry

The two games of last year's finals, the Warriors actually won by more. But for some reason, this just feels so much more overwhelming with the way Kevin Durant has changed the chemistry of that team.

Hockey is the only sport that truly has karma

Hockey is the only sport that I think truly has karma. That's a fact. Yeah, I can go with that one.

College and high school baseball coaches belong to the same 'phylum' as football strength coaches

College baseball coaches and high school baseball coaches are under the same phylum as football strength coaches. They're very similar. They're very similar species... They share 98% of the genetics, but the 2% that they don't share makes them a little bit different.

Men stay in the bathroom for 45 minutes just to avoid being nagged by their partners

The real answer, to answer your question, female listener, is we spend that much time in the bathroom because that's the only place you can't nag us. We're avoiding you.

A guy who is 'over the top nice' early in a relationship is hiding something

If he's over the top nice, if he's buying you stuff constantly and flowers and writing you cards, he's probably hiding something. Because no guy after three or four dates is going to keep putting in that amount of effort. Or he's too clingy... If he keeps pouring it on, he's probably hiding something. That's a fuckboy.

Millennials are responsible for Applebee's going out of business because they dislike chain restaurants

Millennials are being blamed for Applebee's going out of business because they don't like to eat at chain restaurants. So shout out to us. We are at all actually millennials. ... PFT and I are like on the cusp of millennials. We do like chain restaurants.

Phil Mickelson is skipping the U.S. Open for his daughter's graduation to mock Tiger Woods' lack of a family life

Phil is saying he's not going to play in the U.S. Open because his daughter is giving the commencement speech at her high school graduation. ... Phil's like, oh, I'm not only healthy enough to play in tournaments, I'm just now saying I'm not going to play because I love my family so much. ... [He's] twisting the knife a little bit.

Cheer shorts are officially back

I told you, I think about a year ago today, I said cheer shorts were back. ... I saw somebody wearing shorts the other day that had cheer written across the bottom. So they're back.

LeBron James ruined the competitiveness of the NBA and deserves to be swept

This fucking guy created this big three bullshit, this AAU friends and family banana boat in the summer bullshit. He started this shit. And now they created a big four... I hope they fucking swept. And then the nail will be in the fucking coffin. You're not like Mike. You're never going to be like fucking Mike.

Five Kurt Rambises with LeBron's brain would beat five Kurt Rambises with Michael Jordan's brain

Because it's slower and LeBron clearly has the size advantage... I just ran the numbers on my calculator, and I am going with LeBron on this. [Five Kurt Rambises with LeBron's brain versus five with MJ's brain]

Team LeBron/Ty Lue would beat Team MJ/Steve Kerr in a hypothetical 3v3 because Steve Kerr's back is too hurt to play

MJ with Steve Kerr when he was a player and Steve Kerr when he's a coach. ... Steve Kerr can't walk... MJ might punch him in the face, too. ... With the Steve Kerr injury, I will have to go reluctantly with the LeBron-Ty Lue team.

The Quicken Loans Arena atmosphere feels like a simulated PlayStation 2 game

It's like being in a PlayStation video game. It's weird. It's like everything was made... There's the noise meter and Loudville and these weird... It feels like everything was created in some simulation PlayStation 2 game.

Professional sports should allow players to fight one fan per year to keep them in check

Every single sport should allow a player to have one time a year where they can fight a fan. It would keep fans in check. You never know if you're going to be that guy... It's like, and then once you use it, then the fans can really go in on you because it's like, oh, he's already used his this year.

Free solo climbing El Capitan is a nightmare and a terrible way to exercise

The guy that free solo climbed El Capitan, which is like 3,000 feet of just straight up and down granite. Fuck that. ... Fuck exercising for four hours nonstop.

The Kardashian curse is responsible for Tristan Thompson's poor performance

By the way, speaking of rebounding, Tristan Thompson, four rebounds tonight. Did you also hear that Khloe Kardashian's going around saying she's pregnant with his baby? So the Kardashian curse remains undefeated.

