Takes

There should be a 'TopGolf' but for football

TopGolf. But for other sports... There should be TopGolf but for football. You're the quarterback... imagine you have a football, and then in front of you is this big field, and there are people that are running routes, and you can hit the receivers with passes... They keep score of every ball that you throw.

Green Bay should move the Packers franchise if they need gimmicks to get fans loud

It's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. [...] If you have to ask the Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise.

Restaurants should replace gumball machines with 'Tumball' machines filled with Tums

An idea that's just, instead of a gumball machine, just out in restaurants, have it just be filled with Tums... I would take one every single time, even if I didn't have heartburn, just like knowing you might get it later... Call it a Tumball machine.

The lottery would make significantly more money if they had a one-click app

Can you imagine how much money the lottery would make if they somehow just made an app that you can, with one click, buy lottery tickets? Yes, it would be insane. It would be ridiculous. I would buy so many lottery tickets.

There should be a reality show called 'The Amazing Racist' for people fired for racism

Everyone that gets fired for being racist should go on a reality show together. They should make a reality show called Racism Island... The Amazing Racist... The winner is the first person to get fired for being too racist from the show that you go to for being fired because you're racist.

I use Grindr to find guys with good haircuts to ask where they get groomed

I signed up for a Grindr account on my phone and then I found the guys that I thought had the best looking haircuts and I messaged them to ask them all where they got their haircuts... It's foolproof.

We should resolve the Confederate statue controversy by shrinking them by half every year

What I propose that we do is we just make every Confederate statue half the size that it is right now, year after year after year. So guess what? They're never going to go away. ... It'll be a penny.

Touching things that are cold is objectively better than touching things that are hot

I'll say this touching things that are cold it's objectively better than touching things [hot]. Correct correct. If i could never touch a hot thing again i'd be happy yes.