Mike Vrabel is the smartest defensive player I ever played with

Vrabel's been, I mean, hands down the smartest defensive player I've ever played with. So I've always learned stuff from him, and he's very good at teaching.

Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time because he can relate to his players

It's a reason that he's one of the great – he is the greatest coach of all time because he can relate to his players.

Ed Reed was the most talented player on the 2001 Miami Hurricanes

[Big Cat]: 2001 Miami Hurricanes... Can you tell us who the best player on that team was being up close and personal with them? [Wilfork]: Probably Ed Reed.

The Mayweather vs. McGregor fight is all risk and no reward for the sport of boxing

If they have a boxing fight, it's basically all risk, no reward for the sport of boxing. Because if McGregor wins, then it's like, okay, MMA fighters are not only better, MMA fighters are better boxers. They could cuck themselves. And if Floyd Mayweather wins, it's like, well, no shit he wins. Boxing's really hard.

I have a twin who is an jacked Instagram model, and my life is a failure by comparison

Ken Jack, who helps out with this show, revealed my twin who is incredibly jacked and a muscle freak and an Instagram model. So Jimbo to me for spending the last five years getting increasingly fatter and making it super depressing when I see this guy who is awesome looking... owned my life.

Grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your results aren't being met

I think grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your potential is not being met or when the result is not being met in a particular time in life or in a particular moment... When things aren't going well, can you continue to play without being distracted, without letting doubts, without letting the doubters get in and knock you off your game?

Dwyane Wade and Victor Oladipo are the best and most versatile players I've coached

The best guys – were the most versatile guys because they made everybody else better. And I think the thing about a guy like Dwyane Wade, the thing about a kid like Victor [Oladipo], Jerel McNeal and Wes Matthews were like this for us at Marquette. Those guys didn't have to score and they didn't have to be making shots to have their presence felt in a big way.

LeBron James is in a unique ballpark of basketball intelligence

Dwyane said this about LeBron. Dwyane is very smart, incredibly smart player... Dwyane said, I'm smart. He said, I know I'm smart. I'm not even in the same ballpark as this guy. And he's pointing at LeBron in the sense of how smart he is on the court... LeBron's in a very, very unique place for his mindset.

Duke's 2015 comeback was due to Grayson Allen putting pressure on the whistle

Mike [Krzyzewski] really went into a complete, we're going to drive the ball game. He put a lot of pressure on the whistle... they have an incredible record when they were getting into the bonus at the 12-minute mark of each half... you could see it because they kept driving Grayson Allen from the left wing to the middle. It was the Grayson Allen coming out part of him. If he doesn't get them in the bonus that quick, it's a different game.

Rihanna's weight is the business of sports bloggers because she is part of their 'ecosystem' of content

Nowadays, the new hunting for guys is sitting behind computers and blogging about stuff... If you want us to take Rihanna's picture out of the ecosystem that's basically like committing a mass extinction on all the buffalo in the plains. Now we can't go out there and provide for our families. I think the real story here is about the plight of the sports bloggers.

Tiger Woods' DUI arrest gives him street cred

I didn't think that Tiger Woods could have any more street cred, but he certainly does now. Now he's got it all.

Lacrosse teams should just shoot the puck/ball more

I feel like they need to shoot more. I'm just going to say it. As a coach, if I was a coach of a lax team, I'd say just shoot. Shoot the puck a little bit more... Just put pucks on net.

I only have a Super Bowl ring because Jay Cutler got injured in the 2010 NFC Championship

I do thank Jay Cutler for getting hurt, and also B.J. Raji for being the fattest guy to ever score a touchdown in the NFC Championship... I think Aaron Rodgers is the only reason I have a Super Bowl ring, to be honest.

Justin Smith is the hardest player to block in NFL history

Currently Aaron Donald, all-time, probably Justin Smith... Dude, I mean, you can't judge toughness on a dude who has a giant Budweiser tattoo on his arm... Yeah, he was a bitch to block.